I Can’t Leave — Part 2

Last week’s column focused on an unhappy, conflicted employee who feels unappreciated and undervalued. She wants to quit her current job, hoping to get more of what she needs somewhere else and she’s afraid that if she leaves, she won’t succeed.

She dislikes being invisible even as she stands in the shadows. She wants more pay and promotions yet is satisfied with a no-risk job in a low risk setting because it allows her to “not have to do any more than I want to.”

Her self-perception is that she’s a strong contributor who adds value. Others experience her as doing as little as possible and getting by as best she can. They see no reason for her to advance or to pay her more to do what is seen as average effort. They are willing to continue her employment because she doesn’t cause problems and doesn’t generate complaints.

Why bother to tell the story? Because she, like many others, are at the cusp of being shocked by a rude awakening. Being average, middling, run of the mill, is not going to be good enough. There are too many employees and soon-to-be’s who are willing and wanting to do more and learn more, challenge and be challenged, and they’re elbowing out change-resisting sub-par performers who will have difficulty finding other jobs that pay as well, benefits that do as much, and employers as willing to pay for yesterday’s performance on today’s jobs.

She says that all she wants is that “people miss me when I’m away, smile when I return, and say ‘thank you’ at the end of the day.” She wants to know “is that asking too much?”

It’s not asking too much unless she’s asking that the workplace replace the security of family, co-workers provide the intimacy of friendship, and courtesy continue as the coin of the realm. She may be disappointed about the first two. The third, courtesy, should be an expectation that continues to be extended and met, consistently, and over time, by everyone, no matter the job, the workplace, or the employer.

She asks for employers who will “tell me what to do, tell me I’m doing it well, and tell me I’m appreciated for it.”

Today’s employers need to set specific expectations, offer specialized training, provide semi-annual performance reviews and give just in time feedback. These employers also need to step back and allow the employee time to demonstrate competency in order to objectively determine if the employee is progressing, developing, and readying him or herself for this and the next opportunity.

Employees need to ask for and be open to feedback. They need to challenge themselves to do more than just enough; to learn more than what’s adequate; and to develop in areas that will be strategic assets not just tactical improvements.

Employees who want pay increases demonstrate their ability to add value. Employees who want promotions demonstrate their ability and desire to manage calculated risks, lead change, and accept accountability for the results.

As difficult as it may be to hear, “What have you done for me lately? ” is the mantra of most employers. What you did yesterday, last week, or last year, is history. What you can do for me today, tomorrow, and six months from now is the currency that’s in demand.

Nice is good. Nice people fit in. Nice people achieve and advance when they combine their good will, respectful responses, and team-oriented behaviors with tactical know-how, strategic insights, and action- to- goal focus that results in wins for the company and for all stakeholders invested in the outcome.

More Questions from Readers

Q: I’ve heard that I’m supposed to send a thank you note after every interview. I think that’s nonsense. Interviewers don’t give me anything so why should I thank them?

A: You’re not the only one who questions the notion of sending thank you letters to prospective employers, so this is a good opportunity to reframe the issue. The purpose of the letter is to move the interview process forward. Open with a “thank you for seeing me this past Wednesday afternoon to discuss my candidacy for your open position in materials management” then move on to the intention of the letter, which is to emphasize your ability to do the job and your desire to work for their company. Close with a “looking forward to our next conversation”; sign, seal, stamp it, and you’re done. That wasn’t so bad, was it?

Q: I’ve sent out hundreds of resumes and cover letters and haven’t received a single response. I’m an English major, confident about my writing style and have been told I write very well. I’ll send you samples and hope you’ll tell me what I’m doing wrong.

A: I read your samples and yes, you do write well. The problem isn’t with your style, spelling, or sentence structure. It’s with your lack of specificity. Your resume and cover letter highlight variety and breadth, not specificity or depth. Your objective indicates what you want instead of what you can do. Resumes that hit the mark begin with, and focus on, a clear objective: what you can do for the company that hires you. They outline job experiences and accomplishments that prove the point: clearly stated, quantifiable ways you’ve benefited past employers by driving top line or protecting bottom line.

Q: A friend of mine suggests that my habit of “eye rolling” might explain why I’m never called back for second interviews or made job offers. I know I do it when I hear things I think are absurd, but I’ve never considered that I could be doing it on job interviews. Now I wonder if I can stop myself. Any ideas?

A: I’d start by asking friends for more real-time feedback, so you can identify the stimuli that cause your responses, and work hard to eliminate them. If you’re concerned that eye rolls, grimaces, shrugs, and sighs of exasperation might escape your attention but not that of an interviewer, pay attention to your internal response to the conversation. If the person says something with which you disagree or take issue, probe for better understanding and probe respectfully. Here are examples of safe yet honest replies: “I’m surprised by what you just said, tell me more…” Or “I’m interested in your comments, tell me more”; “Your reaction surprises me… tell me more.” “I’d like to hear more about why you say that, so please, tell me more.”

Q: Company A has made me an offer. I’m also interviewing with Company B. I would rather work for B. How can I keep my options open and not kill my chances with both companies?

A: When employers make an offer they want an answer, and at minimum they want to know when they will get one. Therefore, thank Company A for the offer; indicate that you’re very interested; and promise they’ll have your answer in 72 hours. Call Company B; tell them you have been made an offer and that you have 48 hours to respond. Ask them what choice they would make, were they in your shoes and knowing what they know about your chances with their company. If they tell you to accept the offer in hand, you have your answer.

More Q&A

Q: What’s the best way to answer the “tell me about yourself” question? Should I start with where I’m from? Where I went to school? Or what my work experience has been?

A: Answer with how you can make a difference to the employer who’s sitting in front of you. . That’s what she wants to know. If she wants something more or something else she’ll promptly say so.

Q: I get the feeling that I’m boring or that I talk too much. Interviewers shuffle their papers, clear their throats, even had one open his mail right in the middle of one of my answers. Are they rude or am I taking too much of their time?

A: It could be a combination of both. If it happens more than once (and it sounds like it does) get some real-time candid feedback from family and friends on your conversational style. Be sure to tell them why it’s important and ask that they signal when you’ve provided adequate information when discussing a topic or answering a question. With practice you’ll find the rhythm that works for you and your conversation partners.

Q: I’m a person of few words. Too few, it appears. I’m getting first interviews but no follow-ons. My wife thinks I don’t talk enough. I don’t want to state the obvious, so I don’t. How can I find the right balance?

A: Match the style, tempo, and conversational content of the interviewer. If she’s verbose and you give answers that could fit atop the head of a pin, that’s not enough. If she’s succinct and you go on and on in your response, that‘s too much.

Q: I do fine when I answer interviewers’ questions. I draw a blank when they ask me to ask them questions. I feel like they’ve told me all I need to know. Is it all right to just tell them that, and not respond further?

A: By answering all that you are asked you demonstrate an ability and desire to respond to requests and a willingness to do as you are told. When you ask questions you demonstrate an ability to listen, retain information, and build on that information. Do both. Good examples of probing questions that get deeper into issues and challenges at hand, that anticipate consequences and follow through on conclusions are those that ask the interviewer to “tell me more…”

Q: I’m a job seeker. I have a good education and excellent work experience. I get really perturbed when employers do not return my phone calls. To whom should I complain? I’ve called their home office, have left word on their voice mail (Don’t get me started on that) and have emailed the CEO of the corporation. That’s how angry it makes me! What else can I do?

A: It sounds like you have lots of passion and a strong desire to pursue an outcome. You might enjoy work in customer service, credit and collections, even consumer advocacy. In the meantime, consider re-applying all that energy to your job search and prospective employers who appreciate that degree of drive and determination.

Q: My son is a college graduate who’s been out of school for three years, living with us and on us, his parents. He’s making no apparent effort to get a full time job (he’s a sometime waiter and part time bartender at his old college hang-outs) and my husband and I want to get on with our lives. We love him, but we want him to move on so we can. What do you suggest?

A: Move on, dear people, move on. Give junior a move out by date, 30 days notice, and stick with it.

Questions from Readers

Thanks for your calls, emails, and the questions you’re asking. Here are a few examples:

Q: I have a question about my resume. I’ve worked for many companies, held both hourly and salaried positions, volunteered for countless committees, and traveled to every state in the US. Because I’ve accomplished so much I can’t possibly include it all in a two- page resume. I figure it’ll take about five pages if I use small type. How many pages am I allowed?

A: If you were writing an autobiography, you could pen all the pages your heart desires. But you’re not. You’re writing a two- page resume in readable type that spells out the value you offer an employer by specifying and quantifying your work related accomplishments and connecting them to your clearly stated objective. If you have content that’s off topic, take it off the resume. Most resume readers, on average, review a resume in 20 seconds and make a determination: it’s in or it’s out. The more focused and succinct your written presentation, the greater your likelihood of making it to the in box.

Q: When I go to work sites or on line to fill in applications I notice that I’ve already answered most of the questions on my resume. Is it OK to just attach the resume to the application instead of wasting time copying one to the other?

A: If you are asked to complete an application, do it. If you think it’s optional, it isn’t. Do it. Print your answer to each question, fill in each line, check each box, and print legibly. The application form will ask that you provide a list of professional references and contact information, provide it. And now for the good news: after you’ve completed that assignment you can hand it in, along with a copy of your resume.

Q: How many on-line or newspaper openings should I pursue at one time? I think I should go one at a time and not proceed with a new application with until I know if I have the job. What do you think?

A: I think you should pursue every opportunity you can chase down and everyone that comes your way. A successful job hunt is a numbers game that requires long-haul energy, optimism, and self-confidence. There’s a direct correlation between improved odds and optimism/confidence. The more you have going for you, the greater the odds you’ll land something.

Q: I notice that some interviewers spend the entire time talking and don’t ask any questions. What should I, as the applicant, do in that circumstance? I don’t want to interrupt but how else will the employer know what I have to offer?

A: Some interviewers are naturally gregarious. Once they get going they can be hard to stop. Some are naturally excited about their companies and go on at great length about possibilities and potential. Your job as the applicant is, from the moment you are introduced, to demonstrate your energy, your interest, and your ability to add value to the discussion and to the company.

Q: I have a tough time with interviewers who don’t acknowledge what I’m saying to them. They just ask one question after the other, and don’t give a clue about what they’re thinking. How am I supposed to know where I stand if they don’t tell me?

A: Focus on each question and answer it to the best of your ability. Periodically ask the interviewer if he/she would like more or different information than what you are providing. Bottom line, you won’t know where you stand until you get a call back for another interview or are made an offer.

Who Needs a Career Coach?

Who benefits from career coaching? Employees and job seekers who are lost, confused, frustrated, and stuck; who’ve been downsized, merged and acquired; who have questions, want answers, and need direction. Are you a likely candidate? Here are some descriptors that might help you decide.

“I’m lost. Where am I supposed to go with my career? I’m working but waking up to the fact that time’s passing and I don’t have anything to show for it.”

“I’m safe but sorry. When I was a kid I knew exactly what I wanted to be when I grew up. Then I grew up. My parents worried and wanted to be sure my future was secure. The more they worried, the more I second- guessed myself. I set aside my dreams and took a safe job. I’m in my forties now and I’ve been miserable for most of my safe working life. I need to find my way back to what I wanted to do, and I don’t know how.”

“I’m frustrated. I like what I do and I’m better at it than most of my co-workers. I’m frustrated because they’re getting the promotions and increases that I deserve. I want compensation along with recognition and I don’t know how to get it.”

“I was fired. I don’t understand why it happened so I don’t know how to explain it or get past it. I’ve lost my confidence and self respect and I don’t know how to get it back.”

“I’ve been downsized and I need to learn how to complete for job opportunities available in my local area.”

“I’m a college student with a liberal arts major and no job prospects. I want to know what I’m best suited for, so I can take the courses I’ll need for my career.”

“I’m too old and I don’t fit in; that’s the message I’m getting. I struggle with change. My experience doesn’t appear to be valued. I need guidance. Should I go back to school? Buy new clothes? Get a face-lift? Or do all three?”

“I’m invisible. I wake up and go to work. I go home and go to sleep so I can wake up and do it all over again. No one says hello, goodbye, or thank you. I want people to know that I’m more I’m worth more than a paycheck. I just don’t know how.”

“I freeze on interviews, don’t get offers, and need help. I don’t need a good book, I need a good coach.”

Career coaches don’t find you jobs, we don’t make you younger, wiser, or give you courage. We offer non-judgmental perspective, objective feedback, strategy, tactics, and direction.

We offer inventories and assessments; we ask open-ended questions; we listen to what you tell us about your blocks and barriers, aspirations, motivations, values, needs, work and life experiences. And we make sense of it, for you.

We help you understand that how you think and what you say applies to what you want to achieve. We help you see ways to optimize your strengths and strategize ways to get to the outcomes you deserve.  We clarify the unknown with practical language and pragmatic techniques.

We give you the help you need to find, keep, and advance in the right job and the added perspective you need to determine when you’re in the wrong one. We do all that with you.  We don’t do it for you. That’s your job.

For more information, call us at Joyce Richman and Associates Ltd., or contact your local university and community college career development office, public library, or community based organizations dedicated to providing the information and counsel you seek.

Q&A

“I’m intimidating. I know it. I don’t like it. I’ve never known what to do about it. Believe me, I’ve tried. It’s my personality. My whole family’s like that. My mom’s direct and my father more so. My brothers and sisters are all competitive go-getters. We earned our stripes around the kitchen table. Every meal was a potluck of competing voices and spirited debates. We argued about everything you shouldn’t; from politics and religion, to obscure factoids and just plain nonsense. We loved it.  No surprise that everyone who grew up in our house is candid, opinionated, and brutally honest. The problem we’ve all encountered is that no one seems to like our opinions as much as we do.”

The caller had been terminated from a job she enjoyed and thought she was doing well. Her boss had consistently rated her as “exceeding expectations” and “high achieving”. She recalled being told that her overbearing style was “difficult” but it didn’t seem to be a big deal. She assumed that achievement outweighed style; that despite her argumentative nature, she actually cared what people thought.

She remembered another occasion when her boss had taken her aside and asked that she hold back in meetings and let others take the lead; that her colleagues were less apt to talk after she stated her opinion.  When that happened she thought it best to say less and keep a respectful distance. In her exit interview she was stunned to learn that her efforts at humility were interpreted as having  “a demanding style and negative attitude that was punctuated by moodiness and thinly veiled hostility.”

She was frustrated, angry, hurt and confused.

“I don’t know how to fix this or if I can.  I’m afraid to take another job for fear of it happening again. Do other people have this problem? What can I do about it?

You’re not the only one. You have more company than you might imagine. And yes, you can you keep it from happening again if , and that’s a big, heavy-lifting if, you’re willing to 1) search for employment opportunities in organizational cultures that reward your strengths and value your personality style; 2) seek on-going objective, constructive feedback and coaching from a limited number of trusted sources so you can understand when and why your behaviors net negative reactions; 3) learn alternative responses that net positive outcomes.

In the meantime, consider the following, reevaluate your past actions, and choose more effective ways to relate and react to others.

Communicators who are as forceful, direct, and uncompromising as you describe yourself, should work with employees equally comfortable with that combative style. Therefore, stay away from jobs that require you to be a team player or a team leader. That’s not you. Stay away from jobs that require you to develop and learn from others. That’s not you either. You want a job that gives you the right to always be right, a trait as unpleasant to employers and co-workers as it is to prospective customers, clients, and vendors.

You can change your behavior without changing your character. You can be honest, open, and direct and bring out the best in others if you focus on them instead of yourself. You can learn patience, develop empathy, and demonstrate compassion without compromising quality, performance, or outcomes. You can learn to give others time and space to make their points without challenging or ridiculing them. You can learn to question perspective, not judge it. You can learn to invite expansive thinking and not limit or diminish creative response.

You have the makings of a leader and the style of a bully. Develop the former, forgo the latter and you have great potential for career success.

Question: How do I find a job after prison?

Q: “I’ve recently been released from prison and want to get back into my profession. I’ve been trying to re-hone my skills but given my felony record am I just spinning my wheels? What do I say when I’m asked about the lapse in my employment

A:You’re not spinning your wheels, you will find employment, and you will have some real challenges ahead. Let’s start with the first hurdles to overcome, and go from there:

Responsible employers will not want to put you, their employees, or the public the company serves, into situations that create the perception, real or imagined, of danger. Therefore, sit down with your parole officer and counselor before you interview. Identify work environments and interpersonal situations to avoid and those that are appropriate to approach. Candidly discuss the reasonable, practical, and emotional concerns that prospective employers and their employees might have, given your recent history. Prepare yourself to respond to those fears in ways that not only demonstrate self-awareness, but also describe the conscious changes you’ve made in your behavior and your ability to respond to others.

Address the lapses in your employment history in a truthful and straightforward way. You mentioned “re-honing your skills”. Describe how you’ve continued your education during and following the time you were imprisoned; and the preparations you have made for the career direction you are taking.  Describe your past accomplishments and your ability to contribute to the future success of the company you’d like to join.

Your challenge, and it’s a big one, is getting the interviewer to focus on what you’re saying and not on where you’ve been and what got you there.

To accomplish that, address what concerns them most. Ask prospective employers to ask you any and all work related questions or concerns they have relative to your history in or out of prison. Ask them to describe the challenges they believe you will confront at their place of business. Then answer those concerns in an honest and forthright manner.

Q: I’m concerned about the application form. How can I answer the question about felonies so that my job application won’t get tossed as soon as my response is read?

A: Answer that question and every question truthfully. Will your application be tossed? It’s likely that it will. What can you do about it?

There’s more to all of us than can be demonstrated on an application or resume. Talk to the people who know you best, stood by you, and are willing to take a chance on you. Those individuals, directly or indirectly, may know people who hire people.

You’re asking for a chance to tell an employer your story: your work history, why you were arrested, what you’ve learned as a result, and your efforts to now make good on the rest of your life.

Q: How can I regain my self-respect? My confidence is gone. I’m afraid to get out there and tell my story. What can I do to move forward?

A: I’ve never been in your shoes. I cannot begin to know what you feel. But others have been there. Ask your parole officer and your counselor for help in finding individuals who have been able to make a successful transition and who would be willing to talk with you and counsel you through a very tough time.

I do know this. A comeback takes time, patience and incremental steps. It takes the capacity to accept responsibility and accountability for the choices that you’ve made in the past and will make in the future. It requires asking forgiveness from those you have, by intention or omission, caused physical pain or emotional suffering. It takes reaching out to those who are strong when you’re weak and tender when you’re hurt. It takes all that, and enough people who are willing to say, “I’ll give you another chance.”

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Yes! You may use this article in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts conducted seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.

Question: What do I need to do in an interview?

Thanks for your calls and emails requesting information about the following topics related to job interviews.

What are the best questions to ask on an interview?

The ones that net the information you need to make a good decision. They’re the probing, open-ended questions that ask how, what, where, when, and why? They find what you ought to know and not always what you want to hear. They’re tough to ask and challenging to answer:

“Describe the employees who have been your most successful; and those who didn’t make it.” “Tell me about the boss’s management style and the people who respond best to it.” “How do you measure success in this company and who does the measuring?”  “Who’s going to tell me how I’m doing and how and when will I find out?”

What are three ruts to avoid while on an interview?

Being too eager, being too aloof, and being too sloppy. Over eager applicants talk too much, try too hard, and keep the spotlight on themselves instead of the positions they seek. They seldom ask questions and turn every question they’re asked into a soapbox for their candidacy.

Under eager applicants call themselves “laid back”. They say too little, slump too much, and generally project an “I could care less” attitude into the proceedings. There are too many “I could care more” candidates out there to take any time on this one.

Too sloppy applicants arrive late, act clueless, and look like yesterday’s lunch. They sit in the wrong chair, call the boss, “pal”, and answer their cell phones in mid interview.

What can you do about age discrimination if you’re in a job market that’s tossing people out who are half your age?

You can’t control an economy that’s firing more people than its hiring; or control an aging process that giveth more wrinkles than it taketh away. You can control how you respond to what’s happening, and like it or not, you’re measured by your reactions to the things you cannot change.  Pay attention to what employers want. They look for employees who are positive and optimistic.

They want problem solvers, not problem makers. They need people who can do more with less, who can streamline, expedite, deal with change and change at will. They need people who know that team players do more than just show up and that respect for diversity is more than a slogan. Being part of this work force is more than looking the part; you have to play the part, every day.

And that’s true if you fifteen or fifty-five.

What are some basics for good salary negotiation?

Knowing the lowest salary you can accept before you set foot in your first interview. That keeps you from taking a job that pays less than you can afford. “But they want me!” won’t pay the rent . “They promised me a big increase in 90 days” won’t put food on the table.

Once you land an interview, defer talk of pay and benefits until you’ve had ample opportunity to understand the challenges the company and your prospective department faces. Match your strengths to their needs, providing appropriate anecdotal examples that describe how you will add value to their business.

What should I emphasize when preparing my resume?

Brevity. Clarity. Truth. A resume is a fact filled summary of your work experience. It’s an outline of duties and responsibilities with an emphasis on significant accomplishments in terms that are quantifiable and measurable.

Organize your resume in reverse chronological order, reaching back 15 years. List those jobs that you held earlier (prior to 1986) without elaborating upon them. Select 24 lb. paper that’s white, off white, or gray; 12 pt. type, in easy to read font. The person screening your resume dedicates about 30 seconds to its review, so edit, then edit some more.

Go heavy on the action verbs (accomplished; established; leveraged) and easy on the adjectives (loyal, trustworthy, hardworking). Keep the emphasis on what you did and how you did it. A resume isn’t an advertisement or a marketing piece; it’s an objective presentation of your work history.

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Yes! You may use this article in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts conducted seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.

Question from a reader: How do I deal with petty complainers?

A reader asks:

Q: I enjoy my work but have no tolerance for petty people and this place is filled with them. They constantly complain about each other. What makes it worse is that the department head seems to buy into whatever is being said so now she’s part of the problem. I try to stay out of it but it’s inescapable. I know I need to find a job somewhere else but why should I give up what I enjoy because of their stupid behavior? Should I try to handle the situation or just give up? 
- D.E.

A: Before you give up on your current situation let’s look at what might be fixable right where you are. In order to do that, examine the challenge and separate the issues. 
You’re working with a bunch of squabblers who are creating more negativity than you can reasonably tolerate.

You try to stay out of it.

Your boss has become part of the problem instead of part of the solution.

You don’t know whether to stay and ignore it or find work somewhere else. 

Squabblers: Most employees who spend more time arguing with each other than getting the job done want the person in charge to take charge. Everyone’s a bit different. Some people need more structure; others less. Some want to know exactly what the boss expects; others want room to maneuver. Some need attention; others want to be left alone. The chaos occurs in the absence of clear leadership: everyone talks about what they want and no one listens and acts on what they’re saying.

You said that your boss “buys into whatever is being said and now she’s part of the problem”. When a boss takes sides, she’s not leading, she’s following. If she doesn’t clarify organizational and departmental goals, roles, and expectations, her employees operate in a vacuum. In that void, they’ll take their frustrations out on each other, with one or several vying for control.

Some people prefer to find fault and place blame when things are going badly. Others want to stay out of the fray, hoping that avoiding it will somehow make it tolerable. Hopefully, more of your colleagues prefer solutions to problems and would like to get back to work.

If you’re one of the latter and are willing to make an honest effort at leading change, there’s a significant role you can play: Listen to the complainers. I realize their gripes sound petty to you but they’re important to the people making them. Listen for themes in the information you hear. Pay attention to what you see. Call a group meeting. Describe your observations, without judgement. Ask for confirmation where you’re on target and clarification when you’re not. Help the group separate the issues that individuals have with each other from the larger issues the group may have with the boss or the company. Ask for a few volunteers (too many can be overwhelming and nonproductive) to present the group’s concerns to the boss.

Then make an appointment with her. Describe the purpose of the meeting, and ask if she’d like to see a written summary of the ideas the group would like to explore with her. Be sure to include suggestions for solutions the group agrees would benefit everyone: the individuals, the department, and the company. Indicate the group’s desire to work with her and each other in making things right for everyone.

Change takes effort, time, and patience. Everyone, including you, who are involved in the process needs to feel convinced that changing behaviors will result in better outcomes.

Should you leave or should you stay? For the near term, if you have the energy and grit, give the group and their solutions a chance to work. If you’ve given it your best shot and nothing changes, it’s time to look for an environment that better matches who you are and what you need.

Good luck. And let us know how it turns out.

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Yes! You may use this article by Executive and Career Coach, Joyce Richman, in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since she started her own practice in 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada andEurope. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.

Questions: The Customer is Always…?

Q: How does a retailer, operating a very legitimate business, protect his/her company from misguided customers who are very clearly inappropriate in their demands and yet threaten all types of exposure and legal measures to get their way? Seems to me that this is a form of extortion… the customer isn’t always right!

A: I asked several local retailers their take on the subject and received a variety of responses from them. Here’s a sampling:

“It’s important that the store establish clear return policies, that all sales associates are aware of those policies and that all customers are treated equally. Management has to have back bone and not roll over when dealing with particularly difficult customers.”

Another storeowner suggests that you “find out what the customer really wants, which can be different from what they first tell you. There’s usually room to negotiate. When there’s not, you have to assess your risk. If what you’ll lose is greater than what you’ll gain, fold.”

A reaction that got my attention was the store manager who said, “if I’ve done all that is reasonable and acceptable and the customer begins to threaten me, I call over a sales associate to witnesses and document the encounter. I ask the customer to review the report and sign it as a fair and accurate representation of what has been said, which I then turn over to our company attorney. When the customer sees that strong-arm tactics don’t intimidate me, he or she usually backs off. We have a loyal following of customers who do repeat business with us, so what I’m describing is a highly unusual occurrence. But when it does happen, we’re ready.”

Here are a few responses that take us in a totally different direction:

“If sales and service associates and their managers were to handle the situation better at the outset it wouldn’t escalate to the point that the store owner would have to enter the fray.”

And this from a sales person: “We follow the rules that we’ve been given and don’t give in to customers whose requests are totally out of line. What typically happens is that the customer gets angry and wants to talk to the manager. The manager comes over and gives in. That makes us look bad in the eyes of the customer. No wonder they pitch a fit; they know some higher up is going to give in to them.”

The majority indicated that there has to be give and take on the part of both the retailer and the customer so that each can feel whole, or at least not harmed, as a result of a difficult exchange.

As anyone who works with the public knows, there are a wide variety of customers to serve.  Most are pleasant, honest people who treat others with respect and want the same in return. Some are not so pleasant or honest, and that’s how it goes. If retail sales and service is the job you’ve signed on to do, it’s up to you to figure out how to deal appropriately with all your customers, not just the ones you like.

In all likelihood, you’ll receive training on the basics of the product you sell. If you need more help, ask for it. It’s less likely you’ll be taught the rules of good customer and quality service. Your boss will probably assume you have the good manners and good sense to relate to all customers in ways that are responsible and appropriate.

You’re paid to determine your customer’s needs, to match your product to that need, and to follow through with service that encourages the customer to buy again and often, and to bring friends with money.

Your effectiveness and success is based upon more than product and pricing knowledge. It’s determined by your ability to connect emotionally and intelligently with the customer. To do it all, takes attention and desire. In other words, you’ve got to care. If you don’t, the consuming public would rather you do something else with your professional life.

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Yes! You may use this article by Executive and Career Coach, Joyce Richman, in your blog, article in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since she started her own practice in 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.

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