Q: I enjoy my work but have no tolerance for petty people and this place is filled with them. They constantly complain about each other. What makes it worse is that the department head seems to buy into whatever is being said so now she’s part of the problem. I try to stay out of it but it’s inescapable. I know I need to find a job somewhere else but why should I give up what I enjoy because of their stupid behavior? Should I try to handle the situation or just give up? 
- D.E.

A: Before you give up on your current situation let’s look at what might be fixable right where you are. In order to do that, examine the challenge and separate the issues. 
You’re working with a bunch of squabblers who are creating more negativity than you can reasonably tolerate.

You try to stay out of it.

Your boss has become part of the problem instead of part of the solution.

You don’t know whether to stay and ignore it or find work somewhere else. 

Squabblers: Most employees who spend more time arguing with each other than getting the job done want the person in charge to take charge. Everyone’s a bit different. Some people need more structure; others less. Some want to know exactly what the boss expects; others want room to maneuver. Some need attention; others want to be left alone. The chaos occurs in the absence of clear leadership: everyone talks about what they want and no one listens and acts on what they’re saying.

You said that your boss “buys into whatever is being said and now she’s part of the problem”. When a boss takes sides, she’s not leading, she’s following. If she doesn’t clarify organizational and departmental goals, roles, and expectations, her employees operate in a vacuum. In that void, they’ll take their frustrations out on each other, with one or several vying for control.

Some people prefer to find fault and place blame when things are going badly. Others want to stay out of the fray, hoping that avoiding it will somehow make it tolerable. Hopefully, more of your colleagues prefer solutions to problems and would like to get back to work.

If you’re one of the latter and are willing to make an honest effort at leading change, there’s a significant role you can play: Listen to the complainers. I realize their gripes sound petty to you but they’re important to the people making them. Listen for themes in the information you hear. Pay attention to what you see. Call a group meeting. Describe your observations, without judgement. Ask for confirmation where you’re on target and clarification when you’re not. Help the group separate the issues that individuals have with each other from the larger issues the group may have with the boss or the company. Ask for a few volunteers (too many can be overwhelming and nonproductive) to present the group’s concerns to the boss.

Then make an appointment with her. Describe the purpose of the meeting, and ask if she’d like to see a written summary of the ideas the group would like to explore with her. Be sure to include suggestions for solutions the group agrees would benefit everyone: the individuals, the department, and the company. Indicate the group’s desire to work with her and each other in making things right for everyone.

Change takes effort, time, and patience. Everyone, including you, who are involved in the process needs to feel convinced that changing behaviors will result in better outcomes.

Should you leave or should you stay? For the near term, if you have the energy and grit, give the group and their solutions a chance to work. If you’ve given it your best shot and nothing changes, it’s time to look for an environment that better matches who you are and what you need.

Good luck. And let us know how it turns out.

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Yes! You may use this article by Executive and Career Coach, Joyce Richman, in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since she started her own practice in 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada andEurope. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.

A recent reprint of an archived Ann Landers column from 2000 is just as relevant today as it was when it was first printed. It was practically on fire with letters from customers who were fed up with the attitude of retail clerks.

I was struck by the irony of what these letter writers were saying:

“If you don’t like people and consider them an interruption or a nuisance, go find another job.”

“Within driving distance of your store, there are five stores that carry the same items. If I am treated well, I’ll be back to see you. If you want me to come back, you will thank me for coming in and make me feel welcome.”

What’s the irony? The words they chose are almost identical to those I hear unhappy retail associates use to describe their bosses:

“If they don’t like to manage employees, and consider them an interruption or a nuisance, they shouldn’t be doing that job.”

“If they’d treat me well, if they made me feel welcome, and showed a little appreciation once in a while I’d want to work for them.”

And then there are the customers. Most are likeable and agreeable, just like most managers and associates, while others are ready to do battle over just about anything.

Some customers are somewhere in the middle. They just want to make a purchase and go home, unscathed from the experience.

Suit up, kids, we’re going shopping. Fly cover for me when I go into the department store and I’ll protect you on the ground at the toy store.

Yes, we know. People are stressed out and sleep deprived and that’s why they’re irritable. But is that reason enough to justify incivility or are they just excuses for uncivilized behavior?

Rude bosses, customers, and employees are so busy jabbing fingers at each other, someone’s bound to get stuck in the eye. Each group is competing for “most ugly” and it’s a toss up as to who’s going to win.

Before we rush to judgment, let’s put this into perspective. The Pareto Principle states that A small number of causes is responsible for a large percentage of the effect… usually a 20 percent to 80 percent ratio.

With that in mind, let’s address 20% of the managers who are creating 80% of this mess.

Managers: Some people are relationship managers, and others are not. It sounds like you’re part of the “not” population. You can learn how to do it right but it takes more than one training class and reading one book. It takes a commitment to doing the right thing for people, every day.

If you don’t have the energy or desire to manage with courtesy and consideration, please stand down.

Sales associates: Same song. Second verse. You’re in the relationship business, not the jewelry, men’s wear, or grocery selling business. If you take the time to understand your products and meet the needs of your customers, in a respectful manner that encourages them to return to do business with you and your company, you’ve done your job. If you don’t and you won’t, you’re in the wrong line of work. Your negative attitude shows and its generating much of the negative response you’re getting.

Customers: No matter the size of your purchasing power, that power alone does not justify your rude or arrogant behavior. No matter the rush you are in or your position in the community, the office, or your home, it doesn’t justify your push to the front or brusqueness from the rear.

Twenty percent. That’s all it takes to create chaos and hostility among the eighty percent on the receiving end of your bluster.

Eighty percent. Good for you. As managers, associates, and customers you do us proud. Keep it up and encourage the rest to step up or step out of line. All that shoving and poking is giving the rest of us a collective black eye.

* * * *

Yes! You may use this article by Executive and Career Coach, Joyce Richman, in your blog, article in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since she started her own practice in 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.

A recent letter writer suggested that employees, the newly hired and the barely there,  would benefit from understanding that employers have some very basic expectations of them.

I heartily agree.

In fact, here’s one boss’s secret copy of Here’s What I Didn’t Tell You Because I Thought You Knew.

• This place is called “Work”
• Get to work earlier than on time (and that’s based on my watch, not yours).
• Get to work earlier than on time every day (based on my calendar, not yours.)
• Get to work prepared to do our work (which doesn’t include doing your personal bookkeeping; shopping; and arranging of your social calendar).
• Make and receive personal telephone calls at a place not called “Work”.
• If you’re the first one out the door at the end of the day, you’re leaving here too early. If  you’re the second one out the door, you’re still leaving too early. If you keep it up, don’t let the door hit you on your way out.
• Wear clean, closely woven, free of slogan clothing not so baggy as to hide large animals nor so brief as to reveal more than any of us need to know about you.
• Do the job I hired you to do.
• Leave people alone to do the jobs I hired them to do.
• If you take something, put it back (here, not where you live).
• If you ask for something, say please.
• If you are lucky enough to get it, say thank you.
• If you make a mess, clean it up.
• If you make a mistake, take care of it.
• I’ll give you a raise if you follow through, follow the rules, follow me and you’ll get it  when I say so.
• I’ll give you a promotion  if  you do everything on this list,  get along with everybody especially me and you’ll get it  when I say so.

This couldn’t be your boss? Well, check out another boss’s misplaced version of Here’s What I Didn’t Tell You Because I Thought You Knew.

• I don’t care what time you get here or what time you leave, just get the job done, on time and accurately.
• The job has more to it than I told you, because I forgot to tell you at the time.  So watch out, I’m going to critique you for what you didn’t do because I didn’t tell you. And, don’t go there. I’m not going to change.
• Anticipate. That’s what I want from you. Think ahead. Anything that can go wrong will go wrong unless you have a plan to make it right.
• Come to me with solutions. I’m not paying you for problems. I get them for free.
• I’m not going to say you’re doing a good job. I expect you to do a good job.
• I’ll tell you when you’re doing a bad job. I’ll only tell you once. So listen.
• Don’t ask me for pay increases or promotions. You’ll just put me in a bad mood. I’ll give you what I think you deserve. Just get the job done.
• I am moody. It doesn’t (usually) have anything to do with you. Don’t worry about it. I worry enough for both of us.

I haven’t tagged your boss yet? Well, I rummaged around and guess what I found. Yet another undisclosed version of Here’s What I Didn’t Tell You Because I Thought You Knew.

• Play nice.
• If you have a problem with someone, talk to them about it. I don’t want to know.
• If you have a problem with me, talk to someone else about it. I don’t want to know.
• You may have guessed by now, I don’t like problems.
• So, please, play nice.

The bottom line is this: There are as many expectations of employees as there are different managing and leadership styles. You don’t get to choose. You work with what you get. If you are equal parts observant, clairvoyant, savvy and responsive to the culture where you work and have as much substance as you have style, you’re going to make it.

* * * *

Yes! You may use this article by Executive and Career Coach, Joyce Richman, in your blog, article in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since she started her own practice in 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.

#2 – I applied for a job and wasn’t allowed to interview because I didn’t have a resume. I said I could talk about what I had done better than I could write about it. The employer said they had rules and one of them was that they needed a resume in advance of an interview, to determine if they wanted to go forward. I told him I was worth their time, and they should trust me on that. He said they’d take a pass. I showed up anyhow. He wouldn’t see me. That’s rude.

#3 – The interviewer had some nerve! Sure I had gaps in my resume. Sure I’ve lost a lot of jobs and quit a bunch of others. But the nerve of her to point that out like it was something I could control. Isn’t that against the law? Who can I report her to?

#4 – Can an interviewer tell me to leave because I’m smoking? All I needed was a couple of puffs to settle my nerves. The interviewer told me it was a “smoke free environment” which means they discriminate against smokers, and I told him so. That’s when he told me to leave. I said that I wasn’t going until I had my interview. He said there wasn’t going to be an interview. If that’s not illegal, I don’t know what is.

#5 – We interviewers know each other because we belong to the same organizations. It’s not uncommon for us to swap “war stories” about applicants whose behavior is outrageous enough to be memorable. When applicants are interviewing with one of us they’d do well to imagine themselves interviewing with all of us.

#6 – Some applicants like to ‘make friends’ with receptionists hoping we’ll put in a good word for them. What they don’t seem to understand is that we can, and do, put in a bad word as well. Our loyalties are to our employers, not to inconsiderate, clueless applicants who talk loudly and incessantly on their cell phones, who litter the reception area with food containers and soda cans, and stroll around like they own the place.

#7 – I conduct interviews in a small, poorly ventilated office. It‘s hard for me to breathe when applicants wear strong perfumes or have strong body odor. As a result, I have to conclude our conversations very quickly.

* * * *

Yes! You may use this article by Executive and Career Coach, Joyce Richman, in your blog, article in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since she started her own practice in 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.

Warning to Workaholics on Vacation

No beach is warm enough, no pool deep enough, no book long enough to keep you from the next call, the next report, the next conquest.

No companion is fun enough, no escapade strange enough, no catacomb deep enough, to keep you from the next deal and the next plane that gets you to where the heat is hot enough, the mountain high enough, the trial tribulation enough, to make it worth the time that it takes to get there.

Warning to Vacationers at Work

No challenge is great enough, no boss loud enough, no report timely enough, to look up, look out, and get it done, for any reason greater than your colleagues are depending on it.

No boss is strong enough, no rhyme reason enough, no siren shrill enough to polish it off, finish it up, and put it away, for any reason greater than your customers are waiting for it.

Warning to Teams without Players

No goal is clear enough, no value grand enough, no cause worthy enough to get together, pull together, and get it done together, for any reason greater than that’s the way this game is played.

No reason is valid enough, no need compelling enough, no cause desiring enough, to get it done, outside the isolation and comfort of your mind,  for any reason greater than they need you to be there.

Warning to Players without Teams

No group is large enough, no talk complete enough, no break long enough to get you back to work, getting it done, for any reason greater than you’re bothering folks.

No quiet is safe enough, no space sane enough, no reflection revered enough, to keep you from using your cascade of words, just because they are there to be spoken.

Warning to Visionaries without Plans

No scape is grand enough, no leap long enough, no star far enough to keep you from unleashing your insight on those least capable of hitching it all to a wagon, and driving to get it all there.

No path is clear enough, no strategy sharp enough, no objection judicious enough to keep you from derailing the good that you started with your dreams.

Warning to Doers without Vision

There is no time good enough, no turn safe enough, no prediction right enough to leave behind your need to be absolutely sure before the journey is begun.

There is no path straight enough, no rule right enough, no detail plain enough to abandon your need to know from getting in your way.

Warning to Leaders without  Followers

There is no command strong enough, no control tight enough, no rigor right enough to satisfy your need to be all, have all, regardless that no one follows your lead.

There is no language tough enough, no mandate sure enough, no distance far enough from the people you drive to the place they don’t want to go.

Warning to Followers without Leaders

There is no map clear enough, no need great enough,  no strength strong enough,  to bridge the distance from where you are to where you need to go.

Warning to Leaders without Passion

There is no analysis sound enough, no logic clear enough, no goal defined enough, to merit the movement of people who care, by those who aren’t able to express why they should.

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Yes! You may use this article by Executive and Career Coach, Joyce Richman, in your blog, article in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since she started her own practice in 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.

Frank needs some help and no one here seems to be able to get through to him.

I asked Frank’s boss to describe the problem. His response told me more about what it wasn’t than what it was.
“Frank’s not rude or withdrawn; he’s not outspoken or overbearing. He never gets angry. The guy is very intelligent. He understands how our business works and does what it takes to get his job done. We could let him stay here and rock along, but we’re not going to do that. We’re looking for leaders. Here, it’s up or out. The way he’s going, it’s going to be “out”. He’s a bright guy, so that’s a real waste of  time and talent, for us and for him.”

As directors go,  Frank was young; maybe early thirties. A senior vice president, who felt that his protégé needed to improve his leadership skills, had referred him. 
My initial reaction to Frank was that he just didn’t project much. He answered my questions by saying as little as possible. Whatever the subject, he offered no spark, reaction or comment that revealed his state of mind or sense of  well being.

He did provide an opening when he described positions  he had held when working for a former company.  Those job requirements demanded  skills and abilities 180 degrees from those he was currently using. I asked which roles he preferred and he responded simply “it doesn’t matter.”

“It doesn’t matter?” I pushed back. “How can it not matter?”

“Nothing matters if all you’re trying to do is earn enough money to  retire before your work kills you.”

And that was his bottom line. We just got there faster than I thought we would. Now he started to open up.

Frank had career dexterity. He was competent in whatever position he worked while not excelling in any. Frank had pride in his ability to adapt to the circumstance he faced. His early childhood experiences trained him to keep his head down, get his chores done, and stay out of trouble. Success in his first few jobs continued the pattern: keep your head down, get your job done, and stay out of trouble.

In order to sustain himself, Frank chose one goal worthy of such self restraint: earn enough money to retire early and live whatever life was left.

That worked as long as he was part of a command and control organization. The game changed when he changed companies.

The new rules required that he work through his direct reports, empowering them to do and be more. The new company’s culture was about trust and communication at all levels and to all people. To succeed, Frank would have to put his future and his confidence into the hands of the people that he managed.

As capable as Frank was, nothing had  prepared him for working in an organization that forced you out of the trenches. The lights were on and Frank couldn’t find the dimmer switch.

• Leading others is about more than getting the job done while watching the bottom line.
• Leaders must develop different strengths from those they relied upon earlier in their careers.
• Leaders take calculated risks, learn from their mistakes, and keep going.
• Leaders encourage and empower others to take chances and to learn from the mistakes they are going to make.
• Leaders provide others the training to learn and opportunity to work out the kinks.
• Leaders don’t have all the answers; they just have most of the questions.
• Leaders keep their egos in check  by realizing that their success is sustained and enhanced by the best and the brightest around them.They learn to take care of each other.

Making it, in today’s workplace, is about much more than keeping your head down, working hard, and staying out of trouble. If that’s been your pattern up to now,  heads-up. The future has landed.

* * * *

Yes! You may use this article by Executive and Career Coach, Joyce Richman, in your blog, article in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since she started her own practice in 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.

When Frank joined his company, he had an insatiable hunger to succeed. He knew what to do as soon as he signed on: meet the right people, move up, never over. Twenty  years later, against staggering odds and an even greater body count,  he had succeeded, with a vengeance.

Frank grew up in a mill town and hustled for nickels and dimes as soon as he could walk. He knew what he wanted before he could write his name. Frank was determined to make something of himself and never looked back. He came from working survivors of hard knocks and cold streets, who made ends meet with outside work and back room income.

As soon as Frank was old enough to leave the house,  he was selling something to somebody: newspapers, water filters, gas extenders; you name it, he tried it. He loved the chase, refusals were fodder for his “try harder” mentality. Inevitably, he’d win over his prey with a relentless drive to make it happen. He didn’t find joy in it, or satisfaction. He never would.

Frank became a popular subject for the business press. He was quotable, candid, and made himself  available. When asked, “what drives you?” he’d tell them the glaringly obvious. “If it was there, I wanted it.  And if I wanted it  badly enough, I’d push aside anyone or anything to get it.”

Frank knew how the game was played: do what you have to do; remember who pays your salary, and deal with the fallout  later. His bosses loved him, his raises and promotions proved that. His peers and direct reports didn’t love him, didn’t like him, and didn’t trust him. In the end, they made their point, and won. Bosses don’t fire you. Direct reports do.

Frank was a survivor who made his name salvaging situations no one else would touch. This time he had to salvage his career. He wasn’t going to leave without putting up a fight.

Frank’s boss had called me, asking if I would pound some sense into him. Frank was out of  time. He couldn’t turn this mess around;  he was history. Frank needed to learn what went wrong, what didn’t work; what to do differently.

Whether you employ someone like Frank or feel that this story could be about you,  pay attention to these fix it now suggestions:

• Watch what you say and who you say it to: If you’re overly aggressive,  you’re probably managing up better than down or over.

• Develop peripheral vision. Make others look good; give credit where it’s due; promote the work of your direct reports; act as a mentor; listen more than you talk.

• Watch your body language: Turning away from others or multi-tasking when they’re talking to you is off-putting at best, and arrogant at worst. Give undivided attention to the speaker, and ask questions to clarify what  you’re hearing, not to justify what you ‘re thinking.

• Watch everyone else: There’s plenty of feedback to be had by watching others watch you. Relationship building and maintaining is key to career success both inside and outside the company.

Who do you trust? People trust trustworthy people. Men and women of integrity are valued in reputable organizations. They have no need to hoard information so that others are overly dependent upon them. They are confident without having to build their self worth off someone else’s errors.

Frank got fired. You may have time to turn your career around, if you work at it. You’re too talented and too old to waste time blaming everyone else for your lapse in judgment.

* * * *

Yes! You may use this article by Executive and Career Coach, Joyce Richman, in your blog, article in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since she started her own practice in 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.

He’s too quiet; you don’t know what he’s thinking.

She won’t shut up; she won’t let you think.

He thinks so much; he doesn’t care.

She cares so much she doesn’t think.

It’s just never good enough, is it?

You’re either too much of this or too little of that and you want to just be left alone to do your job.

I hear you.

I really do hear you. I get calls every day from people who are over the top with the stress they’re feeling at work, at home, or from the news. And they want a break.

So let’s give them one. Give yourselves a break. For one day, let it go. Let go of the finger pointing, head shaking, eye rolling, that only makes it harder on everyone to be creative, productive, and successful. For one day, stop competing against each other and start collaborating with each other.

Instead of finding fault, find something to value. How hard is it, for just one day?

I don’t trust her.

He doesn’t trust me.

We don’t trust them

They don’t trust us.

Give it up. For just one day. Trust somebody. Trust that for this one day no one is trying to do you in, stab you in the back, steal your ideas, or make your life miserable.

For this one day, be okay with yourself and the people you work with. Be okay with your boss and the company that still writes the checks.

Model behavior that builds up and doesn’t tear down.

Talk about what people need to hear before you talk about what you want to say.

Get tough on problems and go easy on people.

Be strong without having to make others weak.

Be right without acting self righteous.

If you made the wrong call, own it, fix it, learn from it, and say so.

Separate the wrong call from being wrong; and the right call and being right.

Separate who you are from what you do.

Let the baggage go. For just one day.

If you’re the boss, get out of your office, find your employees, talk to them, let them talk to you, and listen to what they say. They want you to know how stressed they are, so let them. They want you to say where “next” and “there” is, so tell them. It’s your job to set the tone and the direction. If you don’t have answers to the questions they ask, say so, and answer the questions they haven’t asked but need to know. The want to have the picture and they want a part to play in the solution. Give it to them.

Wherever you work, show up, stand up and step up. Prioritize objectives, focus on what you can control, and take action. Ask questions, find answers, and there aren’t any available, take the lead, put together a plan, and work that plan, because when it comes down to it, you’re the one accountable for your future.

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Yes! You may use this article by Executive and Career Coach, Joyce Richman, in your blog, article in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since she started her own practice in 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.

“The retirement column you wrote was definitely about men. Women retire too. Why aren’t  you writing about us?”

I didn’t have an answer and realized that I was uncharacteristically without words, which is probably why I hadn’t written any. So I’ve done some asking, and thinking, and asking some more. Here’s some of  what I’ve discovered. I hope you’ll fill me in on the rest:

Pre and post retirement women tell me they are seldom asked, “how are you handling retirement?” because most assume that they are continuing with what they did before their careers joined hands with the rest of their lives. They’re still working.

Most women with or without children or parents or husbands or lovers aren’t asked what they will do when they retire because they don’t.

If women don’t really retire, when do they get to rest, travel, surf the net, and in general, play hooky?

If they want to take time off, they’ll have to give notice, especially to those who have counted on them most and longest:

This is your mother speaking. I  have retired. I no longer work for fee or free. I can still cook, clean, mend, and on occasion, baby sit. But now I do it when I want to and if it is convenient. That doesn’t mean I don’t love you, it means that I’m doing something for me.             

This is your daughter speaking. I have retired.  I may not be here when you call. That doesn’t mean that I won’t take you shopping or to the doctor, or wherever you like. It means that you’ll need an alternate plan for help when I’m not here to provide it for you.  That doesn’t mean I don’t love you, it means that I’m doing something for me.

This is your wife speaking. I have retired.  This is a wonderful and challenging time for me.  I’ve changed since we first met. So have you. I have more skills and strengths than I earlier realized . My expectations are different than they were then. I am more than I was and there is more that I want to be. I’m going to continue to grow. I’d like your encouragement and support along the way.

This is a single woman, with no kids, speaking. I have retired.  That means that at last I am free to do and be what I choose, everyday. I can go out and volunteer, slap paint on a wall or take the dog to the vet. I can walk in the park, compute in the dark, read a book or take a nap. And I can do it anytime I want to.

If  you are reasonably secure with a sense of emotional and physical well being you can do whatever you choose. So do something of value in your retirement.

Dare to dream. Challenge yourself to make it happen. Stretch, grow, take a chance. These are the years you’ve waited a lifetime to begin. They don’t come with a road map or a how-to manual.

You will need courage, imagination and initiative:

Courage to ask questions and go places you’ve not gone before.              

Imagination to create possibilities and options for how to obtain them. 

Initiative to go where you need without waiting for an invitation or asking for permission.

Expand your horizons by meeting people who do what you’d love to do. Attend workshops and seminars and exhibits and classes that teach what you’d love to learn.

Where to go, what to do?

Check for interesting programs at your library,  Volunteer Center,  Women’s Resource Center, Women’s Hospital,  Arts Center, YWCA, and your religious or spiritual center, just for starters.

Check for a comprehensive list of community clubs and organizations at your public library web site, or stop by and ask.

Check the newspaper for interesting speakers, performances,  and profiles of local folks you’d like to meet.

Check with community colleges, liberal arts colleges, and universities for courses designed for the life long learner.

It takes courage to create a retirement that spits in the eye of conventional wisdom. If anyone can make a beginning out of an ending, it’s you.

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 Yes! You may use this article by Executive and Career Coach, Joyce Richman, in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

 Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since she started her own practice in 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.