Take Charge of Your Life, Sam

In another post, I described the saga of Sam Smiley. An affable fellow who, as a young man, chose a career in sales because family and friends said he should.  “You’re a natural”, they said. “You’re a warm, outgoing guy. People like you; they’ll trust you; they’ll buy from you.”
What a relief for Sam! “I’m a warm, outgoing guy, and trustworthy, too. People like me so they’ll buy from me. What a concept!”
Sam did as directed and enjoyed modest success in sales for many years, until this one. He’s just been fired and he’s at a loss to understand why.
His boss said that he wasn’t aggressive enough, that he didn’t close sales
and when he did, the deal would unravel before the ink was dry. Instead of being accountable and accepting responsibility for his mistakes, he’d blame others.
“You’re a pleasant enough fellow to have around, Sam, but you do too little and cost too much to stay on the payroll.”
Sam knows that sales aren’t for him and never have been.  He’s never liked cold calling and can’t bear rejection. He’s been kidding himself, stalling for time, ducking for cover, hiding the truth from himself and from others. He needs to get on with his life but how do you do that when you’ve never known how and you’re turning fifty.

Sam Smiley told his wife that he wants out of sales but doesn’t know what else to do. She said that she’d like to be supportive of him but they have big expenses and need a big income to make ends meet. He wanted to tell her that she needed to get a job, that she needed to spend less and help more.  But Sam just smiled and said, “that’s fine, you’re right. I’ll figure something out.”
Sam went to his doctor, who was an old friend and confidante.  The doctor, noting Sam’s elevated blood pressure, wanted to know what was going on. Sam described his dilemma: “If I get another job in sales I’ll be miserable. If I get a job doing something different I’ll have to start over.  At my age, I don’t know if I’ll  have the energy, or the opportunity.”
His doctor-friend suggested that he watch his diet, exercise more, and take charge of his life. Sam didn’t know what that last part meant but agreed that it sounded like a good idea.
“Take charge of your life, Sam.” You’re at a fork in the road. Take the fork on the right and stay in sales. You can make that work if you decide to become more assertive, focused, and deliberate in your goals. It won’t be easy Sam, but it’s doable.
Take the fork to the left and dare to do something more in keeping with your natural style and preferences. It’s risky, Sam, but if you have the courage to change directions you may find more satisfaction in the work that you do.
Whatever fork you choose and direction you take, Sam, you’ll always face difficult people and challenging situations. If you want to change the outcome,  replace your old responses with new attitudes. Change your attitude and you can change your behavior. Learn what it means to take actions that are consistent with integrity. Learn what it means to be congruent and forthright in what you say and how you say it. Learn that you can “be nice” and negotiate fairly; that you can be trustworthy, and close a deal.  Learn that it’s better to under-promise and over-deliver.
Find mentors from whom you can learn to do best what you do least well. Practice in all the places in your life: with your spouse, your children (of whatever age), and your friends.
A hearty handshake and pleasing demeanor won’t replace competence and hard work. Get up to speed on what you need. Improve your computer skills. Learn how to read a balance sheet. Read business journals. Find out what the competition is doing. Create a niche for yourself that everyone agrees adds value to the organization.  Confidence comes from mastering what eludes you, whether it’s your ability to initiate or complete, negotiate or compete. Take charge of your life, Sam, and do it now.

Advice for Children of Laid Off Parents

OK, children, listen up. Your mom’s been laid off. That’s right, she’s lost her job and she’s concerned. She loves you and she’s going to continue to provide for you. You just need to give her time and space to figure out what she’s going to do next, so life can get back to normal. You can lend a hand.
Support can be financial and it can be emotional. You may be too young to help with the finances but just the right age to be a real help around the house. Clean your room. Clear the table. Mow the lawn. Be nice to your brother and stop teasing the dog. Instead of asking Mom to buy you something that you want and don’t need, ask her what she needs and what you can do for her.
It’s easier to deal with family layoffs when you’re too young to understand the consequences of job loss. It’s harder when you’re old enough to realize the impact and not old enough to influence the outcome. Particularly if you’re worried about the effect it can have on you personally. For example:
Your dad’s been laid off. The company he worked for went out of business and there wasn’t anything he could do to keep it afloat. You know he’s worried, even though he says that he’s not. He tells you and your sister to cheer up, there’s nothing to be concerned about, but you are, just the same.
Your dad always said that if you had good grades and could get accepted, he’d pay tuition and expenses to any college you wanted to attend. You’ve worked hard on your studies and have been accepted to your top choice, a small private college in the northeast. Money wasn’t supposed to be a problem. There was supposed to be plenty of money to pay for your education. Now it doesn’t look that way. Your sister said you’re selfish if you insist on going there with dad out of work. You tell her to butt out, that it’s between you and dad. Now you’re not sure what the right thing is and you’re afraid to ask.
You’ve started to avoid everyone at home, especially dad. You don’t want to ask how his job search is going because it probably isn’t going anywhere and knowing that will just make matters worse.
You have a friend, Pat, whose dad’s been out of work for months. Pat recently took an after school job at a grocery store, stocking shelves and bagging groceries. You asked him if he was embarrassed for kids at school to know what he was doing. Pat looked at you like he was looking at a stranger. “I’m helping the family”, he said. “What would you do if you were in my shoes?” You are in his shoes and you don’t have the courage to think about it.
Find your courage. You’re a member of a family that needs everyone to pitch in and figure out the best way to get through a rough time. Talking about it, openly and honestly, is the first step to working your way through it.
Begin by talking with your dad. Invite him for a walk, a run, a lunch, some coffee. Get him out of the house and to a place where the two of you can be alone. Make this about him, not about you. Ask how he’s doing and how he’s feeling. Listen to what he says and how he looks when he says it. Respond to his feelings more than the content of his words. Ask what you can do to be a support to him and the family and ask in a way that demonstrates that you care.
Talk with him about college and your desire to attend. Let him know that you want to ease the financial burden it will have on the family. You may find that attending an in-state university and working to help support yourself is a reasonable option. As a result, you’ll have an education, work experience, be more marketable, and you’ll always know that you did the right thing when it counted most.

Roads, Routes, and Ruts

Joyce Richman wrote Roads, Routes, and Ruts: A Guidebook for Career Success in response to the requests of readers of her advice columns, television viewers, radio talk show listeners and program participants. Read more

Cautionary Tales

Dave Duckit lost his job because he wouldn’t fight to keep it.

Hannah Highway lost her job because she valued being right more than she valued doing the right thing.

Larry Leeway lost his job because he needed more room to maneuver than his company had space to give him.

What are the stories behind the headlines?

Dave Duckit: Dave acts laid back and appears to be a get along, go along person, but don’t let looks deceive. He’s easy on others and hard on himself. He apologizes when it’s not his fault and does the job that no one else will. Dave stays out of the sight and out of harm’s way. He’s the nice guy, the agreeable guy, but not the guy you go to for directions, recommendations, or decisions. Dave’s co-workers know that he’s courteous, loyal, and honest. They just aren’t sure about what he does or how he adds value.  Dave feels overused, underpaid, and unappreciated but he won’t say so.
Dave, these days aren’t like those days. In those days you could keep your head down and get lost in the crowd, keep your job and get your pay. These days, there is no crowd. Everyone steps up and stands out or the buck stops. You have to pull more than your weight and make sure others know what you’re doing. You have to be goal focused and situationally flexible. You have to make decisions and take responsibility for them. Anything less than that gets you on the short list to the unemployment line.

Hannah Highway: Watch out. Hannah thinks she’s always right and anyone who disagrees with her does so at considerable risk. She sees life as a contest to be won and sees herself as the only competitor worth taking it on. She comes across as insensitive, arrogant, combative, and dismissive.
She deflects negative feedback and blames her critics for gender discrimination. She says she’s being punished for the same behaviors men in her company are rewarded for. She’s deluding herself. No one gets rewarded for the behaviors she exhibits.
Hannah needs an attitude adjustment but it’s unlikely that she’ll sign on for one without strong and unrelenting encouragement from a boss who is candid, direct, and focused on her development. She needs to understand the connection between the negative impressions she makes and the negative consequences that follow if she continues her hammer-handed ways.
She’ll need to learn strategies that demonstrate value and appreciation for the contributions of others.  If Hannah’s half as good as she thinks she is and her company is willing to invest in her potential, she’ll benefit from 360 degree feedback and the opportunity to work with an external, objective coach who will keep her focused on doing the right things for the right reasons.

Larry Leeway. Here he comes and there he goes. Larry’s all over the place while doing his own thing. He can push boundaries like a bulldozer or snooze standing up. And until lately, no one cared. He’d work half the night and come in late the next day, and no one cared.  He’d be so creative and enthusiastic in staff meetings, no one cared that he wore tee shirts and shorts when he spoke with clients. As long as he was brilliant, stimulating, and motivating, no one seemed to care that he broke the rules of conventional behavior. Certainly no one said anything to him when he did. But that changed when business fell off. Suddenly everyone cared that he was late to work and looked like he slept in his clothes. They no longer cheered his enthusiasm and spontaneity, but complained that he was boisterous, bothersome, and pushed the boundaries of propriety. Larry was the odd man and he was out.

Larry, Dave, and Hannah can either learn from or ignore their cautionary tale. The rest of us can recognize a fundamental truth embedded within each story. In good times, the workplace tends to be expansive and forgiving. In bad times, the workplace shrinks as much in size as it does in its acceptance of difference and the vagaries of the human condition.

How Does the Networking Thing Work?

Q: I think I’m doing a great job of networking. I’ve spoken to dozens of interesting and kind people. They thank me, I thank them. And nothing happens. What am I doing that’s stopping my search cold?

A: It sounds like you’re good at getting in front of your contact but don’t know what to do once you get there. You need a plan and a purpose. Before calling another person, answer these career questions:
What do I want in a job and why do I want it? What stands in the way of my obtaining it?  Whether I have selected this contact or I have been referred to this contact, what is the purpose of my call? How can this person assist me in overcoming obstacles and help me help myself?
Clarify your expectations and you’ll kick-start your search.

What Kind of Resume?

Q: “I’ve worked for several companies over the last few years. I’m not a job hopper but I am concerned that I’ll be seen that way. I’ve been told that to present myself in the best possible light I should use a functional resume and not a chronological one. Do you agree?”

A: A functional resume groups your abilities into skill clusters. A (reverse) chronological resume lists each of your positions and companies, beginning with the most recent. Individuals who have worked a variety of jobs with no obvious career objective present themselves more favorably with a functional resume. That’s the simple answer but it doesn’t solve your problem. Here’s what I mean:
Interviewers prefer reverse chronological resumes to the functional format. They want to see at a glance, the applicant’s progression of responsibility, accountability, job titles, and time in grade. Many believe that functional resumes mask frequent and hard-to-explain job changes. As a result, many applicants who submit functional resumes are passed over, or if called to interview, are quizzed on everything that would appear on a chronological resume. That line of questioning tends to put applicants on the defensive, scrambling to explain what went wrong rather than what went well. They’re unable to make their case.
The solution to your dilemma won’t be found in resume cosmetics but in developing good job search strategies. What’s your goal? Do you want to be appreciated and compensated for a job that you do well, that you enjoy doing, and that you can stay with long enough to make a difference? You can make that happen when you tell your story, in person, to those who have the power and authority to either hire you or put you in front of people who can.
It takes focused, strategic networking; finding people with whom you have much in common. They, like you, are eclectic in their habits, and enjoy variety in their professional endeavors. They’re calculated risk takers and have a bent toward the entrepreneurial. They differ from you in that they’ve been able to capitalize on their strengths and have been successful because of that. They’d be willing to talk to you because the two of you are more alike than different and they’re pleased by your recognizing their success and wanting to know more about how they made it happen.
When you find them, ask how they’ve been able to accomplish what they have. Describe what you want to achieve, the problems you’d like to solve, and the contributions you’d like to make.  Frame your discussion around the strengths, interests, and abilities you have to make positive things happen. Ask for recommendations for next steps, people to connect with, and ideas for how you can tell your story.
Engage the person’s interest in you by demonstrating your interest in them. Ask for advice instead of focusing on your resume or your work history. If you make a compelling case, the networking contact will refer you to those who may be in a position to hire you or would know others who could.
Through networking you’re able to tell your story, face to face, without a resume getting in the way.

Mary, Larry, and Harry – Changing the Paradigm

“Everyone wants to shoot the messenger!” says Mary, who’s the messenger for a boss who would rather “not get involved.” Here’s her story. It might have familiar ring:
Mary is a seasoned executive assistant. She’s able to see what needs doing and gets it done. She thinks on her feet, consistently makes good choices, and good decisions. She’s hard working and dedicated to her job; organized, good with details and sees how they connect to the big picture.
She’s professional in demeanor, personable in relationships, articulate and well read. She sounds great and her boss agrees.
“Hello, I’m Larry, Mary’s boss. Mary’s all that she’s described to be, and more. In fact, she’s so much more, I’m able to delegate everything that I don’t want to do. I don’t like to manage people or things, I like to lead. So, I leave the managing to Mary. What specifically? Performance reviews. It’s tedious and time consuming to write them and unpleasant to conduct them. So I have Mary do them for me. I sign them and she delivers them. I don’t like to meet with direct reports. They like to complain and I don’t want problems, I want solutions. So I ask Mary to listen to their complaints, fix what she can and let the rest go.
I want to do what I’m paid to do, and that’s to be the big picture guy. I’m great at it. I love it. Thank heavens that’s about the only thing that Mary’s not good at doing or I’d have a struggle on my hands.”
“I’m Mary. Larry nailed it. He has me do everything he doesn’t want to do (did he mention shopping for family gifts and canceling dinner engagements?)
but I draw the line when it comes to critiquing his direct reports. He once asked me to fire someone for him. I flatly refused, Larry never did it and the person still works here.
Keep in mind, please, that I am his executive assistant, not his executive vice president.  I do not have the title, authority, power, or paycheck to do the things he asks of me. His direct reports look at me as though I’m on some ego trip, giving orders like I’m in charge. I’m caught between a boss who relies on me to do his job and a staff that resents me for doing it.
“I’m Harry, one of Larry’s direct reports and I’d like to weigh in on this discussion. We don’t give Mary respect because we know she’s a stand in for Larry, who doesn’t have the courage to tell us, in person, what we need to know and what we need to hear. We admire his intelligence and his ability to sell our vision and our mission. He has great interpersonal skills when it comes to meeting, greeting, and securing financial support for our worthwhile endeavors. What he lacks is an ability to engage our support. He shuts us out and thinks shoving Mary in our faces makes up for his omissions. He’s wrong and its unfortunate that Mary’s paying the price.”
Mary does what her boss asks because; “I need this job until the market improves. Then I’ll have no choice but to leave and work elsewhere.”
Mary does have choices. Larry wants solutions, not problems. Mary creates a win-win if she can objectively describe the challenge, available options, and her recommendations for resolution. First, she gets Larry in the loop. He’s unaware of the consequences of his actions. Let him know that his subordinates feel shut out of the process; that her intervention makes the situation worse instead of better. If Larry prefers to delegate to her as before, she recommends that he include her on the management team, with the title, authority, and salary commensurate with the position.  Whatever decisions Larry makes, Mary has responded proactively, assertively, and responsibly. She’ll know where she stands and can make better-informed careers decisions going forward.
And Larry, if you’re reading this, you have time to turn situations like these around before the economy does the job for you. Change your paradigm and you can change negative outcomes to positive results.

Tomorrow’s Employee Today

“I’ve always thought of myself as someone steady and stable. Other people say they don’t see me that way, at least, not lately. I’ve had four jobs in five years and some interviewers are telling me that I’m unemployable. I never in my life thought I’d hear something like that.  I was with my first employer for 21 years. I figured I’d stay with them until I retired but the owners had to close the doors when they couldn’t keep up with competition. I realize now that I’ve never recovered from losing that job. When it happened, I had one kid in college and another ready to go. I needed work, I was scared, and I jumped at the first thing I could get. Big mistake. I lasted 90 days. The boss pushed me around like I didn’t know what I was doing. One day, I pushed back, hard.  I didn’t wait around to get fired, I walked out. It was a stupid thing to do, but I wasn’t thinking clearly back then.

Second job. I was more careful in the interview, asked better questions, and thought that I had a pretty good match. The position didn’t pay as much as I had earlier made, but the people were friendly, and the boss was a really nice guy. I was there almost a year when the company started having trouble and cutting costs. I was last in first out. You know how it goes. I didn’t want to leave and they said they hated to cut me loose, but they didn’t have much choice.

Back on the street. The third job was in sales and a loser from the word “go”. The owner painted a rosy picture and made all kinds of promises about the money I’d make and the vacations I’d take. None of it was true, from the paycheck, to the hours, to the perks. I was stressed, out of my league, spending money I didn’t have, and frustrated. I got into an argument with my boss, who told his boss that I was threatening him. I apologized and thought I had straightened it out. Next thing you know, I’m pounding the pavement.

Fourth job. I went into it tired, scared, looking over my shoulder, keeping my head down, and doing my job. When trouble came it blindsided me. I had a worksite accident. Not bad, but enough to put me on my back for a few weeks. Tell you the truth, I think I was relieved to have time off and not worry about getting canned. When I returned to work the supervisor said that I stayed out longer than the injury warranted and she had to replace me.

So, here I am, out of a job and out of options. What happened to my career? How can I get back to having a steady job and a stable life?

It’s not unusual to hear this story of upheaval and drift from individuals whose early employment had been steady, predictable, and long term. Most of them worked for traditionalists in conservative companies that “didn’t fix what wasn’t broke” because there was no obvious and compelling need. When mergers, acquisitions, and buy-outs resulted in smaller, flatter, and leaner companies, changes came in waves, and those companies and employees least apt to adapt, and ill equipped to survive, were swept away. The result was and is, a sizable number of underemployed people struggling to find the good old days in a workplace that’s focused on just making it to payday.

What does it take to be tomorrow’s employee, today?  Desire, dedication, and receptivity to learn what you don’t already know and the ability to learn it on the run. Practical optimism, self esteem, versatility and flexibility. Self- starting skills with goal focused objectives.

Tomorrow’s employee, today, has the professional savvy to know how to persuade when she doesn’t have power. He knows how to manage without having to manipulate. They know when to lead and how to follow, when to negotiate, delegate, and empower. They know when to talk, when to listen, and when to get into the trenches and get the job done.

The Story of Ms. Take

If interviewers more readily acknowledged the challenges as well as the opportunities of their job offerings and applicants were more candid about their strengths and weaknesses, individuals would be better matched to what they do. Everyone involved would benefit from a more efficient, productive, and stable work force.

“I thought I was making a great hiring choice when I hired Ms. Take”, said the human resources manager of a mid-sized manufacturer. “We spoke with her twice, and both times she impressed us with her eagerness, drive, and desire to succeed. I personally checked her references and didn’t hear anything that gave me concern. At first everything seemed fine. Her supervisors liked her energy and enthusiasm. There were some red flags, although at the time I didn’t realize them as such. Ms. Take was out a lot. She always had valid reasons, but her absenteeism put a strain on her co-workers.”

“My name’s Ms. Take and I’ve done it again. I’ve joined a company that I thought I’d love. The people who interviewed me were enthusiastic about their organization and told me how I could really help them succeed. They described the job, which sounded exciting and challenging, and they assured me I’d get help if I needed it. “Don’t worry about anything”, they said. Well, I’m plenty worried and for good reason. If I don’t quit soon I’m sure they’re going to fire me.”

“Despite the efforts of one of our best trainers, Ms. Take never seemed to catch hold of the job. At first we gave her the benefit of the doubt, after all, she had been sick and out of work for several days. She was so bright and had such a positive personality that I think we overlooked errors that we might not have overlooked in someone less enthusiastic.  Over the next few months, the problems grew to the point that we had to address them. By that time we all realized we’d have to let Ms. Take go.”

“I don’t know if they’ve told you what really went wrong. They hired me to be on a helpdesk that answers technology questions and concerns from our internal customers. When they interviewed me, I told them I had customer service experience but never worked with computer systems beyond what my job required. They assured me, several times, that I would get the training I needed and that I was smart enough to catch on quickly. I was lost from day one. The only training I got was from a youngster who spoke faster than I could understand and who got impatient when I asked questions. So I stopped asking. From that point on, it was just a matter of time before everyone knew I didn’t know what I was doing.”
“What could I have done differently when I interviewed with them?”
“What could we have done differently when we interviewed her?”

Interviewers: if your job descriptions are outdated and there have been changes in department leadership, systems, processes or procedures, be sure to get updated from sources who directly interface with the new hire regarding skill requirements and strength preferences essential for job success.
When interviewing applicants about the problems they’ve had on the job, ask probing questions and look for patterns in their perspectives and the actions they’ve taken. Ask what they could have done differently, what they learned from the experience. Focus on skill sets and the transferability of what they’ve done to what you need doing. Go easy on “selling” the job to reluctant buyers. Their concerns are likely to mushroom once on the job. And when training is part of the bargain, be sure your trainers are “user-friendly”. One style doesn’t fit all.

Interviewees: It takes substance as well as style to succeed in a career. If you are aware of your strengths and weakness from consistent and constructive feedback you can match yourself to the right job in the right place. Sell yourself, enthusiastically, when everything you hear matches all that you know about yourself. When in doubt, explore your concerns by asking direct questions. If satisfied, move forward, if you’re in over your head, take yourself out of the pool.

Hugh Dooit Takes Charge of His Own Career and You Should Too!

Hugh Dooit is a personable, intelligent fellow who by all conventional standards should be enjoying a reasonably successful career. He isn’t. He’s blocked by an outdated expectation that others will guide his career and provide the criterion and access he needs to reach his goals.
Hugh, there was a time that your boss, your human resources rep, and if you’re lucky, an internal mentor would work with you, charting your course as you worked your way up the corporate ladder. Today, you’re lucky if you can find a ladder to climb over the transom of your well defended boss’s office. No one has time to talk about career tracking; they’re all busy keeping their companies on track and their respective careers from derailing.
Hugh Dooit.
“If I knew how to do it, I’d have done it! I need help!”
Hugh, settle down. Let’s put together a do it yourself program.
For starters, what are you good at doing?
“I’m a trouble shooter. If you’ve got a problem, I’m the one who fixes it. Are your systems chaotic? Are your procedures a mess? Is your place so disorganized you could lose your car in it? I’m the one who streamlines, organizes, expedites, and gets you out of the mess you’re in.”
Any thing else?
“I’m the one that employees go to when they need something done quickly. I find the answers while they’re still defining the problem.”
Does any of that impact the bottom line?
“You bet it does. I save the company time and money and since time is money, I save them a heap of it.”
Hugh, you’re saying you’ve got the ability to cut to the chase and get the job done. What greater impact can you have on your company?
“I can do a heap more than I’m doing, that’s for sure. Right now I’m not much more than a glorified go-fer. I know I’m appreciated. But that doesn’t pay the bills and doesn’t make me feel like I’m living up to my capabilities. Supervisors are always telling me that they’re surprised I don’t have a more important job in the company yet it doesn’t occur to any of them to promote me.”
What job would you like to have?”
I’m a great #2 person. That’s right, the person who works for #1. I’m not a visionary, but I can take a vision and turn it into a reality. I’m not a theoretician, but I take theory and change it to practical application. I make things happen.
Where would you like to work?
“I want to work for a company that does what it takes to meet the needs of its customers. If that means reassessing direction, reformulating products, reevaluating after-market quality and internal customer service, they have the courage and capability to do it. I want to work for a company that’s tough when it’s called for and flexible when that’s what’s required. I want a company that listens to, and respects its internal customers like it does to its external clients.”
You sound like you’ve given this a great deal of thought.
“It’s all I think about. I’ve got so many ideas for this company it’d blow you away.”
Why don’t you tell anyone?
“No one asks. No one’s interested. Everyone seems to so focused on getting their jobs done they lose sight of what the company needs to improve.”
All the more reason for you to tell them what you can do for them and what you can do for the company. Hugh, get in front of decision-makers. Talk to them like you’ve talked to me. Tell them you want a chance to prove yourself by being assigned a project that you can take and make something worthwhile happen. Don’t give up on them unless you’ve given them a chance to see who you are and what you can do.
Take charge of your career. If you consistently make your case and no one listens; if what you value most in a company is valued least where you work, and you haven’t the flexibility to do what takes to be successful, what are you waiting for?
It’s up to you, Hugh, do it.

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