(If your name is Dani and this story reads like a story you’ve lived, It’s just a coincidence.)

Dani had that All American Girl look, the one the Ivory Soap commercials used to feature; scrubbed, fresh-faced, healthy, outdoor gals who exuded intelligence along with good taste in facial cleansing products.

She was having trouble with her career, feeling a little stuck, and not knowing what to do about it.

Dani had gone to a college of her parent’s choosing, and majored in her father’s preference, business. His reasoning, sound as always, was that she’d be able to earn a substantial income with that degree and blessed with her intelligence she’d have no trouble mastering the coursework required of her.

Dani had always been conflicted regarding a career direction. Her biggest problem was that she didn’t want to think about it. Her father had been trying to focus her attention on a career as long as she could remember. His mantra was always the same: you’re smart, school comes easily to you, and you can do anything you set your mind to.  That was the rub. She didn’t want to set her mind to anything. She was an excellent student who didn’t have to study. She spent her free time doing what she loved: drawing, reading, taking walks in the woods, her dogs always by her side.  She loved art and always had a sketchbook in hand. As important as art was to her, she had an even greater passion for the outdoors.  Typically soft spoken and low key, she surprised herself and others with how strongly she felt about protecting, conserving, and advocating for the environment.

As a student, Dani excelled in math but had no desire to do anything with it, an issue her father repeatedly raised when asking her to examine her career options and the potential of each. He insisted that she didn’t need to love her work to excel in it. It was only logical that she major in business. Case closed.

“Listen to me. You’re my only child. I want what’s best for you. Why would I steer you wrong?”

Dani had no trouble gaining entrance to the college of her parents’ dreams. She dropped out after spring semester of her freshman year, and moved in with some artist friends she had known when she was in high school. She stayed away from college and parents for several years, taking part time  jobs at a veterinary hospital, a city recreation department, a natural science center, and a nature conservancy. She wasn’t able to make peace with herself and felt directionless in her work.

Over time she reconnected with her family but carefully avoided any discussion of her working future. Her parents, catching on that forcing the issue forced their unwanted separation from her, learned to avoid the topic. They were as concerned as ever, but over time and reluctantly, let go of their need to control Dani’s future for her.

Relieved that her parents were providing her the space and tentative acceptance she needed, Dani returned to school. This time it was one she chose. It wasn’t as highly regarded as her parents’ choice, but it was located in the town where she lived and she could afford it. She attended year round, working part time jobs to pay her tuition, and accepting, sparingly and gratefully, a little financial support from her parents. They worried as much as usual but wisely kept their concerns and counsel to themselves.

Dani combined her natural interests and competencies, majored in Forestry Management, and to her own relief and the enthusiastic applause of her parents, received her degree five years later.

That’s almost the end of the story. If you remember, Dani was at a stuck place in her career. She loved her work but there was something missing and she didn’t know what it was. Perhaps you’ve guessed. She’s an artist, a natural, yet she hadn’t picked up a sketchpad since her first attempt at college (“I lost my desire to paint or draw anything, that’s how miserable I was back then” she said.). Today, Dani has as rich a life outside her work as she has within it. She volunteers at the local children’s museum and “Y”, teaching youngsters the nature and wonder of art and ecology. She enjoys life. The Ivory Soap people would be proud.

* * * *

Yes! You may use this article by Executive and Career Coach, Joyce Richman, in your blog, article in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since she started her own practice in 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com

A client  shared this childhood experience with me and described the  impact that it’s had on her life and career. She said I could share it with you. The only thing I’ve changed are the names…

“Momma loved to get into her car and drive wide open. Only problem was she’d fall asleep at the wheel. She’d sleep anywhere she’d put herself and she was more apt to put herself at the wheel than anywhere else.”

Momma had narcolepsy and Sally was the designated child to keep her alive. Sally was the fourth of four, didn’t have a daddy, and was the one most likely to do anything she and her momma set their minds to doing. She was, hands down, her mother’s favorite.

Little wonder that when momma had just about enough of the round eyed “huh-us? “ of her three other children, she’d take off to the garage and back out the old Plymouth. Grinding gears and dialing up the radio, she’d start yelling for Sally to jump in quick.

Sally learned to run real fast when she’d hear the screen door slam and momma halloo to her. Momma wanted to get out in the cool night air, driving 80 miles an hour on country roads and hairpin curves, before she’d fall asleep again.

“Saaaallllllyyyyyy!!!” she’d be hollering. “Keep your blessed mother awake. Talk to me child, talk to me loud!”

Sally would bounce on her haunches, ears set up high like a terrier’s, talking and laughing and singing at the top of her lungs. She was having another electric evening with momma, keeping her awake at the wheel while they’d fly into the night. While they’d fly by the stars.

That was a long time ago. Now, Sally’s the grown up vice president of sales and marketing for a large consumer goods manufacturer, and the acknowledged right hand to a smart as a whip entrepreneur who doubles as a president and change agent.

He values Sally’s ability to know what he wants before he wants it, her ability to take risk and maintain a sense of balance amidst the chaos and ambivalence that risk creates. Above all, he values her ability to inhale his frenetic energy and exhale calm and confidence. Their combination is unbeatable.

For years recruiters have plied her with opportunities to lead companies; they implore her to “just talk with the search committee. Listen to what they’re telling you, Sally. You can do this! The sky’s the limit for you.”

She’ll have none of it. She knows who she is and what she does best. She’s not about to jump, untethered, into a career abyss. She knows what she brings to the table and is well compensated for it. Her career has taken off like her mother’s Plymouth and she’s not about to crash into Old Man Peabody’s store.

Mr. Peabody ran the general store at Cooper’s Crossing.  He was an ornery old coot and there wasn’t a soul in town who wanted to get around him. He probably never slept ‘cause you could see him, day or night, leaning on the counter next to the cash register, staring at nothing in particular. That was until the night momma flew into his store. Or crashed into it; depending on your perspective.

Sally and momma had taken off on one of their hair-raising rides through the countryside. Momma seemed different that night; she was calmer and drove like most other folks. The radio was turned down low, and somebody was singing something soft and sweet. Lulled by the near gentleness of the ride, Sally took her eyes off momma, and off the road ahead, and fell asleep.

It was then, or a second later, that they landed smack on top of the general store. Lucky for Mr. Peabody, he glimpsed momma and me and the car coming. That was just before it came to rest on the other side of the cash register.

He took a liking to momma, who took a liking to him, which kept her out of trouble, and Sally got to finish growing up. Years would pass before she’d realize how profound the experience was and how large a part it played in how she lived her life.

Sally’s willing to take the necessary risks when the goal feels right and the people wanting it are worth the challenge. What she learned from growing up with her mother was to anticipate: anything can take you off course.

She’s learned to evaluate, on the fly when necessary, that sometimes you have to take control away from those people who can destroy more than what looks like a summer night’s drive to the moon.

That’s what Sally does, and her boss trusts her to do it well.

* * * *

Yes! You may use this article by Executive and Career Coach, Joyce Richman, in your blog, article in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since she started her own practice in 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.

If you have to think if  your joke is appropriate, it’s not. If you hesitate before lambasting a colleague, don’t. If you stop, however briefly, to determine the correctness of your comment, that’s reason enough to move it from the top of your agenda and the tip of your tongue. Study your action under cooler circumstances.

Company leaders familiar with personnel law and risk management are putting their employees on alert. Co-workers, already stressed with the “too much to do and no time to do it” syndrome, haven’t the energy or patience to tolerate abusive comments, raunchy jokes, and questionable language. Employees who feel harassed are threatening legal recourse in increasing numbers and companies that don’t want to appear on the court docket (or in the court of public opinion) know they mean business. Pun intended.

Why does bad behavior get a blind eye?

I had a client, a senior executive, sent to me for “corrective action.” His problem? He ogled women. He ogled women in elevators, in restaurants, in business meetings. He ogled his eyeballs out. No one took action until he visually groped the wrong woman (correction, the right woman) who reported his behavior to human resources and sent  copies of her complaint to the corporate attorney and the Chairman of the Board. As they attempted to placate the offended, they remanded the ogler to me.

He was angry.  He felt blindsided and railroaded. He resented that he was nailed as the bad guy. “They’re all part of it!” he exploded. “Everyone of them!”

What’s his story?

“Sure I do it,” he said. “And all the guys here love it. They laugh, they hoot, they cheer me on. As soon as I get caught, they run for cover,  screaming ‘blame him’, then sanctimoniously offer prayers for my redemption. No one ever said, “you’re out of line” until the legal department got hold of it.”

Was he telling the truth? I checked. He was. This guy had been acting that way for all the years he had been employed with the company. It bothered some, it didn’t bother others, and most said they either didn’t notice and if they did, they didn’t care. He was a heavy hitter. He made a lot of money for the company and everyone profited from his being there. No one gave him fair warning.

No wonder he was screaming foul. Does that give him a pass? No. He was wrong. His boss was wrong and his colleagues were wrong. Someone needed to step up and straighten this guy out. No one did.

Take a look around. If you’re working with people who cross the line in how they act or or what they say, do them a favor and do it now. Tell them that it makes youuncomfortable.  If they don’t want to hear about it, let them know that you’re taking it up the line.

Don’t wait. Whether you’re the target or the observer, take action before the behavior escalates to a consequence no one can back away from.

How do you know what’s out of bounds?

Is the joke at someone’s expense? Does the humor, no matter how foot-stomping, scapegoat someone? Is the behavior intimidating, humiliating, harassing, to someone?

Some people revel in over the top candor. “I tell it like it is, whether people like it or not!” For what purpose? Is the outcome they seek undone by the manner in which they seek it?

There was a time that companies and co-workers tolerated behavior that should never have been allowed. That time has gone. And the people who are doing it are going with it.

* * * *

Yes! You may use this article by Executive and Career Coach, Joyce Richman, in your blog, article in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since she started her own practice in 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.

If you’re following trends, you’ll notice that a significant number of workers want to make a difference where they work, want community in their workplace, and want their company to make a difference in the community in which they live.

That’s a real shift from the days of the unwritten employment contract that whispered, as long as you show up and do your job, you’ll have a job until you retire. In those days Americans didn’t need community in the workplace, they found it in the community. They felt relatively safe and secure. They joined clubs, attended churches, volunteered services, and enjoyed neighborhood socials.

The era of gold watch employment ended when mergers and acquisitions began. Safety and security was something you bought in the hardware store.  Two career families were the order of the day and multi tasking meant you worked more than one job. There wasn’t time to do anything but job #1 and that meant keeping your job.

Fewer people socialized for the camaraderie, for the sport, for the good of it. (For more on this, check out Bowling Alone, The Collapse and Revival of American Community, by Robert D. Putnam, Professor of Public Policy at Harvard University.  Dr. Putnam was in Greensboro in November and spoke with community leaders about research that describes 30 years of declining interest and trust in networks and communities, and the impact that has on education, crime, and the economy.)

Today, employees have jobs that last from pay check to pay check with no guarantees attached. Accordingly, they have responded with their own unwritten agreement: I’ll stay as long as you provide what I need and if someone else can provide more of it, I’ll go with them.

Employees say, in record numbers, that they are stressed by the uncertainty they experience in the workplace. What they want at the end of the day is to go home and cocoon until they have to venture out again. They don’t have the energy to socialize, at least not like they used to.

If workplace stress erodes social capital, individuals are less effective. Those catchy phrases, “Keep your head down”; “watch your back”; “trust no one”; collide with a basic human need to connect to places and people where and with whom they spend more time and energy than anywhere else.

Many people see socializing as a need more than a want. For them it’s about synergy and the whole being greater than the sum of its parts; that people feel more in balance and productive when they interact with others in venues where they find mutual value, importance, and respect.

The good news is that savvy business leaders are reading the polls, watching the surveys, and counting the numbers of employees who leave and don’t return.  They’re getting it and responding in ways that are working.

For the last five years Fortune Magazine has published its list of 100 Best Companies to Work for In America. The summary data, based on questionnaires completed by company employees, describe many of the “best” companies valuing what’s important to the people who work for them. They highlight companies that donate time and money to community causes; that train, develop, and educate their employees.

They focus on leader/managers who communicate, non stop, the vision and values of the company; what’s important, why, and how each employee can contribute individually and as a team, to making it happen. They say that the best companies do the right things for the right reasons and encourage their employees to do the same.

* * * *

Yes! You may use this article by Executive and Career Coach, Joyce Richman, in your blog, article in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since she started her own practice in 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com