Too Much Aggressiveness Eventually Catches Up to You

Frank strode into the room like he owned it. He was tall, imposing, and downright charming. As soon as we sat down, it was another matter.  He cut to the chase: his direct reports were all wrong and his peers were all stupid. He had managed  to the bottom line, had pushed his people hard. He made money and that was what stakeholders expected of him. He didn’t have a problem, the employees did. And so did any fool who would listen to their empty complaints about him.

When Frank joined his company, he had an insatiable hunger to succeed. He knew what to do as soon as he signed on: meet the right people, move up, never over. Twenty  years later, against staggering odds and an even greater body count,  he had succeeded, with a vengeance.

Frank grew up in a mill town and hustled for nickels and dimes as soon as he could walk. He knew what he wanted before he could write his name. Frank was determined to make something of himself and never looked back. He came from working survivors of hard knocks and cold streets, who made ends meet with outside work and back room income.

As soon as Frank was old enough to leave the house,  he was selling something to somebody: newspapers, water filters, gas extenders; you name it, he tried it. He loved the chase, refusals were fodder for his “try harder” mentality. Inevitably, he’d win over his prey with a relentless drive to make it happen. He didn’t find joy in it, or satisfaction. He never would.

Frank became a popular subject for the business press. He was quotable, candid, and made himself  available. When asked, “what drives you?” he’d tell them the glaringly obvious. “If it was there, I wanted it.  And if I wanted it  badly enough, I’d push aside anyone or anything to get it.”

Frank knew how the game was played: do what you have to do; remember who pays your salary, and deal with the fallout  later. His bosses loved him, his raises and promotions proved that. His peers and direct reports didn’t love him, didn’t like him, and didn’t trust him. In the end, they made their point, and won. Bosses don’t fire you. Direct reports do.

Frank was a survivor who made his name salvaging situations no one else would touch. This time he had to salvage his career. He wasn’t going to leave without putting up a fight.

Frank’s boss had called me, asking if I would pound some sense into him. Frank was out of  time. He couldn’t turn this mess around;  he was history. Frank needed to learn what went wrong, what didn’t work; what to do differently.

Whether you employ someone like Frank or feel that this story could be about you,  pay attention to these fix it now suggestions:

• Watch what you say and who you say it to: If you’re overly aggressive,  you’re probably managing up better than down or over.

• Develop peripheral vision. Make others look good; give credit where it’s due; promote the work of your direct reports; act as a mentor; listen more than you talk.

• Watch your body language: Turning away from others or multi-tasking when they’re talking to you is off-putting at best, and arrogant at worst. Give undivided attention to the speaker, and ask questions to clarify what  you’re hearing, not to justify what you ‘re thinking.

• Watch everyone else: There’s plenty of feedback to be had by watching others watch you. Relationship building and maintaining is key to career success both inside and outside the company.

Who do you trust? People trust trustworthy people. Men and women of integrity are valued in reputable organizations. They have no need to hoard information so that others are overly dependent upon them. They are confident without having to build their self worth off someone else’s errors.

Frank got fired. You may have time to turn your career around, if you work at it. You’re too talented and too old to waste time blaming everyone else for your lapse in judgment.

* * * *

Yes! You may use this article by Executive and Career Coach, Joyce Richman, in your blog, article in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since she started her own practice in 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.

Try a Day of Trust

She’s too smart, she makes you feel stupid.

He’s too quiet; you don’t know what he’s thinking.

She won’t shut up; she won’t let you think.

He thinks so much; he doesn’t care.

She cares so much she doesn’t think.

It’s just never good enough, is it?

You’re either too much of this or too little of that and you want to just be left alone to do your job.

I hear you.

I really do hear you. I get calls every day from people who are over the top with the stress they’re feeling at work, at home, or from the news. And they want a break.

So let’s give them one. Give yourselves a break. For one day, let it go. Let go of the finger pointing, head shaking, eye rolling, that only makes it harder on everyone to be creative, productive, and successful. For one day, stop competing against each other and start collaborating with each other.

Instead of finding fault, find something to value. How hard is it, for just one day?

I don’t trust her.

He doesn’t trust me.

We don’t trust them

They don’t trust us.

Give it up. For just one day. Trust somebody. Trust that for this one day no one is trying to do you in, stab you in the back, steal your ideas, or make your life miserable.

For this one day, be okay with yourself and the people you work with. Be okay with your boss and the company that still writes the checks.

Model behavior that builds up and doesn’t tear down.

Talk about what people need to hear before you talk about what you want to say.

Get tough on problems and go easy on people.

Be strong without having to make others weak.

Be right without acting self righteous.

If you made the wrong call, own it, fix it, learn from it, and say so.

Separate the wrong call from being wrong; and the right call and being right.

Separate who you are from what you do.

Let the baggage go. For just one day.

If you’re the boss, get out of your office, find your employees, talk to them, let them talk to you, and listen to what they say. They want you to know how stressed they are, so let them. They want you to say where “next” and “there” is, so tell them. It’s your job to set the tone and the direction. If you don’t have answers to the questions they ask, say so, and answer the questions they haven’t asked but need to know. The want to have the picture and they want a part to play in the solution. Give it to them.

Wherever you work, show up, stand up and step up. Prioritize objectives, focus on what you can control, and take action. Ask questions, find answers, and there aren’t any available, take the lead, put together a plan, and work that plan, because when it comes down to it, you’re the one accountable for your future.

****

Yes! You may use this article by Executive and Career Coach, Joyce Richman, in your blog, article in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since she started her own practice in 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.

Cut to the Chase on Job Searching

Let’s cut to the chase:  The best way to find a job that’s a match or has potential for being one is to network. Seventy-five percent of available jobs are found in the ‘hidden market’. Spend seventy-five percent of your time looking for them there.

Does that mean employers don’t advertise their openings? They do when they must but most would rather hire people they know personally or prospects referred by people they know. Most employers would rather save time and money by networking for candidates rather than going through the laborious and expensive process of scanning resumes, fielding and returning calls, setting up phone screens and formal interviews. When they can identify someone through referral they can fast track the hiring process

Then why should you respond to newspaper and on-line job postings?

They represent about twenty-five percent of what’s available so they’re worth about twenty-five percent of your time and effort.

What is networking?

Networking is an exchange of information that takes place between job seekers and those who potentially know where the jobs are. Networking is a contact sport. You call people you know personally and have a shared interest, who know people with whom they have a shared interest, who would be open to talking to you about who they know who might know where there’s a job for someone who does what you do.

That’s right, you’re going in circles.

To intersect with opportunities that are right for you, multiply your circle of contacts and you’ll reach the greatest number of people in the shortest period of time.

Why would they talk to you?

Because they have something in common with you. People recommend people they know and they typically like people with whom they share an interest. That interest could be opera or fly fishing; comedy or carpentry; dancing, diving, biking and hiking. That commonality invites trust and trust opens the door to opportunity.

What should you say?

Tell the truth. Keep it simple; be straightforward. Say you’re looking for a job. Describe what you do (in 10 seconds or less) and why it matters (in 10 seconds or less). Because you have something in common with the people you’re talking to, they’re willing to help. So ask their advice and brainstorm with them about who you should talk to, to find a good match.

What should you do?

Be quiet so they can do ask you some questions and make some suggestions. Be interested in their opinion and keep the conversation going. If the timing’s right, ask for names of people you can contact who can get you closer to your goal.

How should you act?

Focused, upbeat, optimistic, forward looking and appreciative of the person’s time and interest. You’ll get referrals if you’re flexible and easy to get along with; if you can communicate what you want and demonstrate how you make a difference; if you’re self aware and comfortable with who you are. Model those behaviors when network, interview, when you do your job, and live your life, and you’ll get closer to where you want to go.

****

Yes! You may use this article by Executive and Career Coach, Joyce Richman, in your blog, article in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since she started her own practice in 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.

Feedback: Too Much, Too Little or Too Late

Feedback. Too much or too little? It depends on who you’re asking:

“Everybody tells me what to do; from my mother to my manager. You’d think I didn’t have a brain in my head. Why can’t people just keep their opinions to themselves and let me do my job?”

“The only time I get any feedback is at my annual review, which I get every eighteen months to two years, if I’m lucky. Even then, it’s sketchy, abstract, and I don’t know what to do with it. Next thing you know, I’m let go, and I didn’t see it coming.”

Feedback. If more people knew how, what, and why to give it and more people knew how to do something with it, everyone and the bottom line would benefit.

Whether you’ve been into feedback avoidance, or you’re known as Attila the Feedback Giver, this framework should help you to prepare for and deliver feedback more effectively:

Approach your feedback meeting with the assumption that you don’t know everything; therefore, you don’t have all the answers.

Allow time for give and take. You’re heading into a discussion with someone who will provide you perspectives that you don’t have.

Develop an outline:

• What’s your goal?

Why are you giving this feedback?
What do you want to achieve by giving it?

• What exactly is the problem?

Who is it about?
What is it about?
How does it relate to the person you are giving feedback to?

• Who solves the problem?

Whose responsibility is it?
How much authority has this person in solving the problem?

• What are the available options?

What are the pros and cons of each option?
Who will benefit and how and at what cost?

• What’s the action plan?

Who’s going to solve the problem or meet the challenge?
What do they need to get it done?
How will you measure their progress?
How will you know if and when the problem is solved?

Despite careful planning and candid acknowledgment that giving objective and timely feedback makes sense, many employers “choke” when it comes to providing it.

• They fear negative reactions and don’t want to deal with them.
• They think they don’t have time to do it right, so they wait until they do. They won’t and they don’t.
• They believe it’s faster to fix the problem themselves.
• They complain that people are unpredictable. They’d rather work with widgets.

The rubber abruptly meets the road when these same bosses get deep-sixed with the very feedback that they avoided giving. Because they got it too late, they may lose their jobs.

Vicious cycle, isn’t it.

Good supervisors, managers, leaders provide feedback to enable their employees to grow and develop in their positions, to take on increasing levels of responsibility and authority, to free their bosses to accomplish the goals for which they are accountable.

Feedback, when delivered appropriately, benefits everyone.

It must be provided on a consistent basis and in a climate that is safe and supportive.

It’s a two way street. Give it and get it. Model it by asking your employees two questions:

What do you want me to do more?

What would you like me to do less?

Listen to what you are being told. Probe for deeper understanding. Ask for examples that would help you see the point that is being made. Rather than appearing to defend your behavior, learn why doing it differently would benefit others.

Providing and receiving feedback can be habit forming. When compared to other addictions, this is one with positive side effects that builds, rather than tears down, human capital.

* * * *

Yes! You may use this article by Executive and Career Coach, Joyce Richman, in your blog, article in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since she started her own practice in 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.