When you perseverate on what’s gone wrong in your career, or the choices you’ve made leading up to it, you’ll amplify your mistakes and see yourself as damaged goods, less job-worthy than your job seeking competitors. As a result, you won’t want to interview (why bother?) and if you get an interview, you won’t have the confidence to put yourself out there, to take the leap, and reach for the prize.

Focus on what’s gone right; what’s worked and what works; in you, in what you’ve done, where you’ve been, and what you’ve accomplished along the way. Hone in on where you want to go and what you want to achieve when you get there.  Hang on. You’re in the gap between what’s worked in the past and what can work in the future. To get where you want to go, use positive energy from positive memory based in positive experience as the propellant that launches your search.

If you’re surfacing more negative memories than positive, enlist the support of the people you respect who knew you when, and ask them to describe what they remember about you. When was I at my best? What was I doing? How did I add value?

Please, stay away from negative questions, negative people and the ruminations that take you there. If that sounds naive and your cynical self says you’re kidding yourself; challenge that thinking. Negative self- talk is a deal-breaker. It holds you back. It second-guesses your ideas. It says no when the answer should be yes.

I can write a column that lists all the things you ought not do and catalogues all the errors you should not make, and there will be value in that if your style is to leap before you look and soar before you have wings. Today’s column is about potential and accessing the self you trust from experience. It’s about suspending doubt; looking for possibility; tapping into the insight of others who have consistently demonstrated their capacity to believe in the best of what you have to offer.

You are not a problem to be solved, you are someone with the ability to solve problems and to have answers; you have the ability to open doors to opportunities because you’ve done it in the past. You can do it again.

When you tap into positive memory you find come from behind stories; grit and determination stories; ideas into action stories that make a difference to prospective employers. When you tell true stories your listeners become involved in them, in the challenges you confronted, and the part you played in finding solutions to them.

When you tell your stories you give employers a way to connect with your strengths and learn how you can meet their needs. With your honesty you encourage their candor, describing their company’s success stories as well as the business challenges and obstacles they must overcome. You look at the picture, the pieces and the puzzle together and decide where you add value and how you derive benefit.

When you come to the edge of all you know and are about to step off in the darkness of the unknown, two things will happen: there will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.Author unknown.

No wonder you’re confused, you’re all options and no answers. Let’s sort through the possibilities one at a time.

Include an objective. It’s the lead story on your resume. It states the name of the job you seek. You don’t need to include a summary. It’s redundant: your resume is a summary.

Don’t attach a list of references to your resume. If you’re asked to provide references, immediately comply, and just as quickly, call your references with a heads-up description of the job you’re seeking, the name of the company, and the person likely to call.

About those references who just happen to be “prominent people”: Include them if you have reported directly to them, they valued your work, and they agreed to serve as references for you. Employers are interested in your skill sets and strengths; what you’ve accomplished that is relevant to what they need you to do for them. Your most effective references are those best suited to realistically describe your abilities: when, where, and under what circumstances you’ve been successful. Your least effective references are those who don’t have first hand knowledge of your abilities but support your candidacy as a personal or professional favor. Before providing names, be sure you have your references’ permission; be sure they fully understand the job you seek and are supportive of your ability to get it done.

When writing a resume, should you include all your years or your best years? Like them or not, highlight the last fifteen years of your work experience, focus on your most recent responsibilities and bullet point and quantify your accomplishments. No matter how memorable your earlier achievements, they’re history to a prospective employer. State them but don’t elaborate upon them.

“Should my objective be specific or general? And which resume format is better, the reverse chronological or the functional?”

Be specific when responding to a posting or want ad and be sure that your experience and your accomplishments warrant your application.

There are three types of resumes: Chronological, Functional, and Targeted. Chronological resumes begin with your most recent work history, and in reverse order highlight up to fifteen years of work experience. Functional resumes focus on skills and strengths rather than chronology. Targeted resumes are customized and highlight specific experiences relevant to the job to which you are applying. Employers prefer targeted/reverse chronological resumes because they clearly present what you’ve done, when you’ve done it and how successful you were at it.

“Should I follow up with employers after I’ve forwarded my resume or wait to hear from them? Should I follow up with employers after I’ve interviewed or wait to hear from them? And what should I say?”

If employers have requested your resume it’s appropriate to call and confirm they have received it; to ask if they need additional information and to answer any preliminary questions they may have of you.

It is appropriate to follow an interview with a call thanking employers for the opportunity to meet, to reinforce your interest in the job, and to ask if there are any additional questions they have of you or information they need from you. One good follow up call and you’re a strategist. More than one and you’re a nuisance.

Mister Fixer: You may be their manager but they think of you as the company handyman. You encourage them to come to you with their problems because you can fix anything. You wear your tool belt to work, at home, and in public gatherings. No matter the situation, you have the solution. What can go wrong? It’s not much fun when your co-workers, friends, and neighbors start handing all their work to you, assuming you want to do it for them. They’ll stop shirking responsibility when you stop inviting them to.

You’re everyone’s shrink. You’re the warmest, most comforting listener in the business. Your eyes mist over as you hear your employees’ woes and worries, hopes and desires. You really, really, really want to be there for them. What can go wrong? You can’t get a lick of work done for all that listening. If the situation isn’t an emergency, and it seldom is, defer the conversation to a more suitable time. And don’t be surprised or disappointed when that needy employee finds someone else to talk to.

You can’t say, “No” You have an endless capacity to do for others. You also have an endless need to be approved by others. Instead of saying “no” when your plate’s spilling over, you’re answering with the emotional equivalent of “pile it on, I’ll get a bigger platter.” What can go wrong? You get buried in other people’s projects and you’re still at work long after they’ve gone home. Get a life! You’ll be more productive and so will they.

You don’t ask questions. You figure that if you keep your eyes open and your mouth shut no one will know what you don’t know and you’ll keep your job. What can go wrong? Employers want employees who speak up and let them know when there’s trouble afoot. Be bold, step out of your shadow, ask questions, get answers, and be a visible, audible, stand up member of your team.

You can’t be bothered. You’re busy doing your job and you can’t be bothered with other people’s problems. What can go wrong? This one has “blindside” written all over it. Take time, every day, to find out what’s going on around you so you’ll know if you need to be part of the solution, instead of part of the problem.

“I’m smarter than you are”. You have a habit of letting everyone know you’re the smartest person in the room. What can go wrong? No one cares if you’re smart when you make everyone else feel dumb.  Since the whole is greater than the sum of its parts, and you’re just one of the parts, learn how to bring out the best parts in others.

“I didn’t know it was due today and I don’t know how to do it so will you do it for me?” You’ve turned helpless irresponsibility into a virtue only you value. What can go wrong? Your future. If you don’t know how to do something, find out, learn how, practice it, and teach it to someone else. If you’re the last one to discover what everyone else knows, meet with your boss, talk with your co-workers; ask questions, confirm assumptions, and share ideas.

“That’s not my job.” This is my job. That’s your job. Don’t touch my job with your job ‘cause you’ll mess up my job. I get paid to do my job. I don’t get paid to do your job. What is your job? Don’t tell me, I don’t want to know. What can go wrong? What part of TEAM don’t you understand?

Skip a step and you’re back to square one so you’ll want to get it right from the start.

Think like a visionary: if you don’t know where you’re going, you won’t know how to get there. Expand your thinking beyond the next job and the next paycheck. Imagine yourself in a place and with people who fulfill your intrinsic values doing work that meets your extrinsic needs.

Plan like a strategist: Once you know where you want to be and what you want to accomplish, develop a strategy that takes you there. Identify the life-skills and job skills you’ll need to acquire that will meet the expectations of future employers.

Operate like a tactician: Connect the dots and make the plan. Outline and organize your short- term objectives that combined will satisfy your long- term goals. Identify the gaps in your formal and informal education, on the job training, technology training, and cross- functional training.  Decide and commit to what you’ll need to fill those gaps and what you’ll do to make that happen.

If you want to advance you need to lead courageously, challenge considerately, be out front and upfront about what you think and actions you’re willing to take. If you want to change companies or industries from those that are receding to those that are achieving, decide which they are, what to do, and when to do it. Once your plans are in place you’ll be ready to put together your promotional materials.

Write like an advertiser: Start with your cover letter.  Make your feature/benefit case as compelling as it is convincing. Here’s what I do and how my strengths and experience can add significant value; here’s how I will drive your top line (or protect your bottom line or streamline, expedite, lead or manage) in a way that takes you where you want to go. Be as confident as you are courageous. Draw on past experience, apply it forward, and demonstrate how you can create benefit for them.

Research and revise like an editor: Create a resume that gives evidence you’ve done what your cover letter says you can do. Jump- start it with an objective that reads like a headline: this is what I want to deliver for you. List your positions in reverse chronological order. Highlight your experience with bullet point accomplishments and in two pages or less, write a document that’s succinct, easy to read, in 12 point type, with wide clean margins. Use action verbs to tee up each applicable, valid, quantifiable, reliable piece of information you include.

Persuade like a salesperson, operate like a distributor, and follow-through for all you’re worth: Network to get in front of the people you need to know who will connect you to the people you want to meet. Go face to face to get your name, your brand, and your message to the individuals who lead and manage businesses you want to join and can benefit most. When you get a lead, qualify it, follow up on it, follow through on it until you understand what the employer needs and can clearly and effectively communicate how you can deliver a product, process, system, or service that gets the company closer to where it wants to go.

She dislikes being invisible even as she stands in the shadows. She wants more pay and promotions yet is satisfied with a no-risk job in a low risk setting because it allows her to “not have to do any more than I want to.”

Her self-perception is that she’s a strong contributor who adds value. Others experience her as doing as little as possible and getting by as best she can. They see no reason for her to advance or to pay her more to do what is seen as average effort. They are willing to continue her employment because she doesn’t cause problems and doesn’t generate complaints.

Why bother to tell the story? Because she, like many others, are at the cusp of being shocked by a rude awakening. Being average, middling, run of the mill, is not going to be good enough. There are too many employees and soon-to-be’s who are willing and wanting to do more and learn more, challenge and be challenged, and they’re elbowing out change-resisting sub-par performers who will have difficulty finding other jobs that pay as well, benefits that do as much, and employers as willing to pay for yesterday’s performance on today’s jobs.

She says that all she wants is that “people miss me when I’m away, smile when I return, and say ‘thank you’ at the end of the day.” She wants to know “is that asking too much?”

It’s not asking too much unless she’s asking that the workplace replace the security of family, co-workers provide the intimacy of friendship, and courtesy continue as the coin of the realm. She may be disappointed about the first two. The third, courtesy, should be an expectation that continues to be extended and met, consistently, and over time, by everyone, no matter the job, the workplace, or the employer.

She asks for employers who will “tell me what to do, tell me I’m doing it well, and tell me I’m appreciated for it.”

Today’s employers need to set specific expectations, offer specialized training, provide semi-annual performance reviews and give just in time feedback. These employers also need to step back and allow the employee time to demonstrate competency in order to objectively determine if the employee is progressing, developing, and readying him or herself for this and the next opportunity.

Employees need to ask for and be open to feedback. They need to challenge themselves to do more than just enough; to learn more than what’s adequate; and to develop in areas that will be strategic assets not just tactical improvements.

Employees who want pay increases demonstrate their ability to add value. Employees who want promotions demonstrate their ability and desire to manage calculated risks, lead change, and accept accountability for the results.

As difficult as it may be to hear, “What have you done for me lately? ” is the mantra of most employers. What you did yesterday, last week, or last year, is history. What you can do for me today, tomorrow, and six months from now is the currency that’s in demand.

Nice is good. Nice people fit in. Nice people achieve and advance when they combine their good will, respectful responses, and team-oriented behaviors with tactical know-how, strategic insights, and action- to- goal focus that results in wins for the company and for all stakeholders invested in the outcome.

It may be a dumb thing to do. Before you get all riled up at my response, I didn’t say you’re dumb. I’m just repeating what you said to me. Here’s what else I heard you say: You give considerably more than you get. You’re tired of waiting for acknowledgment and you want to leave. You’re so frustrated you’ll take the leap without knowing where you’ll land and you’ve made that clear to a number of people. Did I get all that right?

“That sounds stronger than I meant it to be. I’m not really leaving. I’m just thinking about it. “

And you’ve told many people how you feel?

“Maybe a few. Or more. But I don’t think they take me seriously. At least I hope not! I’ve been talking like this for a long time but I’ve never done anything about it.”

What have you told them you want from your company?
“I want to be taken seriously. I want my boss to say I make a difference and I’m worth more than he pays me. I’m tired of being invisible.”

What will you do to become more visible and taken more seriously at another company? How will you ensure that you are appropriately valued and compensated?

“I don’t know. I haven’t thought about it. I just know it’s not happening here. I get minimal increases and no promotions. I’ve been here a long time. I’m reporting to people I’ve trained. People with half my experience are getting paid twice as much as I am. I’m being taken advantage of and everyone here knows it. They even ask me why I stay.”

What do you say?

“ I don’t know. Maybe I’m comfortable and I’ve been here a long time and the people are nice. Maybe it’s because I know my job, I can work from home if I need to and I don’t have to do more than I want to.

You just described why you stay; yet you want to leave. Why don’t you?

“I don’t want to start over. I don’t want to compete with younger people and sharp elbows, I don’t want managers who want to advance more than they want to fit in, managers who put pressure on employees to do things differently even though we’re comfortable doing it the old way.

I want someone to tell me what to do, tell me I’m doing it well, and tell me I’m appreciated. Then I want them leave me alone to get my job done. That’s all I want.”

What do you want to be appreciated for having done?

“I don’t cause problems and I don’t waste time. I don’t ask others to do my job for me and I’m not out for myself. I don’t gossip, I don’t use bad language, I don’t speak harshly about my co-workers to their face or behind their backs.”

It sounds like you’re a nice person doing an average job in an average way. You want to feel like you belong and you have a future with your company. Do you deserve that raise and do you want that promotion?

“It would be nice. But I don’t want that promotion…too much responsibility. I just want people to miss me when I’m gone, smile when I ‘m back and say thank you. Is that asking too much?”

That’s a good question. Let’s talk more about it next week…

Research works. Going on line, reviewing web sites, learning content, outlining questions, works. Reading business news and trade papers, learning who’s expanding and consolidating, hiring and firing, competing and winning or falling behind are essential need-to know because research works.

Practice works. Field questions from anyone willing to help. Answer questions that come out of left field. Answer out loud, from your head and your gut, and tell a truth that’s as succinct as it is straightforward. Ask questions because there’s more to learn than what you know; find out what it is. You’re the expert of what you do best; they’re expert on what they need most. Tell your story and ask about theirs.

Positive attitudes work. Enlist the support of friends and family who are as positive about your abilities as they are optimistic about your future. Volunteer where you believe in the value of what you do and your ability to make a difference. Socialize with people who have an abundance mentality that builds others up and believe that it’s possible to succeed.

Healthy minds and bodies work. Exercise. Eat what’s good for you; drink what nourishes you; learn what expands you; and teach what invigorates you.

Focus works: Clear your mind, your desk, and your life of minor distractions, clutter, and static, and find true north by identifying what it is you like to do and do well. Then keep doing it.

Align what you think with how you act. Think positively and your body language will go along for the ride: Smile, initiate, invite, include, encourage and enable the best in others by looking and acting like you mean it.

Align what you say with what you think. Remember the carpenter’s rule and measure twice, cut once. Figure out what you want to say before you say it. If you believe you can do a job, because you have in the past, you like doing it, and you do it well, say so. If you believe that you can do more than you have in the past, say so, and say what that means for the employer willing to hire you.

Networking works. Get out there and talk to people about your job search. Tell them what you’re looking for and be specific. Talk about how you can make a difference for the company that hires you, and be specific. Go to leads meetings, job search networking meetings, Chamber meetings, Merchants Association meetings, and after work networking meetings. When your networking is focused and intentional, it works and so will you.

A focused resume works. A good resume begins with an objective that clearly states the job you want and follows with a reverse chronological outline of fact based, quantifiable, historical information that supports your objective. A good resume offers evidence of your competence in succinct and well chosen words that demonstrate you can do the job you seek and you can do it very, very well.

Good references work. Contact people you’ve worked for and describe the specific job you want. Ask for their perspective on the direction you’re taking. If they’re in full agreement, positive, and enthusiastic, sign them up. They’ll be good references and strong links in your job search network. On the flip side, if they’re non-committal or hesitant in their responses, probe to learn why. They may see something you’re missing or miss something you’re saying. Take note and adjust accordingly. If you have to step back and reassess, do it. Focus on what works.

“She’s the best boss I’ve had because she’s as open-minded as she is clear about expectations. I always know where I stand with her because she’s willing to tell me the truth in ways that I understand. She’s never hurtful, always constructive, and trusts my ability to learn and grow on the job.”

“He’s the best manager I’ve had because he keeps us informed and encourages us to do the same with him. We don’t have to be concerned about personal agendas or blindsiding when working with him; it’s always about what’s best for the organization, and because of that, we get on board quickly when transitioning through change.”

“She’s one of the best leaders I’ve had the pleasure to follow. Change is the name of the game here, and we know that whatever direction we head, she’ll be focused on the end-in-mind. Because of that, and her sure-footedness, we’re lined up with her.”

“He’s a great supervisor. He knows what he knows and as importantly, he knows what he doesn’t know, and empowers those of us with complementary capacities to step up, close the gap, and work together to move us toward successful outcomes.”

“He’s really a youngster when compared to the rest of us on his work team, but he can teach us old war-horses a thing or two when it comes to optimism, energy, and a can-do attitude. He’s a great team builder, respectful of the intelligence and wisdom of his seniors and at the same time able to motivate us to achieve more than we have or thought ourselves capable. He makes us feel hopeful about the future. I wish he were my grandson, that’s how proud I am of him.”

“She’s a natural leader. She’s honest and respectful; she can see the big picture and at the same time can help us to see what it takes to achieve it. She knows when to be hands on and when to be hand-off. She understands what the people around her need to get their jobs done and she provides it. Sometimes that translates to getting us the physical and financial resources we need. Other times it’s encouragement and a well placed kick in the derriere. Whatever the situation, she’s pitch perfect in her delivery. “

“Sometimes the best leaders are the most humble. Our manager is one of those. He’s understated in his manner yet so clear in his commitment to excellence and in his belief in our ability to perform at the highest levels of excellence, that he motivates us to consistently give our best.”

“We’re going through enormous change in our organization and as we all know, change can create stress. I won’t kid you, we’re stressed here, but we’re able to keep it together because of our boss. She’s capable, calm, and considerate and because of that, we’re able to behave in ways that emulate her spirit. I’ve worked in other businesses where change equated to high turnover. Not here. Thanks in large part to our boss’s sure and steady hand.”

“I don’t know if you’d call our supervisor a leader or a top notch manager. I just know I’d always want to have him next to me in a fire-fight. I’ve never seen anyone as able to quickly anticipate what’s required and quickly respond with resources that meet the need. He’s a great trouble shooter, knows which fires are apt to turn into conflagrations and which will burn out on their own accord. He makes change exciting and preventive maintenance a talent worth rewarding.”

A: You’re not the only one who questions the notion of sending thank you letters to prospective employers, so this is a good opportunity to reframe the issue. The purpose of the letter is to move the interview process forward. Open with a “thank you for seeing me this past Wednesday afternoon to discuss my candidacy for your open position in materials management” then move on to the intention of the letter, which is to emphasize your ability to do the job and your desire to work for their company. Close with a “looking forward to our next conversation”; sign, seal, stamp it, and you’re done. That wasn’t so bad, was it?

Q: I’ve sent out hundreds of resumes and cover letters and haven’t received a single response. I’m an English major, confident about my writing style and have been told I write very well. I’ll send you samples and hope you’ll tell me what I’m doing wrong.

A: I read your samples and yes, you do write well. The problem isn’t with your style, spelling, or sentence structure. It’s with your lack of specificity. Your resume and cover letter highlight variety and breadth, not specificity or depth. Your objective indicates what you want instead of what you can do. Resumes that hit the mark begin with, and focus on, a clear objective: what you can do for the company that hires you. They outline job experiences and accomplishments that prove the point: clearly stated, quantifiable ways you’ve benefited past employers by driving top line or protecting bottom line.

Q: A friend of mine suggests that my habit of “eye rolling” might explain why I’m never called back for second interviews or made job offers. I know I do it when I hear things I think are absurd, but I’ve never considered that I could be doing it on job interviews. Now I wonder if I can stop myself. Any ideas?

A: I’d start by asking friends for more real-time feedback, so you can identify the stimuli that cause your responses, and work hard to eliminate them. If you’re concerned that eye rolls, grimaces, shrugs, and sighs of exasperation might escape your attention but not that of an interviewer, pay attention to your internal response to the conversation. If the person says something with which you disagree or take issue, probe for better understanding and probe respectfully. Here are examples of safe yet honest replies: “I’m surprised by what you just said, tell me more…” Or “I’m interested in your comments, tell me more”; “Your reaction surprises me… tell me more.” “I’d like to hear more about why you say that, so please, tell me more.”

Q: Company A has made me an offer. I’m also interviewing with Company B. I would rather work for B. How can I keep my options open and not kill my chances with both companies?

A: When employers make an offer they want an answer, and at minimum they want to know when they will get one. Therefore, thank Company A for the offer; indicate that you’re very interested; and promise they’ll have your answer in 72 hours. Call Company B; tell them you have been made an offer and that you have 48 hours to respond. Ask them what choice they would make, were they in your shoes and knowing what they know about your chances with their company. If they tell you to accept the offer in hand, you have your answer.

An interview that works is memorable. It is complexity simplified; a conversation between equals that is grounded by unexpected clarity and purpose. It’s concrete; the speaker succinctly describing a learning experience in definable, quantifiable ways.

Simply told stories from experience evoke emotion, combine credibility with integrity and tell the truth about making a difference. They are straightforward, easily understood and easily remembered.

The employers’ predictable question, “Tell me about yourself”, invites the applicant to tell a story. Employers want to know what it is about you, what you do and how you do it, that can add value to what they need and why they need it. They want to know how you think and what motivates you to behave as you do. Your values are the underpinning of your actions and drive your behavior. Your behavior is the structure of your story. Have the courage, the insight, and the self- awareness to tell it.

As a career coach I’ve worked with people who want to find jobs, leave jobs, keep jobs, and change jobs. Those who find their way with the fewest energy draining detours are those who are open to possibility: possibility that there is more instead of less, that mistakes are opportunities to learn; that learning opportunities can be painful but the pain is time limited and the wisdom that’s accrued is worth the effort it takes to get there.

Those who succeed in what they do are satisfied with who they are yet want to be more than they have been. They are, among other things, curious. They ask themselves and others, “why?” Not just to challenge assumptions but to explore their world and expand their minds; to find answers, discover problems, and find answers to solve them. They want to learn because they know that it is there, attainable, and they want to understand it, learn from it, and grow from it.

Those who struggle, consistently struggle in their careers see life as a series of contests to be lost, closed doors and shuttered opportunities. Their world is limited by their view of it; rules, regulations, and policies that define not what they can, but what they cannot, dare not, do. They have adopted a scarcity mentality and communicate its negative philosophy at work, at home, and in the interviewer’s office. Their story is one of endings with no beginnings; a story the interviewer would rather forget than remember.

Interviewers don’t want to hear stories of can’t, won’t, don’t, he did it to me and she made me do it. They don’t want testimony from the helpless and hopeless. They don’t want to hire followers unless they’re willing to learn how to manage and lead others.

They want to know that potential employees trust and are trustworthy. That potential employees believe development is what enables and empowers others to achieve, that it benefits those with whom they work, who work for them, the customers they serve and the employer who invests in each employee with each pay- check and each opportunity.

They want you to tell them your story, your way, so they can remember it and tell others that you’re the one who can make a difference because you can, because you want to, because you’ve done it before and you want to do it again. For them.