Conventional Wisdom Won’t Keep Your Employees from Leaving

“How can I stop my employees from leaving when I can’t afford to compete with the salaries and benefits the other folks are offering?”

That’s the question many employers are asking. The problem is, they’re listening to Conventional Wisdom for the answers. CW suggests that people join companies and stay with them for salary and  benefits; that employees have no loyalty; if they can get better down the street, that’s where they’re going to go.

In years past, employers attracted employees with unspoken promises of security, competitive salaries and benefits. What they asked in return was uncompromising loyalty. They got it.

Companies grew and acquired other companies. Their mergers turned into downsizings and the silent promises they made were as bankable as smoke. If you were lucky, your hard work and loyalty got you a pass until the next layoff was announced.

Once burned twice savvy employees (and their soon to be employed children) learned that loyalty meant “take care of yourself because no one else is going to do it for you.” They changed the game by writing their own rules: Stay with a company that treats you right. Leave a company that doesn’t. They knew precisely what that meant even though they didn’t tell anyone and no one took the time to ask. Until recently.

First, Break All the Rules, What the World’s Greatest Managers do Differently,by Marcus Buckingham and Curt Coffman, is based upon the Gallup Organization’s comprehensive employee opinion survey and in-depth interviews of over 80,000 managers in over 400 companies. It is, according to Gallup, “the largest study of its kind ever undertaken.”

In essence, it says that despite the best efforts of pay, benefits, promotions and training, it’s the employee’s manager who most strongly influences whether employees stay or leave. How’s that? The more that managers become involved and invested in their employees’ development and career success, the greater the likelihood that employees are more productive, companies makes more money, customers are better served, and yes, employees stay where they are.

When highly respected polling organizations take the time to ask the right questions, in as comprehensive a manner as the Gallup Organization has, it pays to take notice of their findings.

Employees leave or stay because of their managers, not because pay or benefits are more or less than what the folks get next door. Employees stay with managers who match strengths to challenges;  delegate decision making authority, and demonstrate a real interest in individual development. They stay with managers who enable them to accomplish something worthwhile and affirm them when doing so.

So rant and rave all you want about the folks next door stealing your employees. If you treat them right, they’ll stay. If you don’t, they won’t.

“But what if your employees don’t want to be motivated? They don’t want to be challenged, they don’t want to be developed, they just want to get a paycheck. If you demand more than they’re willing to give, they’re out the door. What then?”

Look at your hiring practices. The most critical mistake any employer makes is to hire someone without clarifying expectations. Consult with a professional who can help assess your needs and your environment (which are often different than you might think), and design an interview process that is targeted to both.

Provide new employees the training and equipment they need to get the job done. Give them specific and timely feedback; when they are performing the job well and when they need to improve and how. Motivate them by reinforcing their strengths instead of emphasizing their weaknesses. Ask them for feedback and listen to what they say:  Do you have what you need? Give us your ideas about how to do this job better. What are some ways we can improve our processes?

Take an interest in employees as people. The more you bring out their best, the more likely they are to stay. Those are employees you want to keep.

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 Yes! You may use this article by Executive and Career Coach, Joyce Richman, in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

 Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since she started her own practice in 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.

The Three C’s of Effective Communication

Political pundits advise the President to have news conferences early and often. Why?

1. The public wants to know what’s happening and what the President’s doing about it. They want to know his command of the issues; how aware, involved, and decisive he is regarding critical events and breaking news.

2. The more often the President meets the press and the public, the more on top of issues he has to be.

Political advisors aside, that’s sound advice for anyone in charge of anything. It’s of particular importance to people who have information that impacts the lives of others.

Why is it important to inform others, consistently, concisely, yet comprehensively, of events and plans that affect them? The answer appears self-evident, yet those responsible for the telling (and who should know better) are too often missing in action.

What keeps leadership and management from stepping up? Let’s examine the more obvious reasons, and deal with them one at a time:

• They don’t know what’s going on.
• They don’t know what to do with what’s going on.
• There’s so much going on they don’t know where to begin.
• They don’t know how their employees will act if they tell them what’s going on.
• Their employees might have some strong opinions about what’s going on.

They don’t know what’s going on: Well meaning employers can over delegate what they are least interested in doing or knowing, entrusting others with more decision-making authority than they should have. When the buck stops it’s on the wrong desk. Employers need to understand what’s happening and anticipate the consequences that flow from the information they’re getting.

They don’t know what to do with what’s going on: When employers and their managers feel overwhelmed by the mass and speed of changing events, they get stuck between where they’ve been and where they need to go. If they prefer the tactical to the strategic, they’re putting out fires without identifying the cause of the blaze. Savvy leaders think and act strategically and analytically. They maintain vision and perspective as they unravel and simplify the complexities of cause and effect. They communicate that understanding to tactical managers and their employees, who fix what’s broken and get the new job done.

There’s so much going on they don’t know where to begin: Managers who procrastinate are avoiding what comes first in favor of what comes last. Effective managers dial into the issues and ignore the static. They focus their time and energy on what’s important, instead of what’s making the most noise.

They don’t know how their employees will act if they tell them what’s going on: When leaders and managers side step issues to avoid the prospect of conflict, they further complicate problems, erode trust and diminish loyalty. It takes courage, honesty, and integrity to manage employees and the information that affects them. Effective leaders and managers are knowledgeable about the choices they make and realistic about the consequences of their actions.

Employees might have strong and opposing opinions about what’s going on: If employers adapt the adage, “what they don’t know won’t hurt them,” they wrongly assume their employees live on the dark side of the moon. Today’s workers are savvy. They are highly aware of talk in the press, in the markets, and on the street. What they don’t know, they create, resulting in rumors that hurt everyone.

If employers avoid sharing information because they fear strong, negative reactions, they’re delaying the inevitable, multiplied. Whether the news is good or bad, employees want to know. They want to prepare themselves and plan, emotionally and intellectually, for what might happen. If it turns out fine, they’re relieved. If it doesn’t, they’re ready. Employees trust bosses who demonstrate consideration, compassion, and consistently tell the truth.

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Yes! You may use this article by Executive and Career Coach, Joyce Richman, in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.

Passing the buck? Don’t Delegate Unpleasantries!

“Everyone wants to shoot the messenger!” says Mary, who’s the messenger for a boss who would rather “not get involved.” Here’s her story. It might have familiar ring:

Mary is a seasoned executive assistant. She’s able to see what needs doing and gets it done. She thinks on her feet, consistently makes good choices, and good decisions. She’s hard working and dedicated to her job; organized, good with details and sees how they connect to the big picture.

She’s professional in demeanor, personable in relationships, articulate and well read. She sounds great and her boss agrees. 

“Hello, I’m Larry, Mary’s boss. Mary’s all that she’s described to be, and more. In fact, she’s so much more, I’m able to delegate everything that I don’t want to do. I don’t like to manage people or things, I like to lead. So, I leave the managing to Mary. What specifically? Performance reviews. It’s tedious and time consuming to write them and unpleasant to conduct them. So I have Mary do them for me. I sign them and she delivers them. I don’t like to meet with direct reports. They like to complain and I don’t want problems, I want solutions. So I ask Mary to listen to their complaints, fix what she can and let the rest go.

I want to do what I’m paid to do, and that’s to be the big picture guy. I’m great at it. I love it. Thank heavens that’s about the only thing that Mary’s not good at doing or I’d have a struggle on my hands.”

“I’m Mary. Larry nailed it. He has me do everything he doesn’t want to do (did he mention shopping for family gifts and canceling dinner engagements?), but I draw the line when it comes to critiquing his direct reports. He once asked me to fire someone for him. I flatly refused, Larry never did it and the person still works here.

Keep in mind, please, that I am his executive assistant, not his executive vice president.  I do not have the title, authority, power, or paycheck to do the things he asks of me. His direct reports look at me as though I’m on some ego trip, giving orders like I’m in charge. I’m caught between a boss who relies on me to do his job and a staff that resents me for doing it.

“I’m Harry, one of Larry’s direct reports and I’d like to weigh in on this discussion. We don’t give Mary respect because we know she’s a stand in for Larry, who doesn’t have the courage to tell us, in person, what we need to know and what we need to hear. We admire his intelligence and his ability to sell our vision and our mission. He has great interpersonal skills when it comes to meeting, greeting, and securing financial support for our worthwhile endeavors. What he lacks is an ability to engage our support. He shuts us out and thinks shoving Mary in our faces makes up for his omissions. He’s wrong and its unfortunate that Mary’s paying the price.”

Mary does what her boss asks because; “I need this job until the market improves. Then I’ll have no choice but to leave and work elsewhere.”

Mary does have choices. Larry wants solutions, not problems. Mary creates a win-win if she can objectively describe the challenge, available options, and her recommendations for resolution. First, she gets Larry in the loop. He’s unaware of the consequences of his actions. Let him know that his subordinates feel shut out of the process; that her intervention makes the situation worse instead of better. If Larry prefers to delegate to her as before, she recommends that he include her on the management team, with the title, authority, and salary commensurate with the position.  Whatever decisions Larry makes, Mary has responded proactively, assertively, and responsibly. She’ll know where she stands and can make better-informed career decisions going forward.

And Larry, if you’re reading this, you have time to turn situations like these around before the economy does the job for you. Change your paradigm and you can change negative outcomes to positive results.

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Yes! You may use this article in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at www.thecoachingassociation.com.

Advice for the Advice-Giver

If you’re a frequent reader, you know that I typically offer advice to job seekers, providing strategies for getting and keeping jobs. I often suggest they contact you, as possible references, networking contacts, and prospective employers, and in turn, ask that when you offer your wisdom and perspective you’re doing it to help them stay on the road and out of the ruts they inevitably encounter.

It occurred to me that you might want a little advice too; about how to handle these calls, particularly the ones you’d rather not get, and to remind you that their job search is not your burden. Getting a job is up to them, not up to you. With that in mind and if it helps, here are some tactics you might want to consider when asked to perform a service you’d rather not do.

If you get a call from an acquaintance, a friend, or relative of a friend, who asks you to serve as a reference, pause. And in that pause, ask a few questions.

“I appreciate your considering me as a reference. Let’s talk about the kind of job you’re looking for so I can determine if I’m the right person to help you.”

Listen to caller’s response. If it’s fuzzy, incomplete, or ill considered, suggest that he clarify his objective (or rationale) and get back to you. If he does, and can make a good case for the job he seeks, indicate that you will be his reference with this qualification: “I am pleased to speak on your behalf. I will describe to the prospective employer how I know you and the degree to which I am aware of your experience and expertise. Will that work for you?” Whether it does or doesn’t, you’ve demonstrated care and consideration.

If the caller is someone who has worked for you in the past, whose social skills are impeccable, and skill sets are not, and you believe that she is better suited to different line of work than that to which she is applying, say so. And suggest that she ask her other references for feedback regarding her current objective. If you’re outnumbered, let her know that the other references would do a better job for her than you would.

If the person calling is someone who has worked for you in the past, whose skill sets are impeccable and social skills aren’t, ask what he has done to improve in that regard. If he indicates a targeted effort with positive response, indicate that you will speak positively about his technical prowess and that you are pleased to hear that he is becoming more effective in his communication style. Suggest that he would do well to have additional references who can speak to that aspect of his performance.

Use the same degree of honestly and cordiality with those who would ask to network with you. If you are open to the possibility, ask how you might be a resource. If the person doesn’t know, you may be in for a long meeting in which you do all the work. Instead, ask her to get back to you with a plan. If she does, and is clear about the outcome she intends be sure you’re comfortable with it. If you’re not, you’ll unwittingly un-do the good will and time you have expended.

On behalf of job seekers who respectfully ask their references for permission, and their networking contacts for time and perspective; to those of you who so graciously assist them, thank you. Thank you for working with them, encouraging them, and telling them the truth.

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Yes! You may use this article in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since she started he own practice in 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.

Own Your Mistakes: Actions Bring Consequences

If you’re like many hard drivers, you can be more than a little defensive when criticized for something you’ve said or done.

“What do you mean, I’m defensive? I’m just explaining what happened and why I did what I did!”

“That’s what I mean, you’re acting defensive. Just admit that you were rude this morning. I was in the middle of an important presentation and you cut me off.”

“Rude? How was I rude? You were taking forever. I jumped in to keep from falling asleep. Besides, how can an explanation be defensive? You’re the one who’s acting defensive because you just don’t want to hear the truth. You know who’s rude? You’re rude! I don’t know why I’m even wasting my time explaining this to you.”

Joe, you’re boldly going where you ought not to go, attempting to right a perceived wrong by arguing your way out of it. If you continue, you’ll create a bigger problem than the one you started.

“What am I supposed to do? Apologize for something that I didn’t intend, something that others balloon out of proportion?”

It’s your actions that get you in trouble, not your intentions. Actions have consequences. Apologize for the actions that you take that result in the consequences you don’t intend.

“How’s that? I don’t follow you.”

Instead of arguing, defending, or explaining, say something like, “I can understand why you felt that I was rude. I got carried away and interrupted when you were in the middle of making your point. I apologize.”

“That’s true. I did that. I got so excited I didn’t pay attention to what she was saying or what was going on around me. She’s right. I was rude. I didn’t mean to be. I’m feeling kind of embarrassed right now.”

Will you apologize?

“Sure, no problem.”

There are times you’re asked to explain things that you’d rather avoid, like “why were you let go from that job?” Cut to the chase. State what happened and describe what you learned.

“I learned two important lessons from that experience. The first: have more than one mentor in a company that’s undergoing major change, and the second: get experience in more than one area of specialization. By having more than one mentor I’ll be more aware of the influences that can impact my position. By cross training I’ll have greater flexibility and opportunity to add value, particularly if I can move from an area that’s being consolidated to one that’s expanding.”

There are times you think you’re funny and you’re not.

“Jack, you made a serious mistake when you told that joke in the staff meeting. It was crude and insulting. You know we don’t tolerate that around here.”

“You’ve got to be kidding! Everyone knew I was joking. Everyone was laughing! Besides, I’m not the only one who talks like that and you know it. I’m not taking the fall for this.”

“Stop arguing and just admit you made a mistake.”

“I’m not going to admit anything. You people are too sensitive. You’re always looking for a problem when there isn’t one. So I told a joke. It was funny. Get over it.”

“You people? Where are you going with this, Jack?”

Jack’s taking an error in judgment and escalating it to a problem of potentially damaging proportion.

“OK, so what was I supposed to do? I knew the conversation with my boss was getting out of control but I couldn’t seem to stop myself.”

Own your mistakes, whether they’re tactical or strategic, personal or professional. If you don’t step up, quickly and honestly, others will force you to, and it won’t be pretty.

“OK, I hear you, but what can I say?”

“I apologize and I’ll apologize to the people who were there. We were all laughing and story telling and I didn’t think. I learned a good lesson. A joke isn’t funny if it’s at someone’s expense.”

Your boss is likely to accept your statement and move on, unless you do it again. Trample on people’s rights, show disrespect, act with incivility, and no amount of quick talking apologizing will get you off the hook. Pay now or pay later. You choose.

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Yes! You may use this article in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.

Take Time, Take Charge: Do Circumstances Block Your Way?

The answer lies somewhere in the pause.

How many situations have you made worse because you stepped in where you weren’t needed, said more when less was enough, and offered opinions when none were requested?

How many times do you wish you’d said more, because less wasn’t enough? When you wish you’d offered a kind word or a statement of support?

There is nothing heroic about speaking first if speaking last is the wiser choice. There is no grace in turning away, when everything within you says, “do something, now.”

There is no valor in taking action when none is needed; in making decisions when consideration is all that is required. There is no merit in taking control when control is not yours to take.

The answer, sometimes, is in the hesitation, the afterthought that was the right thought, after all.

A business owner complained, repeatedly, of having too much to do and not enough time to think. “I need time to set strategy,” he said. “I need time to meet with my employees and my customers. This ‘crisis management’ is killing me and killing my business.”

He called the other day. “Bummer!” he shouted, before saying hello. “Can you believe this? Our biggest project has been delayed, and now I’m sitting here with time on my hands and nothing to do. This wait is gonna’ kill me.”

When I reminded him of the strategy he so desperately wanted to set, the employees and customers he so urgently wanted to see, he didn’t respond. I asked to be sure he was still on the line.

“I’m here”, he said quietly. “I’m here.” More silence.

“I’m thinking. I’m thinking that it didn’t occur to me that this is my chance to take care of what I’ve put to the side. Gotta’ go. I’ll talk to you later.”

A few weeks passed, and he called again. He sounded great, his voice mellow, his tone relaxed. I shared my impression and asked him to account for the change.

“I didn’t realize I was so transparent, but I’m not surprised. I’ve had a great couple of weeks. I’ve had the time to do that “walk around” managing I’ve always enjoyed, and I learned more about our problems then I ever knew existed. The management and leadership teams have had meetings with production employees from each shift, so we can learn from the shop floor up, what we can do to work smarter.

We’ve gotten manufacturing, quality, sales, distribution, and customer service talking to each other, and not a minute too soon. They’re getting their problems figured out, and have scheduled time to talk with product development and marketing. Then I’ve got all of them talking with accounting, finance and legal so we can be sure to align our perspectives and positions with missions and direction.

I’m working as hard as ever but haven’t felt this good in years. I think this is what they call ‘business balance’.”

I asked if he noticed any change in the behaviors or attitudes of his employees.

“Absolutely.” he said. “Everyone seems to have more energy. They’re getting along. I didn’t realize how bad morale was until we started this.”

“And what’s the most significant change you see?” I asked.

“We’re taking time to analyze the situation and solve what the problem is, not what it appears to be. We’re taking time to listen to what people are saying, instead of assuming that we know without they’re telling us. We’re listening to our customers and responding to what they need instead of making excuses to cover the mistakes we’re making.”

If you’re like this hard-charger, you’re addicted to work and want to do it all. You won’t stop and don’t think until circumstances block your way. Then you blame yourself for the things you’ve left undone, and turn worry into problems of mythic proportion. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Take time to take charge of your life and your business. Create mental and emotional space; gain perspective by taking stock; evaluate the inventory of what you’ve learned and make principled decisions that are based on doing the right things, for the right reasons.

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Yes! You may use this article by Executive and Career Coach, Joyce Richman, in your blog, ezine or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.

Professional Maturity vs. Social Sophistication

He said that he was impatient, hard driving, focused, bottom-line. That he had trouble with people who wanted to think aloud, taking everyone’s time, noodling about what ought to have been immediately clear to everyone present. That his idea was good, it was the right thing to do and the right time to do it. So, he did what any clear thinking person would have done, he blew up. Well, not totally. But he did say in very emphatic terms that he wouldn’t sit through these interminable meetings and have his time wasted by individuals who didn’t know enough to speak intelligently about the subject at hand. With that, he left the room.

He thought the subject was closed. He made his point. What was left to say? Plenty, apparently. He was informed that he was to apologize, immediately, to the management team, or be denied the promotion and salary increase that he had so long worked to attain.

He was willing to meet, he said, to explain his position. “Not good enough,” he was told.

“Why should I apologize?” he screamed into the ear that I was holding at a respectful distance from the telephone receiver. “Why am I the bad guy and these idiots get away with making it so? Why should my career be threatened because they don’t know the truth when it smacks them in the head and kicks them in the behind?”

“Do you want me to respond or do you want to keep venting?” I asked.

“I want to know how to answer them without feeling like I’m giving in,” he said. “I want to explain myself. I realize I was too emotional. But I won’t apologize for anything else.”

“What’s your ‘end’ in mind,” I asked. “What do you want to have happen as a result of that conversation?”

Silence. I didn’t hear him breathe.

“Good question,” he said. “And I don’t have an answer.”

I knew then he was ready to listen.

“Being ‘right’ isn’t reason enough to demand that others agree with you. Being ‘right’ isn’t sufficient cause for others to abandon their perspective.”

“Okay. Maybe you’re right. What am I supposed to do? I’ve got integrity and I won’t compromise it to pander to people I don’t respect.”

“If you don’t respect the people on your team, why are you working for that company?”

“I misspoke. I do respect them. They’re smart, they’re smooth, and they’re sophisticated. To tell the truth, and I hadn’t thought about this until just now, I don’t think they respect me. That’s why I get angry.”

“Why wouldn’t they respect you?”

“Well, they went to ivy-league schools and have advanced degrees. They know how to dress, and what to say. They pick the right restaurants and choose the right wines. They’ve got class. I don’t. I didn’t get that in my house. Believe me, I wouldn’t trade my parents or my life, because that’s how I’ve gotten as far as I have, but I sure could use a little more polish.”

“What would polish do for you?”

“I’d be more patient, more understanding, I’d listen better because I wouldn’t feel like I always have to prove myself.”

“What do you have to prove?”

“That I have a right to be in the room. I have a right to a seat at the table. And I’ll fight for that right because I’ve earned it and I’m not going back to how I lived or where I lived, ever again.”

“It sounds like fighting for that right will guarantee you a ticket to where you don’t want to go.”

“Looks like it.”

“You’re smart, you’re quick, you connect the dots while others are still arranging them on the paper. You’re creative and passionate. You have everything that you need to succeed but…”

“But?”

“You have lessons to learn:  There are more ways than your way to solve problems, craft visions, and initiate processes. You can be intelligent and have viewpoints that add value and not be demeaning to others. It’s about professional maturity, not social sophistication.”

“It’s about winning as a team and beating the competition instead of beating up the team and losing my chance to play.”

“You’ve got it.”

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Yes! You may use this article by Executive and Career Coach, Joyce Richman, in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executiveand career coaching since 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.

My Boss and I Absolutely Do Not Get Along!

A reader asks this question:

“I have an ordeal I’m dealing with and need your advice. I’ve been at my current position for one year and greatly enjoy the people I work with except for my boss. We don’t click at all. It seems like I can never do one thing to please her. I’m in my 20′s and she’s twice my age. I have an undergraduate degree and she has an advanced degree. I watch the way she interacts with the other people in the office who have higher degrees and she gets along with everyone of them BUT me. If she calls me and I’m not at my desk or I’m on the phone she assumes that I’m not here. Its like that constantly. She belittles me in front of others and sends me rude emails. I need to know how to handle her and this situation. I’ve tried talking to her in the past but she blows up and says she doesn’t want to hear about it. Can you help?”

~ M. P. in Anywhere City, USA

A: You sound like you want to make this work despite describing a boss who sounds like a cross between the Wicked Witch of the West and Cinderella’s stepmother. She doesn’t appreciate or value your work and likes everyone in the office, but you. I’m not sure where your motivation to succeed is coming from, but I’m glad you’ve got it. Now, let’s get to work.

You’ve noticed that your boss gets along with everyone but you, so I’m assuming you work in a fairly small office. I mention that because your boss has chosen to communicate with you via telephone or email. She even rejected your suggestion to meet and clear the air. So, why is she throwing darts from long distance?

What you know: She doesn’t like your job performance.

What you don’t know: Why she doesn’t like it.

You have a hunch that your problems are connected to what sets you two apart: age and education. You could be onto something. If your boss believes you’re not performing your job as a mature, responsible, educated adult should (as mature, responsible, and almost as educated as she sees herself) then she’d be aggravated with you. That doesn’t mean that she’s right in her perceptions but she has the right to have them.

You mentioned that she assumes you’re not working when you’re away from your desk or on the phone. She could reasonably conclude that you’re using office time to do things other than what she has assigned. (It’s that perception thing again.)

How can you change her perceptions? Change your behaviors. Provide your boss a daily status report on your assignments. If you’re ahead of schedule (which may be why you’re on the phone or away from your desk), let her know and ask how you can be of additional assistance to her and the department.

You’ve observed that your boss gets along better with office mates who have advanced degrees. Her attitude may have more to do with different work styles than differences in intellect. In short, she gets along better with people who see the world as she does, and you may see the world differently. Here’s a hypothetical example: let’s say your boss plays by the rules, is a stickler for details and deadlines, and gets anxious if you don’t share her concerns. She might call you a sloppy, slacking, screw-up (you mentioned her belittling comments and rude emails).

On the other hand, you may be a creative person who loves variety and flexibility, and believe that doing things with flair and style are more satisfying than getting them done on time. You’re not into details, you’re into possibilities! That’s a conflict waiting to happen.

You mention there are several co-workers that get along with you and your boss. They’re in a position to see what you miss. Ask them to respond candidly to three questions:

I want to be more effective in my job and get along better with my boss. What should I stop doing, start doing, and continue to do?

Now take your positive energy and get to work!

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Yes! You may use this article by Executive and Career Coach, Joyce Richman, in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since she started he own practice in 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.

Is the “Tough Gal” on the Derailment Track?

This gal is tough. She’s smart, quick, aggressive, and focused. You better know what you’re doing or she’ll nail you, whether you’re in a meeting with clients or sitting down with your boss and the CEO.

She’s arrogant. She swaggers when she talks, and she’s dismissive of any opinion that doesn’t agree with hers. She keeps her job because she delivers. She keeps her promises and she makes money.

Her peers, subordinates, even her bosses find her hard to take, and she succeeds despite them, probably because she keeps getting promoted. There’s no holding her back and no one wants to. “Let her make money and stress out somebody else.”

But is she a bad employee? A negative influence? Since it’s all in the eyes of the beholders, let’s talk to a few of them and get their fix on the situation:

A direct report says, “As a woman, I like having a woman boss and I like the fact that she’s strong. Yes, she can be over powering, and yes, she can be intimidating, and yes, she plays like the big boys, and I like that. I can learn from her, a lot of women can learn from her. Is she perfect? Far from it. She expects a great deal of herself, and expects too much from us. She has the energy and capacity to work 24/7 without acting frazzled or looking frayed around the edges. She wants us to keep up, and not complain about the pace and standard she sets. We can’t do either. Many of us have families and commitments that require our off the clock time and attention.

I’ve learned how to work with her. I know that she likes people who aren’t afraid of her, who have well formed opinions and can tell her what they are, without exaggeration or hesitation. She doesn’t respect anyone who holds back.

I’ve learned not to complain, but to set boundaries, and it works. I’m clear about what I can and cannot do. If she overloads me, making every assignment sound like a three-alarm fire, I outline what she’s already told me to do and ask her to prioritize. She immediately tells me what’s the hottest on the list, and I deliver.

When she pushes too hard, and I protest firmly, with good humor, she’ll back off, but just for a while. Then she’s back at it. I’m glad she works here and glad I’ve had the opportunity to work for her. I’m stronger (and exhausted) for the experience.”

A peer says: “She’s difficult and uncompromising and I’m surprised that she gets away with it. Until recently we’ve not had any women in upper management so the leadership team may be accommodating her style by giving her more room than she deserves. She may intimidate them. Not by her intelligence, as smart as she is, but by the number of women in support roles who think she’s the standard bearer of gender equality.

If I were her boss, I’d set her straight. She’s rude, impatient, and whether she admits it or not, she doesn’t have all the answers. I’ll wait her out. I bet she’s gone in a year.”

Her boss says: “She’s can be edgy and abrupt, no doubt about it, and we’ve got her working with a coach for just those reasons. The good news is, she doesn’t take herself too seriously, has a sharp sense of humor, and holds her own, whatever the topic.

She’s tough as nails but I tell you, she gets what she goes after, for the company as well as for herself. I’ve seen her jump all over a poor performer and protect someone who’s going through a bad patch. We’re lucky she’s working for us and not the competition. We’ll do what it takes to keep her.”

What’s the sum?

If you deliver what you promise, improve the bottom line, give employees what they need and challenge them to do their best, you’re a keeper. If you withhold support, training, and positive leadership, spend more than you make, insult more than a few people along the way, and think you’re always right, you’re on track for derailment.

Any questions?

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Yes! You may use this article by Executive and Career Coach, Joyce Richman, in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.

Placing Our Challenges in a Time Capsule

Time Capsules. Why would anyone in 2110 be interested in what we did or thought in 2010 if no one seems to care about what we’re thinking or doing right now.

“That? We did that.” “Been there, done that.” “Oh no, not that!”

Are they likely to be intrigued by the artifacts of our technology? Influenced by the incivility of our interactions? Impressed by the chaotic management of our business processes?

We haven’t done a great job of learning from the past and here we are, sending a message to the future. That’s taking procrastination to a whole new level.

Instead of boxing up a time capsule of errors and omissions for an unknown generation some 100 years hence; let’s create time release capsules and open them often, consistently, and over time while we can still do something about the challenges we face.

What should be included? How about:

The best ideas of the week and why they worked. Names of the people with the best ideas and how they got their points across. Names of the best implementation teams of the week and how they did what they did to deserve the honor.

Another week’s worth could be:

The biggest blindsides of the week and steps you’ve taken to correct them. The biggest blindspots you have and what you’re doing to reduce them. The biggest blinders you wear and what you’re doing to remove them.

And a third week’s worth:

The best leads of the week and who got them, the best deals of the week and who did them, the best saves of the week and who made them.

Opening the capsule now enables you to learn from an immediate past to avoid repeating errors, to confront what’s not working and replace it with what is, all while keeping an eye on future goals and objectives to achieve them.

If you don’t, you’re rehearsing mistakes to the point of forgetting that’s what they are. The most common problems you’re apt to encounter aren’t mechanical, they’re human. When a part breaks, you do whatever it takes to get it fixed. When the problem is your colleague, the human tendency is to wait, avoid, and hope the problem will go away. It won’t and will become increasingly difficult to handle.

Handle your problems now.

Keep your comments direct, descriptive, objective, and non- judgmental. Here’s an example:

You’ve become increasingly frustrated with a peer: “Our team meetings are always held on Wednesdays at 8:30 a.m. You’ve been a half hour late the last three times we’ve met. Because your project is key to our current change process we’ve not been able to begin the meeting without you. Your colleagues have indicated their frustration and it’s impacting your credibility. Let’s figure out how to make this work for everyone.”

Then use basic negotiation strategy: Get tough on the problem (and go easy on the person); find out what you don’t know; stay objective; brainstorm for solutions; decide on an action plan that benefits everyone involved.

It takes practice to get better at this “appropriate confrontation” stuff. That means starting now. Anything else is procrastination and belongs in a time capsule.

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Yes! You may use this article in your blog, website or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at www.thecoachingassociation.com.

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