Question from a reader: Left after layoffs

Q: “I like what I do but after three years and living through three downsizings I still don’t feel like I fit in or belong here. My prior experience and the way I carry myself professionally have made me unpopular. Being popular is not my goal but I feel like I’m not able to contribute fully when I feel so isolated. Help! My work life is becoming the pits.”

A: This reader describes several concerns at once: How can you fit in when your style is different from the people you work with? How can you be effective when you don’t feel accepted? Why aren’t people more accepting of others? And finally, does surviving several layoffs in the same company impact how you are perceived and received by others?

Fitting in when you don’t: Employers and job applicants should pay as much attention to matching the workplace culture as they do in matching skill sets to job requirements. Each should evaluate the opportunities, challenges, and likelihood of successful transition. Too often hurdles aren’t acknowledged, much less addressed, leaving old team members and new employees to struggle with conflicting workstyle preferences. (Tip: Read Working with Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman).

Not only is it difficult to feel effective when you don’t feel accepted, it’s frustrating and energy wasting when you have to spend more time getting along with others than in getting your job done. Unless you focus on blending your style with theirs you may in for a rough ride. (Tip: The boss doesn’t fire you, your colleagues do).

Accepting others and being accepted is requisite for good working relationships. For some, it happens almost immediately. For others it takes a longer time. How long is too long? It depends on who has to struggle with it.

What gets in the way? If how you look, talk, interact or relate with the boss or co-workers consistently deviates from the prevailing norm, you’re likely to get cut out of the herd. It doesn’t matter if that’s right or wrong, “behaving differently” costs. If you dress up in a dress down environment, or vice versa, you’ll stir up talk by barely trying. One-up a co-worker in front of the boss, and you’re bound to get a nasty reaction. Come in late when everyone comes in early, and you’ll be marginal in more ways than one.

Figure out the new culture by observing it. If you’re not sure what it is, or want to confirm your understanding of it, ask employees who seem connected, not those who look as outside the loop as you feel.

Speaking of other employees, do they have a responsibility in accepting new employees to the team? You bet they do.

High performing teams realize that the key to their professional success turns on everyone having the opportunity to achieve the group’s goals. To buy in you have to know what they are, why they exist, and the part you play in getting there. Trade-offs occur when one person is willing to help another. Trust evolves as individuals have consistently positive experiences with each other. You can’t ask new players to prove themselves as valuable contributors if you’re not willing to show them how your game is played.

On a final note:  surviving several downsizings can leave victors feeling victimized. They try to protect themselves from further damage by withdrawing from their colleagues. Help break the cycle. Reach out to each other and create community in the workplace. It sure beats whatever is in second place.

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Yes! You may use this article by Executive and Career Coach, Joyce Richman, in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since she started her own practice in 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada andEurope. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.

Heads Up – The Future Has Landed

Feedback: Too Much, Too Little or Too Late

Feedback. Too much or too little? It depends on who you’re asking:

“Everybody tells me what to do; from my mother to my manager. You’d think I didn’t have a brain in my head. Why can’t people just keep their opinions to themselves and let me do my job?”

“The only time I get any feedback is at my annual review, which I get every eighteen months to two years, if I’m lucky. Even then, it’s sketchy, abstract, and I don’t know what to do with it. Next thing you know, I’m let go, and I didn’t see it coming.”

Feedback. If more people knew how, what, and why to give it and more people knew how to do something with it, everyone and the bottom line would benefit.

Whether you’ve been into feedback avoidance, or you’re known as Attila the Feedback Giver, this framework should help you to prepare for and deliver feedback more effectively:

Approach your feedback meeting with the assumption that you don’t know everything; therefore, you don’t have all the answers.

Allow time for give and take. You’re heading into a discussion with someone who will provide you perspectives that you don’t have.

Develop an outline:

• What’s your goal?

Why are you giving this feedback?
What do you want to achieve by giving it?

• What exactly is the problem?

Who is it about?
What is it about?
How does it relate to the person you are giving feedback to?

• Who solves the problem?

Whose responsibility is it?
How much authority has this person in solving the problem?

• What are the available options?

What are the pros and cons of each option?
Who will benefit and how and at what cost?

• What’s the action plan?

Who’s going to solve the problem or meet the challenge?
What do they need to get it done?
How will you measure their progress?
How will you know if and when the problem is solved?

Despite careful planning and candid acknowledgment that giving objective and timely feedback makes sense, many employers “choke” when it comes to providing it.

• They fear negative reactions and don’t want to deal with them.
• They think they don’t have time to do it right, so they wait until they do. They won’t and they don’t.
• They believe it’s faster to fix the problem themselves.
• They complain that people are unpredictable. They’d rather work with widgets.

The rubber abruptly meets the road when these same bosses get deep-sixed with the very feedback that they avoided giving. Because they got it too late, they may lose their jobs.

Vicious cycle, isn’t it.

Good supervisors, managers, leaders provide feedback to enable their employees to grow and develop in their positions, to take on increasing levels of responsibility and authority, to free their bosses to accomplish the goals for which they are accountable.

Feedback, when delivered appropriately, benefits everyone.

It must be provided on a consistent basis and in a climate that is safe and supportive.

It’s a two way street. Give it and get it. Model it by asking your employees two questions:

What do you want me to do more?

What would you like me to do less?

Listen to what you are being told. Probe for deeper understanding. Ask for examples that would help you see the point that is being made. Rather than appearing to defend your behavior, learn why doing it differently would benefit others.

Providing and receiving feedback can be habit forming. When compared to other addictions, this is one with positive side effects that builds, rather than tears down, human capital.

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Yes! You may use this article by Executive and Career Coach, Joyce Richman, in your blog, article in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since she started her own practice in 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.

Keeping Your Balance with Reorganization

Heads up, friends and neighbors. Companies are reorganizing and if you’re working for them you know what that means: the earth is going to move under your feet. If you want to keep your balance even as those around you might be losing theirs, think about what you want to do, what you say and who you to say it to.

Let’s begin with the “Don’ts”:

Don’t engage in a whisper campaign against management. In fact, don’t whisper about anything, even surprise parties. Don’t huddle in small groups, or large groups, or groups of any size.

Don’t hide. Don’t keep your head down. Don’t duck responsibility. Don’t shrug your shoulders. Don’t argue, defend, or attempt to explain why you’re arguing, defending, and explaining.

Don’t look for your boss. And if you locate him, or her, don’t make unreasonable requests (“You’ll protect me, right?”) or ask questions they can’t answer because 1. They don’t know and would rather not say, 2. They do know and have been told not to say, 3. They don’t know what they don’t know and that’s pretty embarrassing.

Don’t hang out with dooms-dayers, nay- sayers, boss bashing, hair tossing, eye rollers and co-workers prone to public meltdowns. They’ll drain the energy you need to stand upright and get your job done.

What should you do?

Push the negativity aside. There’s plenty you can do, and ought to do, every day to stabilize yourself and the people who work with you. Opt for solutions instead of problems. If you want to ask questions, ask what you can do to help in the transition. If you want to stay busy, focus on increasing the company’s revenues or improving its profitability. If you want to manage your emotions, control what you can and let the rest of it go.

The company is reorganizing. You should, too. Take inventory of your habits, behaviors, systems and processes and determine the ways you can save yourself and other’s time, energy, money, and aggravation. Instead of saturating yourself with blame for the situation you’re in, do something about it. If others are advancing because they appear to know more than you, do what they do; study, learn, and apply what you know in ways that can make an immediate difference for the organization. If they have the style and you have the substance and style appears to be winning, improve your style. Invite others to speak, to share their opinions, and add yours to theirs. Build bridges with ideas and connect ideas to actions that benefit the company.

If others appear to be advancing because they know the people you don’t know, do what they do. Put yourself out there. Introduce yourself to people you need to know and reintroduce yourself to people you need to know better. Go to meetings, get involved, get going on initiatives, and get back to the team with what’s happening. Get to know people who easily connect to people who have influence. Ask them what they need, and respond by telling them what you’ve done and can do and how you can be part of the solution.

If others are advancing because they have something to say; say something. Register opinions, offer perspectives, and advance ideas without having to be asked. Say what you mean like you mean it, without apology, hesitation, or fear of being second-guessed. Say it because it’s part of the answer, not part of the problem.

If others are advancing because they make decisions, be a decision maker. Get involved and involve others. Be informed and inform others. Re-affirm, re-think, re-invent, and re-organize yourself so that you add value to whatever comes next.

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Yes! You may use this article by Executive and Career Coach, Joyce Richman, in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since she started he own practice in 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.

One More Tough Question Answered

What’s a tough interview question? One you don’t know how to answer.

I don’t want to be asked why there are so many gaps in my resume.

I don’t want to be asked why I went to a top school, got great grades, and then spent the next three years in dead-end jobs.

I don’t want to be asked about my ‘five year plan’ because I don’t have a one year plan.

I don’t want to be asked ‘tell me about yourself’ cause there’s nothing much to tell.

To answer the questions that concern you most, get real about your obstacles and remove them. Here’s one way to do it:  Write. Write the question that worries you, then write your response and keep writing. Write for five minutes without pausing to think, check, correct, or wonder what someone would think if they read your rambling response. Just keep writing. And there, right there at the end of your five minute marathon is the obstacle and the answer to the question. Take action on it and you’ll have the response you were seeking.

Here’s an example:

“Why are there so many gaps in my resume?”

If you knew what I’ve been going through you wouldn’t ask such a question. Do you think it’s fun to go from job to job, either getting fired or quitting because the people you’re working with are too stupid to recognize your intelligence or you scare the pants off yourself because you’re in a stupid job and you don’t know how to do it? Do you realize how frustrating it is to have this big deal, cost a fortune, four year degree and you’re working at something an idiot could do and you’re the idiot who can’t do it? I’ve got these gaps because I never sat down to figure out what I needed to do. I just believed that as smart as I am everyone would immediately get it and hire me into this great job and when that didn’t happen I lost all my confidence and now I’m back to square one, three years later, after my family thinks I’m a loser because I think I am, despite the fact I won’t admit that to anyone. So how do I get out from under of this load of you know what? I have to sit down with someone smarter than me who gets me and who is wiling to help me work my way out of it. That’s the biggest takeaway I’ve had from this insulting, ridiculous situation: that I’m not as smart as I thought, that other people can help me and I need to ask for that help because I’m finally ready to listen.

I’m there. I know what I have to do. I have my answer.

“There are gaps in my resume because until recently I had not taken the time I needed to figure out the direction I want to take my career. I’m doing that now and here’s what I’ve learned about myself and why I’m interviewing for this job…”

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Yes! You may use this article in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since she started he own practice in 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.

It’s Always a Good Time for Change

According to the political writers, pundits, pollsters, and candidates, this is a time for change. Some describe change in ways that engage our hearts and imaginations. Some describe change in terms that are pragmatic and time bound.

When you call and email questions about jobs and your career, you want to talk about change. Some of your concerns focus on the future, some are about practical necessities, and some are fundamental to your systems of belief. You want to change jobs from the one you have to the one that’s a better match to what you aspire, do best, or value most. You may not be able to describe or define what change looks like (“I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, I just know it’s got to be better than what I’m doing…”) but you do know this: 1. You are no longer satisfied with where you work or 2. Where you work is no longer satisfied with you. Something has to change.

When employers ask for team-building workshops, they want to focus on change. They’re changing the ways they do business; changing the expectations they have of employees; changing because everyone else is changing and to stand still is to fall behind. What does change look like? What are those expectations? They don’t say. What they do say, is what currently exists has to change, for the company to survive and thrive.

When companies hire and promote, they want those employees to enhance the company’s ability to assess markets, drive competitive advantage and seize opportunity. They want them to articulate vision, design strategy, consolidate power, and embolden teams to drive through to success.

Bottom line, they want to hire, train, and promote employees who can think strategically, design innovatively, and anticipate competitively. They want employees who are primed for change; who are and have demonstrated themselves to be intellectually and emotionally flexible, responsive, able to learn, go and grow in whatever direction necessary to both lead and respond to rapidly changing markets and economies.

If you’re looking for a job, this changing market demands that you change with it. That doesn’t mean you have to give up your foundational values or pragmatic responses or imaginative impulses. It does mean that you become increasingly mindful that openness and flexibility are more than buzz words reserved for interviews and performance reviews. Openness and flexibility can make the difference between getting hired or passed over; advancing or getting placed on the ‘do not retain’ list.

Openness: Your co-workers are as likely to live across the world as they are across town. You may speak to them daily and never see them. They may define time differently than you; they may not share your preference for action or your sense of urgency. They may prefer to go more slowly, to develop relationships, consider options, and process possibilities, over time instead of just in time.

Open your thinking to different ways of seeing problems before you begin to solve them. Shift from the limiting perspective of your comfort zone to the possibility that others see the world and its challenges differently from you. Open your thinking so that you listen and understand before you prescribe. Accept that the outcome you want or the problem you see can be different from what others experience or want to address. Open your thinking so that you understand that people of other cultures may be more rule regarding or open-ended, more deferential or authoritative, more direct or indirect in communicating ideas, than you. Recognize that insistence creates resistance and when that happens, nothing changes.

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Yes! You may use this article in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since she started he own practice in 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.

Questions from Readers for All Ages

Q: My anxiety is through the roof. Yesterday I talked back to my boss, something I never do. I apologized and he said we’re OK but I’m not so sure. He seems to be avoiding me and now I’m more concerned than ever. Should I start looking for another job?

A: Exhale. If looking for another job helps you feel more in control, sure, do it. In the time it takes you to find something new, your current issues might be resolved, your anxiety in check, and your current boss pleased with you and your work.

Q: My daughter wants to quit school (she’s a freshman in a local college) and marry her boyfriend, also a youngster, who lives a thousand miles away. Her mother and I want her to complete her degree and then follow her heart’s desire. She’s said that she’s afraid her boyfriend won’t wait for her. What do you recommend?

A: Objective perspective and a reality check. Are you paying for your daughter’s education here, and will you pay for it there? If so, check with colleges in the area and find out if and when she can get accepted. If that’s not the plan, she’ll need a job. Check with the Employment Security Commission. If money will be an issue, contact Consumer Credit Counseling and analyze what she’ll need to earn to pay her expenses. If your daughter and her boyfriend are willing to take this on, have these conversations, listen, learn, and live with the economic and emotional consequences, and are fully committed to each other, find a way to make it work.

Q: I’ve just returned from my fifth visit with one company. How many interviews should it take to land one job?

A: It can take several if you’re interviewing for one of the company’s top positions. More than that and I’d be concerned about current leadership’s ability to make decisions and circumstances they may not have described. If you’re called back again, ask some tough questions of your own. This decision is a two-way proposition.

Q: My husband and I want our high school son to get an after school job. He’s running with a crowd that scares us and we think he’d be better off in a supervised environment. He’s not interested but he’ll do what we ask. What jobs do you recommend that he pursue?

A: You’re concerned that your son is easily influenced, unlikely to consider the negative consequences of his choices, and needs a structured environment to stay out of harm’s way. It also sounds like your son could benefit from learning a structured approach to problem solving and decision making so he can become aware of his options and have the confidence to make the right ones. Get him help. Encourage him to talk with you about the day-to-day choices and challenges he’s facing and how he’s currently dealing with them. He may be savvier than you give him credit and you may be more open and forgiving than he might have dared hope. And about that after-school job… involve him in deciding what it might be. He’ll soon be making those decisions for himself. There’s no time like the present for him to practice accountability in action.

Q: I’ve been made an offer with a company I don’t want to join. I’m afraid to turn it down and afraid that if I take it I’ll be miserable. What should I do?

A: I’m curious: why interview for a company where you don’t want to work? Pretend that you never did. Turn it down. You deserve better.

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Yes! You may use this article in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since she started he own practice in 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.

Bottom Line: You Didn’t Have a Bad Reference, It’s the Interview

Q:  I recently lost my job and have not been able to find another. I left my last job on not good terms with my former employer and I think they’re giving me a bad reference. I’ve had a couple of interviews with different companies and was told each time that I’d be getting a second interview. When I wouldn’t hear back I’d call and they’d tell me the position had been filled. Is there any way to prove my former employer is giving me a bad reference? How can I work around this? It’s been over a month and I need to get a job.

A:  Prospective employers screen applicants during the first interview and make their hiring decision after second and sometimes third interviews. If they’re going to check references, that’s when they’ll do it. Many past employers are hesitant to give work references on employees, good or bad, and limit the information they provide to only include dates of employment and job title or position.

Some prospective employers check credit reports and court records for evidence of behaviors that could negatively impact job performance. It takes time, money, and personnel to conduct these checks; three commodities that are in great demand and short supply. Therefore, only those candidates most likely to be hired are investigated. Bottom line, it’s not the reference that does you in, it’s the interview.

Most job loss applicants become apprehensive as they approach the interview, particularly when the economy is down and unemployment is on the rise. They worry most about what they can’t control; the questions they’ll be asked and those they ask themselves: “Was it the economy or was it me?” “Why was I laid off and others spared?” Worry undermines your sense of worth and narrows your perspective. Try as you might to camouflage your feelings, they show. What can you do?

Control what you can and let the rest of it go. Example: You’re worried about a reference that may or may not exist. Let it go, and if you can’t, do something about it. Call the individual who may have provided it. Indicate the (positive) lessons you’ve learned from your experience working for him, and what you’ll do differently going forward. It won’t change the past but it gives closure to it. Then, move on to what’s important; getting a job.

If you’re concerned that you’re coming across as depressed, angry, or anxious, you probably are. Your presentation may be muted; your affect, flat. If you typically feel centered and emotionally healthy, and believe your moods are tied to your employment concerns, make an appointment with a career professional who’s trained to answer your job related questions.

If you’re worried about your credit references, check them out. If you’re considered a credit risk and you’re seeking positions where that appearance can derail your job chances, get the financial assistance you need.

If those who know you and care about you have asked that you seek help from mental health professionals, do them or yourself a favor, make an appointment, today. There’s help out there for you and it’s up to you to get it.

You are not being held accountable for the American economy; you are not responsible for your company’s layoffs. Prospective employers aren’t looking to fix blame or find problems where they don’t exist. They have a job that needs doing and want to know if you can do it for them. Let them know you can by focusing the interview on your ability to be proactive and productive in ways that are measurable and quantifiable.

If you were fired and are asked “why?” be direct, honest, and succinct. Rather than blame yourself, your boss, or the company, briefly describe the situation, what you learned from it, and what you‘ll do differently going forward. Then turn the conversation to ways you can contribute to the company’s goals and objectives.

Every company that is hiring wants individuals who can work on their team, save them time and money, and contribute to their bottom line. That should be your focus, on the interview, and every day you’re on the job.

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Yes! You may use this article in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

 Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since she started he own practice in 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.

It’s a Match Game: Strengths to Company’s Needs

Pete’s miserable. Miserable. Said that he can’t remember feeling worse. He’s stuck with a nowhere job at a nowhere company doing work he was doing five years ago and he was bored with it then.

How did he get into this mess and how does he get out?

He had a great career (his words, not mine) with a large, hierarchical, autocratic company (my words, not his). He lasted for 10 years. Lasted, because he was able to dart around downsizings, jump over mergers, and duck behind large bosses. Finally, he ran out of time, luck and quick reflexes. He was on the street.

Pete went with the first company that would hire him. He needed a steady job and a good salary and this company fit the bill.

Pete didn’t care if he could do the work as long as he could pay the bills. He learned pretty quickly that he did everything but his job (his boss’s words, not Pete’s) and without his job he couldn’t pay the bills. Pete landed back on the street.

Pete went with the next company that would hire him. The work looked steady, the pay was fair, it paid most of the bills, and that was just about good enough. Pete still didn’t care if he could do the work so it wasn’t long before the boss found out and he told Pete. That put Pete back out on the street.

Pete went with the third company that would hire him. The pay was paltry, the position was pitiful, and this time the business folded before Pete did.

Now Pete’s on his 5th job in his 5th company is just over 5 years. He’s having a terrible time of it.

What can Pete do that he’s not already done? Plenty.

Being glib, quick and confident works well in a shell game. It takes more than that to work in an organization.

Pete, figure out what you do well and what you don’t. It’s a match game, not a con game. Match your strengths to what your company needs. Work hard. That’s how you get a job and how you keep a job.

When was the last time you enjoyed your work because you were good at it? When was the last time you got an attaboy?

Go back as far as you need to find the answers.

There was a hobby, a sport, a summer job, a college course that you liked and did well. The clues to what your work should be are embedded in that experience.

What is your long term goal? What are you hoping to achieve?

You say you want work and a paycheck. That’s a means to an end. It’s not the end. If you don’t know where you’re going, you’ll end up back where you started. And you have, Pete, you have.

What are your short term goals? What objectives do you have for your first week on the job, your first month, your first year? How will you measure success?

What’s your action plan? How are you going to get from here to there? How will your short term goals connect to your long term vision? What must you do to get what you want?

Pete, are you willing to work hard enough to make it happen?

Do you have the courage to admit that you don’t know it all and you can’t know it all?

What kind of continuing education or specific skills training do you need? Where can you get it? Are you willing to do what it takes to learn it?

What drains your energy? Are you worried about ailing parents and aging debt? Are you willing to find and accept the help that you need?

Pete, you said that you’re miserable, stuck in a nowhere job in a nowhere company, doing boring work you did years ago. Who did that to you?

You’re too good a person and have too much talent to play a blame game. You dug yourself into this mess. Check your watch. It’s time to dig yourself out.

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Yes! You may use this article by Executive and Career Coach, Joyce Richman, in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.

Professional Maturity vs. Social Sophistication

He said that he was impatient, hard driving, focused, bottom-line. That he had trouble with people who wanted to think aloud, taking everyone’s time, noodling about what ought to have been immediately clear to everyone present. That his idea was good, it was the right thing to do and the right time to do it. So, he did what any clear thinking person would have done, he blew up. Well, not totally. But he did say in very emphatic terms that he wouldn’t sit through these interminable meetings and have his time wasted by individuals who didn’t know enough to speak intelligently about the subject at hand. With that, he left the room.

He thought the subject was closed. He made his point. What was left to say? Plenty, apparently. He was informed that he was to apologize, immediately, to the management team, or be denied the promotion and salary increase that he had so long worked to attain.

He was willing to meet, he said, to explain his position. “Not good enough,” he was told.

“Why should I apologize?” he screamed into the ear that I was holding at a respectful distance from the telephone receiver. “Why am I the bad guy and these idiots get away with making it so? Why should my career be threatened because they don’t know the truth when it smacks them in the head and kicks them in the behind?”

“Do you want me to respond or do you want to keep venting?” I asked.

“I want to know how to answer them without feeling like I’m giving in,” he said. “I want to explain myself. I realize I was too emotional. But I won’t apologize for anything else.”

“What’s your ‘end’ in mind,” I asked. “What do you want to have happen as a result of that conversation?”

Silence. I didn’t hear him breathe.

“Good question,” he said. “And I don’t have an answer.”

I knew then he was ready to listen.

“Being ‘right’ isn’t reason enough to demand that others agree with you. Being ‘right’ isn’t sufficient cause for others to abandon their perspective.”

“Okay. Maybe you’re right. What am I supposed to do? I’ve got integrity and I won’t compromise it to pander to people I don’t respect.”

“If you don’t respect the people on your team, why are you working for that company?”

“I misspoke. I do respect them. They’re smart, they’re smooth, and they’re sophisticated. To tell the truth, and I hadn’t thought about this until just now, I don’t think they respect me. That’s why I get angry.”

“Why wouldn’t they respect you?”

“Well, they went to ivy-league schools and have advanced degrees. They know how to dress, and what to say. They pick the right restaurants and choose the right wines. They’ve got class. I don’t. I didn’t get that in my house. Believe me, I wouldn’t trade my parents or my life, because that’s how I’ve gotten as far as I have, but I sure could use a little more polish.”

“What would polish do for you?”

“I’d be more patient, more understanding, I’d listen better because I wouldn’t feel like I always have to prove myself.”

“What do you have to prove?”

“That I have a right to be in the room. I have a right to a seat at the table. And I’ll fight for that right because I’ve earned it and I’m not going back to how I lived or where I lived, ever again.”

“It sounds like fighting for that right will guarantee you a ticket to where you don’t want to go.”

“Looks like it.”

“You’re smart, you’re quick, you connect the dots while others are still arranging them on the paper. You’re creative and passionate. You have everything that you need to succeed but…”

“But?”

“You have lessons to learn:  There are more ways than your way to solve problems, craft visions, and initiate processes. You can be intelligent and have viewpoints that add value and not be demeaning to others. It’s about professional maturity, not social sophistication.”

“It’s about winning as a team and beating the competition instead of beating up the team and losing my chance to play.”

“You’ve got it.”

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Yes! You may use this article by Executive and Career Coach, Joyce Richman, in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executiveand career coaching since 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.

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