Questions from Readers for All Ages

Q: My anxiety is through the roof. Yesterday I talked back to my boss, something I never do. I apologized and he said we’re OK but I’m not so sure. He seems to be avoiding me and now I’m more concerned than ever. Should I start looking for another job?

A: Exhale. If looking for another job helps you feel more in control, sure, do it. In the time it takes you to find something new, your current issues might be resolved, your anxiety in check, and your current boss pleased with you and your work.

Q: My daughter wants to quit school (she’s a freshman in a local college) and marry her boyfriend, also a youngster, who lives a thousand miles away. Her mother and I want her to complete her degree and then follow her heart’s desire. She’s said that she’s afraid her boyfriend won’t wait for her. What do you recommend?

A: Objective perspective and a reality check. Are you paying for your daughter’s education here, and will you pay for it there? If so, check with colleges in the area and find out if and when she can get accepted. If that’s not the plan, she’ll need a job. Check with the Employment Security Commission. If money will be an issue, contact Consumer Credit Counseling and analyze what she’ll need to earn to pay her expenses. If your daughter and her boyfriend are willing to take this on, have these conversations, listen, learn, and live with the economic and emotional consequences, and are fully committed to each other, find a way to make it work.

Q: I’ve just returned from my fifth visit with one company. How many interviews should it take to land one job?

A: It can take several if you’re interviewing for one of the company’s top positions. More than that and I’d be concerned about current leadership’s ability to make decisions and circumstances they may not have described. If you’re called back again, ask some tough questions of your own. This decision is a two-way proposition.

Q: My husband and I want our high school son to get an after school job. He’s running with a crowd that scares us and we think he’d be better off in a supervised environment. He’s not interested but he’ll do what we ask. What jobs do you recommend that he pursue?

A: You’re concerned that your son is easily influenced, unlikely to consider the negative consequences of his choices, and needs a structured environment to stay out of harm’s way. It also sounds like your son could benefit from learning a structured approach to problem solving and decision making so he can become aware of his options and have the confidence to make the right ones. Get him help. Encourage him to talk with you about the day-to-day choices and challenges he’s facing and how he’s currently dealing with them. He may be savvier than you give him credit and you may be more open and forgiving than he might have dared hope. And about that after-school job… involve him in deciding what it might be. He’ll soon be making those decisions for himself. There’s no time like the present for him to practice accountability in action.

Q: I’ve been made an offer with a company I don’t want to join. I’m afraid to turn it down and afraid that if I take it I’ll be miserable. What should I do?

A: I’m curious: why interview for a company where you don’t want to work? Pretend that you never did. Turn it down. You deserve better.

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Yes! You may use this article in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since she started he own practice in 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.

Own Your Mistakes: Actions Bring Consequences

If you’re like many hard drivers, you can be more than a little defensive when criticized for something you’ve said or done.

“What do you mean, I’m defensive? I’m just explaining what happened and why I did what I did!”

“That’s what I mean, you’re acting defensive. Just admit that you were rude this morning. I was in the middle of an important presentation and you cut me off.”

“Rude? How was I rude? You were taking forever. I jumped in to keep from falling asleep. Besides, how can an explanation be defensive? You’re the one who’s acting defensive because you just don’t want to hear the truth. You know who’s rude? You’re rude! I don’t know why I’m even wasting my time explaining this to you.”

Joe, you’re boldly going where you ought not to go, attempting to right a perceived wrong by arguing your way out of it. If you continue, you’ll create a bigger problem than the one you started.

“What am I supposed to do? Apologize for something that I didn’t intend, something that others balloon out of proportion?”

It’s your actions that get you in trouble, not your intentions. Actions have consequences. Apologize for the actions that you take that result in the consequences you don’t intend.

“How’s that? I don’t follow you.”

Instead of arguing, defending, or explaining, say something like, “I can understand why you felt that I was rude. I got carried away and interrupted when you were in the middle of making your point. I apologize.”

“That’s true. I did that. I got so excited I didn’t pay attention to what she was saying or what was going on around me. She’s right. I was rude. I didn’t mean to be. I’m feeling kind of embarrassed right now.”

Will you apologize?

“Sure, no problem.”

There are times you’re asked to explain things that you’d rather avoid, like “why were you let go from that job?” Cut to the chase. State what happened and describe what you learned.

“I learned two important lessons from that experience. The first: have more than one mentor in a company that’s undergoing major change, and the second: get experience in more than one area of specialization. By having more than one mentor I’ll be more aware of the influences that can impact my position. By cross training I’ll have greater flexibility and opportunity to add value, particularly if I can move from an area that’s being consolidated to one that’s expanding.”

There are times you think you’re funny and you’re not.

“Jack, you made a serious mistake when you told that joke in the staff meeting. It was crude and insulting. You know we don’t tolerate that around here.”

“You’ve got to be kidding! Everyone knew I was joking. Everyone was laughing! Besides, I’m not the only one who talks like that and you know it. I’m not taking the fall for this.”

“Stop arguing and just admit you made a mistake.”

“I’m not going to admit anything. You people are too sensitive. You’re always looking for a problem when there isn’t one. So I told a joke. It was funny. Get over it.”

“You people? Where are you going with this, Jack?”

Jack’s taking an error in judgment and escalating it to a problem of potentially damaging proportion.

“OK, so what was I supposed to do? I knew the conversation with my boss was getting out of control but I couldn’t seem to stop myself.”

Own your mistakes, whether they’re tactical or strategic, personal or professional. If you don’t step up, quickly and honestly, others will force you to, and it won’t be pretty.

“OK, I hear you, but what can I say?”

“I apologize and I’ll apologize to the people who were there. We were all laughing and story telling and I didn’t think. I learned a good lesson. A joke isn’t funny if it’s at someone’s expense.”

Your boss is likely to accept your statement and move on, unless you do it again. Trample on people’s rights, show disrespect, act with incivility, and no amount of quick talking apologizing will get you off the hook. Pay now or pay later. You choose.

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Yes! You may use this article in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.

Jack of All Trades; Master of None

Bright, talented and articulate, he’s ready to do anything and seems poised to do it all. Yet he’s stuck.

He’s the pin of a pin wheel, seeing multiple possibilities spinning by and instead of grabbing hold, is overwhelmed by them all.

He’s concerned that:

He’s a jack of all trades and master of none.

His eclectic interests attract him to a variety of opportunities.

He can’t focus on one job and dedicate himself to it.

This Jack is frustrated that his path to success looks more like a circular driveway.

What’s needed here is a a healthy change of perspective.

At their best, jacks of all trades are multi-talented, knowing a little about a lot and having the confidence to try most of them. They learn quickly and apply their learning in practical ways. They are typically helpful, wanting to share their newly discovered abilities and are ready for the challenge that comes from learning in the moment. Mistakes become “teachable moments”. Possibilities become opportunities for success.

What’s the application?

Jack should learn to describe himself in terms of the projects he enjoys doing, and the style that he prefers using.

What’s the job title he’s looking for?

With a successful track record he can go for positions of Project Manager or Project Director.

What’s the difference?

Project Managers are more hands-on and better at coordinating projects than people. They prefer to take their lead from the one in charge, and deliver the goods based upon the boss’s concrete and explicit expectations.

Project Directors are charged with and enjoy the design, development and execution of the project. They are hands-off, preferring to delegate the details to those designated to do that work. They coordinate the people, who in turn, coordinate the project.

What’s the Good News?

Jack likes projects because they provide the challenge, variety, flexibility, mobility and closure that he craves and that enable him stay with an assignment long enough to complete it.

What’s the Bad News?

Jack has a short attention span. Once the challenge and excitement of a new project has passed, his interest begins to wane. If he can’t close the project in fairly short order, his mind wanders until he locks onto something more exciting.

Is there a fail-safe plan?

If Jack works on projects that he’s interested in and cares about doing, he’s more likely to stay with them until they’re done. Jack makes that happen by finding opportunities: problems that need to be solved to improve efficiencies or effectiveness. Employers prefer assertive, can-do self starters who initiate this process, rather than those who sit and wait to be handed their assignments.

What’s next?

Jack will have to discipline himself to prioritize his projects and limit their number or he’ll be stuck in the pinwheel again.

Jack will have to be persuasive to get the job done. Without having the line manager’s clout or influence, Jack will learn that finesse is as important as function.

Jack’s ultimate success will depend on his team’s success. As their leader it will be his job to ensure that they share a common vision and believe that it’s worth the effort to make it happen. If they trust Jack and he models the behaviors that he expects from them, they will trust each other to communicate openly, efficiently and effectively.

It’s high time that Jack decides to take the wheel instead of being stuck in the middle of it.

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Yes! You may use this article in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since she started he own practice in 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.

Successful Applicants Ask Good Questions

Successful job applicants know how to ask good questions. Good questions let interviewers know that you’re curious; you’ve done your homework; you’re listening to what they’re telling you; and you want to find as good a match as they do.

Good questions focus on the future and explore ways that applicants can contribute to the company’s goals and objectives. Good questions keep the discussion energized and positive. Bad questions sound critical, cynical, confrontational, and close-ended.

Good questions: What are the qualities of your most successful employees? What are some of their greatest accomplishments? What direction is the company heading? What would you like me to achieve in the first 30 days, 60 and 90 days on the job? What training would you like me to complete so I can get up to speed as quickly and effectively as possible? What do you consider important for me to know about this business culture?

Good questioners demonstrate their listening and processing skills by connecting, combining, and confirming key elements of the conversation with good builds. For example:

“Tell me more…” “Please expand your thinking about…” “What I understand you to say is…”

Good questions open the discussion, invite interviewers to educate, elaborate and inform, to be experts, to be good stewards of the company.

Good questions, asked badly, suggest that questioners already know the answer, want confirmation or recognition of their points of view, or are trying to control the conversation. Examples are: “Is (or isn’t) it true that…?” “Can you confirm that…?” “Would (or wouldn’t) you say that…?” Each of these leads suggests the obvious response is a “yes” or “no”. Close-ended questions can stop the conversation in its tracks or take it in a direction that neither the applicant nor the interviewer want to go.

Bad questions focus on “What’s in for me?” These questioners want to know about compensation, benefits, vacation, time off, and exceptions to the rules (“If I’m supposed to start work in the next six weeks that just won’t happen.  I have to go on vacation… I bought my tickets before I knew I’d be interviewing for a job… they were expensive… my family is counting on me to attend…”)

Bad questions target what’s broken and who broke it. Instead of asking, “Why did you fire the last person who held this job?” ask, “What skills and abilities are you looking for in the person you hire?”  Instead of asking, “Why is this company in so much trouble?” ask, “What direction is the company heading?”

Applicants who solve problems want problems to solve and can turn potentially bad questions into good ones with lead-in statements that explain why they’re asking. For example, “I’m a problem solver by trade and training. I add value and contribute most when I protect your bottom line by finding ways to save you time and money. With that in mind, what are some of the challenges the company is currently facing and what are you looking for in the candidate who’s right for this position?”

Applicants who see themselves as efficient (and others may see as impatient) experience frustration and irritation when having to wait to ask questions that concern them most: Will you pay me what I think I deserve? Will you promote me quickly and often? Will I get the insurance coverage I need and the vacation time I deserve? If you cut to the chase too quickly you’ll be cut from the competition. You’ll have time and opportunity to get your answers after you’ve been made the offer and before you decide to accept it. In the meantime, stick with questions that keep you in the game.

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Yes! You may use this article in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since she started he own practice in 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.