My Boss and I Absolutely Do Not Get Along!

A reader asks this question:

“I have an ordeal I’m dealing with and need your advice. I’ve been at my current position for one year and greatly enjoy the people I work with except for my boss. We don’t click at all. It seems like I can never do one thing to please her. I’m in my 20’s and she’s twice my age. I have an undergraduate degree and she has an advanced degree. I watch the way she interacts with the other people in the office who have higher degrees and she gets along with everyone of them BUT me. If she calls me and I’m not at my desk or I’m on the phone she assumes that I’m not here. Its like that constantly. She belittles me in front of others and sends me rude emails. I need to know how to handle her and this situation. I’ve tried talking to her in the past but she blows up and says she doesn’t want to hear about it. Can you help?”

~ M. P. in Anywhere City, USA

A: You sound like you want to make this work despite describing a boss who sounds like a cross between the Wicked Witch of the West and Cinderella’s stepmother. She doesn’t appreciate or value your work and likes everyone in the office, but you. I’m not sure where your motivation to succeed is coming from, but I’m glad you’ve got it. Now, let’s get to work.

You’ve noticed that your boss gets along with everyone but you, so I’m assuming you work in a fairly small office. I mention that because your boss has chosen to communicate with you via telephone or email. She even rejected your suggestion to meet and clear the air. So, why is she throwing darts from long distance?

What you know: She doesn’t like your job performance.

What you don’t know: Why she doesn’t like it.

You have a hunch that your problems are connected to what sets you two apart: age and education. You could be onto something. If your boss believes you’re not performing your job as a mature, responsible, educated adult should (as mature, responsible, and almost as educated as she sees herself) then she’d be aggravated with you. That doesn’t mean that she’s right in her perceptions but she has the right to have them.

You mentioned that she assumes you’re not working when you’re away from your desk or on the phone. She could reasonably conclude that you’re using office time to do things other than what she has assigned. (It’s that perception thing again.)

How can you change her perceptions? Change your behaviors. Provide your boss a daily status report on your assignments. If you’re ahead of schedule (which may be why you’re on the phone or away from your desk), let her know and ask how you can be of additional assistance to her and the department.

You’ve observed that your boss gets along better with office mates who have advanced degrees. Her attitude may have more to do with different work styles than differences in intellect. In short, she gets along better with people who see the world as she does, and you may see the world differently. Here’s a hypothetical example: let’s say your boss plays by the rules, is a stickler for details and deadlines, and gets anxious if you don’t share her concerns. She might call you a sloppy, slacking, screw-up (you mentioned her belittling comments and rude emails).

On the other hand, you may be a creative person who loves variety and flexibility, and believe that doing things with flair and style are more satisfying than getting them done on time. You’re not into details, you’re into possibilities! That’s a conflict waiting to happen.

You mention there are several co-workers that get along with you and your boss. They’re in a position to see what you miss. Ask them to respond candidly to three questions:

I want to be more effective in my job and get along better with my boss. What should I stop doing, start doing, and continue to do?

Now take your positive energy and get to work!

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Yes! You may use this article by Executive and Career Coach, Joyce Richman, in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since she started he own practice in 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.

New Year’s Resolutions

It was hard to find much to cheer about in 2009. People and institutions seemed to let us down on a regular basis. Rather than place blame, let’s figure out what we can do to make 2010 a better year than the one we just left.

Get better. Get better at making promises, keeping promises and delivering more than you promise.

Get real. Find facts and face them. Face facts and deal with them. Deal with facts and take action on them.

Get moving. If you can’t run, walk. Put one foot in front of the other. And if that’s more speed than you can handle, take baby steps, just keep moving.

Listen more: Listen to what you don’t want to hear. Listen to what you need to hear. Listen to clarify, to understand, to fill the gap between what you see and what others see differently than you.

Agree more. Find reasons to agree, occasions when you share common ground, and times when there’s more that connects than separates you from one another.

Trust more. Trust facts. Trust others. Trust your gut. Trust more than you doubt, more than you dare, and more than you care to admit.

Open up more: Wherever you are, be there. Let people see who you are, know what you want, acknowledge how you feel and why you care as much as you do.

Clarify. Say what you mean. Say what you want. Say why it’s important to you.

Deliver. If you say it, do it. If you do it, do it right. If you do it right, do it on time. If you do it on time, do it with grace.

Confront. Go there. Be there. Address the issue that stands between where you are and where you could be. Find a way to accommodate what you want with what someone else needs.

Resolve. Get it done. Get it finished. Get it out of the way to make room for what’s next.

Work smart. Put most of your time where you get most of the benefit. Put most of your effort where you put most of your time.

Work hard. Work on what is worthwhile. Work on what you value. Work on what creates value for others.

Turn your talent into strengths. Turn what you do most easily into what you can consistently do well. Turn what is a gift into a treasure. Shape what you take for granted into what defines you.

Work more in your strengths: Do more with what you do best. Learn more about what you enjoy most. Give more of what is easiest for you to give.

Be credible: Create more substance than style, more actions than words, more outcome than expectation.

Be relevant: Stay in the conversation. Stay in the game. Learn more today than you knew yesterday. Advance your thinking by expanding your perspective.

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Yes! You may use this article by Executive and Career Coach, Joyce Richman, in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since she started her own practice in 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.

Is the “Tough Gal” on the Derailment Track?

This gal is tough. She’s smart, quick, aggressive, and focused. You better know what you’re doing or she’ll nail you, whether you’re in a meeting with clients or sitting down with your boss and the CEO.

She’s arrogant. She swaggers when she talks, and she’s dismissive of any opinion that doesn’t agree with hers. She keeps her job because she delivers. She keeps her promises and she makes money.

Her peers, subordinates, even her bosses find her hard to take, and she succeeds despite them, probably because she keeps getting promoted. There’s no holding her back and no one wants to. “Let her make money and stress out somebody else.”

But is she a bad employee? A negative influence? Since it’s all in the eyes of the beholders, let’s talk to a few of them and get their fix on the situation:

A direct report says, “As a woman, I like having a woman boss and I like the fact that she’s strong. Yes, she can be over powering, and yes, she can be intimidating, and yes, she plays like the big boys, and I like that. I can learn from her, a lot of women can learn from her. Is she perfect? Far from it. She expects a great deal of herself, and expects too much from us. She has the energy and capacity to work 24/7 without acting frazzled or looking frayed around the edges. She wants us to keep up, and not complain about the pace and standard she sets. We can’t do either. Many of us have families and commitments that require our off the clock time and attention.

I’ve learned how to work with her. I know that she likes people who aren’t afraid of her, who have well formed opinions and can tell her what they are, without exaggeration or hesitation. She doesn’t respect anyone who holds back.

I’ve learned not to complain, but to set boundaries, and it works. I’m clear about what I can and cannot do. If she overloads me, making every assignment sound like a three-alarm fire, I outline what she’s already told me to do and ask her to prioritize. She immediately tells me what’s the hottest on the list, and I deliver.

When she pushes too hard, and I protest firmly, with good humor, she’ll back off, but just for a while. Then she’s back at it. I’m glad she works here and glad I’ve had the opportunity to work for her. I’m stronger (and exhausted) for the experience.”

A peer says: “She’s difficult and uncompromising and I’m surprised that she gets away with it. Until recently we’ve not had any women in upper management so the leadership team may be accommodating her style by giving her more room than she deserves. She may intimidate them. Not by her intelligence, as smart as she is, but by the number of women in support roles who think she’s the standard bearer of gender equality.

If I were her boss, I’d set her straight. She’s rude, impatient, and whether she admits it or not, she doesn’t have all the answers. I’ll wait her out. I bet she’s gone in a year.”

Her boss says: “She’s can be edgy and abrupt, no doubt about it, and we’ve got her working with a coach for just those reasons. The good news is, she doesn’t take herself too seriously, has a sharp sense of humor, and holds her own, whatever the topic.

She’s tough as nails but I tell you, she gets what she goes after, for the company as well as for herself. I’ve seen her jump all over a poor performer and protect someone who’s going through a bad patch. We’re lucky she’s working for us and not the competition. We’ll do what it takes to keep her.”

What’s the sum?

If you deliver what you promise, improve the bottom line, give employees what they need and challenge them to do their best, you’re a keeper. If you withhold support, training, and positive leadership, spend more than you make, insult more than a few people along the way, and think you’re always right, you’re on track for derailment.

Any questions?

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Yes! You may use this article by Executive and Career Coach, Joyce Richman, in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.

Job Search – Different Perspectives

Looking for a job can feel mighty good or feel mighty bad. It all depends on your frame of reference. Two individuals share what appear to be very different perspectives. First…

“I’m looking and it feels mighty good. I have a job I’ve never liked that’s paid the bills, put the kids though school, and taught me lessons in patience, humility, and accountability that I otherwise might not have learned. Now, twenty-five years later, I can finally afford to figure out what’s out there that I can enjoy doing that gives me the energy my job has always taken from me.

My wife says I deserve to be happy. I’m grateful for that. Our grown children think I should have changed jobs years ago. Easy for them to say. My closest friends think I’m making a mistake to give up something I know, although it’s boring, to take on something I don’t know, that sounds exciting. I think all their feedback says more about the people giving it then it does about me.

I’m careful when I say what I’m doing. I may not be the sharpest pencil in the box but I know enough not to share my job search secret with people at work or outsiders who might know insiders. I’m not working with a search firm, either. I want to be in control of who sees my resume. I want to jump, I don’t want to get pushed.”

Second…

“After nineteen years on the job, I was let go when the company went bust. Looking for work at this point in my life isn’t a good thing; it’s the last thing I want to do and last thing I thought I would be doing. The market’s tight, the competition’s tough, my confidence is shot and I’m questioning my ability to make good decisions. My greatest concern is that I’ll jump at the first thing I’m offered, and then have to live with it. My next greatest concern is that I won’t be made an offer worth jumping at. I’ve been looking for 14 months. I’ve been on three interviews. I’ve come up empty three times. I’m running out of options as quickly as I’m running out of money.

It’s easy to look for a job when you have a job and you’re in control of the process. Your outlook’s optimistic, your attitude’s positive, you’re feeling centered and just a bit smug. You’ve got a great little secret that no one knows until you choose to share it.

It’s not much fun if, instead of feeling in control, you’re feeling controlled by an impersonal economy over which you have no influence. It doesn’t feel good if you feel ill-treated by a system that hasn’t a clue how steady and reliable you’ve been, how dutifully you’ve taken orders and how quietly you’ve obeyed them, even when they weren’t in your best interest.”

There are as many similarities in these two stories as there are differences. Each individual perceives himself to have been manipulated by something over which he had no control. Each placed service above self, patience above personal potential. The first individual worked 25 years waiting to do something he liked better. The second individual gave his all to lose it all when he waited longer than was prudent and was laid off when his company went under.

You can choose to wait and do work that neither engages your imagination nor stimulates your thinking. You can choose to wait and stultify your potential by saying “yes” when integrity tells you the words you need to say all begin with “no”. You can choose differently while you still have the time, health, energy, and opportunity to enjoy a better outcome.

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Yes! You may use this article by Executive and Career Coach, Joyce Richman, in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.

Fast Track Your Job Search

You’ll fast track your job search when you increase your focus, improve your efficiency, and target your marketing.

If you’re sending out resumes and not getting responses you have either lost your focus or never had it. Your resume has three roles: scout, matchmaker, and mouthpiece. It probes for possibilities, looks for a match, and speaks on your behalf. If it fails to deliver on any of these roles, it won’t be considered and neither will you.

If you want your resume to land in the interviewer’s “in” basket, here’s what you do:

Match your objective to the language you read in advertised job posting. The interviewer is scanning for “key words”. Those are the words the interviewer is using. Match them.

Match your work experience to the experience that’s needed to perform in the advertised position.

Match your words to your deeds: tell the reader what you want and the difference you make to the company where you work; give the reader quantifiable evidence of your accomplishments; show the reader your track record of achievement relative to your years of experience, and say it cogently and concisely so you’ll have a shot at success.

On the flip side, here’s what takes you out of the game.

If your resume goes on too long about things only a mother can love, you’re a bore.
If your resume says too much about things most people care too little about, you‘re out of touch.
If your resume doesn’t match what the company needs, you’re not paying attention.
If your resume reads like a job description, you have no imagination.
If your resume reads like a know it all, you’re not open to learning.

With your resume in your briefcase, on line, and in your head you’re ready to improve your efficiency, focus your search, and target your market.

Start with the basics and answer the questions: How large a company; how far a commute; how much of a salary?

Define the company: How mature or emergent? Open or closed ? Creative or consistent? Risk taking or conservative? Top down or bottom up?

Identify and prioritize your values: Help others, be an expert, achieve, compete, take risks, be respected…

With those questions answered you’re ready to write your 20 second elevator speech, which doubles as the objective on your resume and the answer to ‘tell me about yourself’. It’s your sense of purpose and reason for being, when what you want to be is an income producing, purposeful employee.

All that’s left to do is reintroduce yourself to people you know who know people who hire people. You have your resume, your marketing plan, your elevator speech and the answers to the questions you’re most likely to be asked. You can respond on line, in person, by phone, fax, and smoke signals. Put on some interview clothes, a strong dose of optimism, and you’re good to go. The only barrier that can stand in your way now is a bad attitude. If you can’t fix that, the best plan won’t help you.

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Yes! You may use this article by Executive and Career Coach, Joyce Richman, in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since she started her own practice in 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.