Richman Resources » College

Guide for Boomerang Parents Receives Review

Editor — Tue, 06 Sep 2011 17:59:52 +0000

The slow to no-growth economy and high unemployment rates have kids of all ages returning to their parents’ homes as they transition from college to work or from lost job to new job. Co-authors Joyce Richman and Barbara Demarest have been getting some attention for their guidebook, Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job, which they wrote to help parents deal with these times of transition in their children’s lives. Steve Sumerford recently reviewed the book in the Greensboro News & Record the title is Tips for dealing with kids who say, ‘I’m coming back’ and we’ve republished it here:

Tips for dealing with kids who say, ‘I’m coming back’

People all over the country are finding solace, encouragement and a passel of practical tips from a small paperback written by two Greensboro authors, Joyce Richman and Barbara Demarest. With decades of executive and career coaching between them, the pair teamed up to address a very timely topic, “boomerang kids,” a term coined a few years ago to describe adults, who, for a variety of reasons, have to move back in with their parents.
A recent CNN Money story reported that 85 percent of last year’s college graduates say they would move back home with their parents if they couldn’t find a job.

Even more disturbing is that the boomerang kids these days might not just be recent grads. During a recent interview with the authors, Richman told me that she’s “getting calls from parents saying that it’s their 40 or 50-year-old child who has moved back home because he or she is unemployed. This can create extraordinary stress for the whole family.”

All of these parents need to get their hands on “Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job: A Parent’s Guide to the School-to-Work Transition“ (TheCoachingAssociation.com). In less than 70 pages Richman and Demarest have created not only an excellent toolkit of tips and exercises, but they have also packed it with insightful stories that will help parents better understand and deal with the intense emotional dynamics of the situation.

Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job

“The stories are also there,” Demarest told me,” to say to the parents, ‘Your problem is not unique, you’re not alone.”

Demarest and Richman point out that often the parents’ own dears and career experiences can interfere with their ability to provide the most effective support and objective advice. When the child moves back into his or her old bedroom, the parents may begin to worry that there will be “eternal dependency, financial difficulty, community embarrassment and no privacy.” The boomerang child, they point out, has exactly the same concerns.

Because she is a well-known career counselor, Richman regularly gets calls from parents. “I’ve always gotten these kinds of calls but the tenor of them has changed in recent years. I hear more stress and fear in their voices,” Richman said.

The crisp writing style of “Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job” makes it very readable and useful for any parent. The tips are down-to-earth and practical, such as what not to eat if your potential emploer takes you to lunch (stay away from messy food; don’t order expensive items). The guide is also peppered with exercises — how to role-play the interview with your child or help create an “elevator speech” (a two-minute overview of the child’s education and qualifications).

The authors remind readers that it is important for the parents also to have an elevator speech, so that they will have a strong answer when concerned friends and family repeatedly ask questions like, “Well, has your son found a job yet?”

Richman and Demarest aren’t family therapists, but i dare say that if parents followed the advice in this guide, not only will they help their child get a job, but their relationship with that child will be closer and family ties will be stronger.

You can pick up a copy of “Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job” at any branch of the Greensboro Public Library. And, don’t miss the opportunity to meet the authors and have an informal conversation with them at 7 p.m. Sept. 20 at the Central Library, 219 N. Church St.

See you at the library.

Steve Sumerford (steve.sumerford@greensboro-nc.gov) is assistant director of the Greensboro Public Library. Decimal Points is a regular feature of the Books page.

Questions from Readers

Joyce Richman — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 02:04:05 +0000

Q: I’ve been unemployed for the past 18 months and have worked dozens of part time jobs during that time. If I list each job separately, I’ll look like a major job hopper. What do you suggest I do?

A: State the obvious: that you’ve worked temporary positions since (give the date) that enable you to serve a wide range of client organizations in a variety of ways that add value.

Q: I’ve been fired, laid off, canned, whatever you call it. Bottom line, I don’t have a job and don’t know how to explain what happened to the last one. I was told that the company had decided to go in a different direction. What does that mean and how can I translate that to a prospective employer?

A: Sometimes it’s not what you say but how you say it. When asked why you left your last job, respond with a firm, “they decided to go in a different direction and I respect their decision.” No translation necessary.

Q: I’m going to graduate college this spring and I don’t have any idea what I want to do with my expensive degree. My parents are understandably concerned but their constant pressure for me to “commit” to something scares me away from making a decision that could turn out to be the wrong one. What do you suggest I do?

A: Clarify what’s important to you in a work setting and what you value in the people with whom you work. Figure out what you enjoy, what you’d like to do more, and get better at doing. Ask your professors, extended family and friends for contacts they know who share your interests and values. Follow up, follow through and take a leap of faith that whatever you choose first will be a learning opportunity that you can apply to whatever you decide to choose next.

Q: I’m in my mid forties with nearly grown children and I’m just now completing a college degree I began years ago. The clock is ticking and I don’t have time to lose, so how can I improve my marketability while I’m still in school?

A: Network. If you were an active stay at home parent raising those now nearly grown children you’ve met plenty of contacts along the way, in the neighborhood, carpooling, going to doctor’s and dentist’s offices, school, PTA, and community events. Make a list, make calls and set up meetings to get re-acquainted. Describe what you’re training to do professionally and that you would appreciate any suggestions they’d have for internships and referrals. In most cases you’ll get a positive response and willingness to refer you as someone they know as a dependable, hard working, team player.

Q: I graduated from college with a BA in General Studies and the only job offers I’m getting are for administrative assistant positions. I’m disappointed. I deserve something better, not because I’m so special, but because I have a college degree. Should I take the job, keep looking, or get over myself?

A: I vote for all three: Take the job, keep looking, and get over yourself. Take the job to put structure in your life and help you determine what you do well, and what you don’t. Ask for expanded responsibilities and continue to develop your competencies. Ask managers how you can capitalize on your strengths and add value to the company. Apply for advancement opportunities within the company and if need be, outside. Go easy on yourself. Finding a career is a process that requires time, self-awareness, self-development, constructive feedback, openness to learning, courage, and determination to succeed.

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Yes! You may use this article in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since she started he own practice in 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.

Advice for Children of Laid Off Parents

Joyce Richman — Sat, 24 Jan 2009 17:41:12 +0000

OK, children, listen up. Your mom’s been laid off. That’s right, she’s lost her job and she’s concerned. She loves you and she’s going to continue to provide for you. You just need to give her time and space to figure out what she’s going to do next, so life can get back to normal. You can lend a hand.
Support can be financial and it can be emotional. You may be too young to help with the finances but just the right age to be a real help around the house. Clean your room. Clear the table. Mow the lawn. Be nice to your brother and stop teasing the dog. Instead of asking Mom to buy you something that you want and don’t need, ask her what she needs and what you can do for her.
It’s easier to deal with family layoffs when you’re too young to understand the consequences of job loss. It’s harder when you’re old enough to realize the impact and not old enough to influence the outcome. Particularly if you’re worried about the effect it can have on you personally. For example:
Your dad’s been laid off. The company he worked for went out of business and there wasn’t anything he could do to keep it afloat. You know he’s worried, even though he says that he’s not. He tells you and your sister to cheer up, there’s nothing to be concerned about, but you are, just the same.
Your dad always said that if you had good grades and could get accepted, he’d pay tuition and expenses to any college you wanted to attend. You’ve worked hard on your studies and have been accepted to your top choice, a small private college in the northeast. Money wasn’t supposed to be a problem. There was supposed to be plenty of money to pay for your education. Now it doesn’t look that way. Your sister said you’re selfish if you insist on going there with dad out of work. You tell her to butt out, that it’s between you and dad. Now you’re not sure what the right thing is and you’re afraid to ask.
You’ve started to avoid everyone at home, especially dad. You don’t want to ask how his job search is going because it probably isn’t going anywhere and knowing that will just make matters worse.
You have a friend, Pat, whose dad’s been out of work for months. Pat recently took an after school job at a grocery store, stocking shelves and bagging groceries. You asked him if he was embarrassed for kids at school to know what he was doing. Pat looked at you like he was looking at a stranger. “I’m helping the family”, he said. “What would you do if you were in my shoes?” You are in his shoes and you don’t have the courage to think about it.
Find your courage. You’re a member of a family that needs everyone to pitch in and figure out the best way to get through a rough time. Talking about it, openly and honestly, is the first step to working your way through it.
Begin by talking with your dad. Invite him for a walk, a run, a lunch, some coffee. Get him out of the house and to a place where the two of you can be alone. Make this about him, not about you. Ask how he’s doing and how he’s feeling. Listen to what he says and how he looks when he says it. Respond to his feelings more than the content of his words. Ask what you can do to be a support to him and the family and ask in a way that demonstrates that you care.
Talk with him about college and your desire to attend. Let him know that you want to ease the financial burden it will have on the family. You may find that attending an in-state university and working to help support yourself is a reasonable option. As a result, you’ll have an education, work experience, be more marketable, and you’ll always know that you did the right thing when it counted most.