Managing Up Mistakes

Tad was so busy managing up to his boss his subordinates fired him.

“You’re kidding me! What happened?”

Well, it’s the cautionary tale of a high-achieving, very focused fellow who knew the only place he wanted to go was up. With a combination of good grades, dazzling smile, and an ingratiating personality he easily gained acceptance to his first choice in undergraduate and graduate schools. He was first in his class and first of his classmates to get a mega dollar offer to join a mega dollar company and he grabbed it.

Everything was going according to plan. Right schools and right company; check, check. Buy the right car. Wear the right clothes. Date the right women. Marry the right one. Check, check, check and check.

“Enough already. What went wrong?”

Be patient. It’s Tad’s story and just the right length to fill this column.

As I was saying, Tad was doing exceedingly well. His early performance reviews were filled with praise, extolling his ability to both anticipate the needs of his superiors and to deliver on them. He rose quickly through the ranks; the youngest in the company to have achieved so much, so quickly and so well.

“What did he do to mess up? Lie? Cheat? Steal?”

He did none of those things. It wasn’t his style because it wasn’t his boss’s style and one thing our erstwhile star could do better than most was to figure out what was in style. This was a company built on the traditions of honesty, trust and respect. They envisioned themselves the gold standard in the practice of those values and that’s what they rewarded.

And that’s why Tad (that’s not his real name) told his boss, and his boss’s boss, everyday in everyway, that he was the most honest, fair-playing, trustworthy, respectful guy that ever there was or ever could be. He made sure that he referenced those values in public presentations, private meetings, in front of power brokers, and behind closed doors.

He made sure that everyone who was anyone knew who he was, how smart he was, and where he intended to go in his company. And he would have succeeded….

“If…”

If he had put aside his strutting, salivating, and self-promoting self long enough to remember he had subordinates.

Tad was a tad self-absorbed. He wasn’t mean, vindictive, insulting, or cruel. His crimes were of omission, not commission. He was so narrowly focused on advancing his career that he ignored his responsibilities to his team.

And as a result they were failing. Tad was an indecisive boss with an ambiguous leadership style. He was inattentive, disconnected, and consistent only in his maddening ability to procrastinate direction setting, goals and metrics.

His subordinates would ask for assessment, expectations, strategy, and support and Tad was too busy to comply. He had people to see and places to go and it was always without them. Tad’s lust for self- aggrandizement left a vacuum of trust in its wake. Something was bound to happen and it wouldn’t be pretty.

“What was it? Tell me quick, we’re running out of column space!”

Well, Andy ratted him out.

“Who’s Andy?”

Andy was the mail courier and the owner’s grandson, Andrew the Third, unknown heir to the corporate throne. Andy had secretly convinced his grandfather that the only way to learn the business was from the mailroom up.  As the “kid from the mail room” he was able to unobtrusively study people and performance.

Andrew reported his observations to his grandfather who in turn interviewed Tad’s employees, who validated Andy’s perceptions, and in the time it takes to stamp a letter Tad was gone.

Andrew is now Vice President of Employee Relations. Tad’s still looking for a job.

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Yes! You may use this article in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since she started he own practice in 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.

Fired. What Went Wrong?

If you’re looking for a job and don’t know why you lost your last one, pause.

You have a chance to go back to square one.

“I don’t want to go back to where I’ve been. I’d rather put the past behind me. If I keep thinking about why I got fired I won’t have the courage to get another job.”

That makes sense. You don’t want to start second guessing yourself and as a consequence, lose your confidence.

“That’s right. So, if you don’t mind, step aside, I’m going to keep looking…”

Aren’t you the least bit curious? What if the same situation occurs and you respond the way you did the last time. Do you want to repeat history?

“My boss treated me unfairly. OK? This time around I’m going to be sure I get a better boss.”

How are you going to make that happen?

“I don’t know. I haven’t figured that out. I guess I’ll just go with my gut.”

How did your gut treat you last time?

“Not very well. I thought I was working for a great guy until I realized that he wasn’t telling me the truth.”

Your boss lied to you?

“Let’s just say he made me think I was doing fine. He didn’t tell me that I was in trouble until I was in too deep to dig my way out. What kills me is that I started out great. He even told me so.”

What happened?

“You’re going to make me tell this story, aren’t you?”

If you don’t learn from past …

“I know, I know. I have a bad habit of repeating behaviors that get me in trouble. OK. Here goes…

I’m a quick learner. Show me once or tell me once, and I’ve got it. I was on the job a few weeks and I was able to complete my work in half the time it took everyone else. My boss acted like I hung the moon. He bragged about me to his peers and talked like he got a star when he hired me.

Sorry to say, I get bored quickly. I just didn’t have enough to keep me busy so to occupy myself I’d read the newspaper. A co-worker said she thought I could get into trouble doing that and if I wanted something to do I could do some of her work. I jumped on it. Pretty soon I was doing my job and most of hers. She’d go home early and tend to her kids. Pretty soon the word got around that I was a soft touch. Ask me to do something and I would. After a while I was doing the work of most of the department. Instead of getting thanks and appreciation, I got more dumped on me. Pretty soon I was fed up with the whole bunch of them. I stopped doing their work, went back to just doing mine, and went back to reading the newspaper.

It wasn’t long after that I had an inkling my boss was dissatisfied with the situation. I naturally assumed that he was ticked off by the people who had sloughed their work off onto me. I expected him to lay them out and thank me for going the extra mile for the team.

I waited. And waited. It didn’t happen. I thought he needed some urging. So I started coming in late, doing my work, and leaving early. Just to prove how smart I was and how slow they were. I figured he’d give me a promotion or at least a raise.

It didn’t happen. Instead, and I still don’t get this, he fired me.”

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Yes! You may use this article in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since she started he own practice in 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.

A Cautionary Tale

I typically dedicate this column to active job seekers, providing strategies, techniques, and best practices to enable them to reach the kind of outcomes that will be personally and professionally satisfying.

I got a call last week from Alex (not even close to his real name) who asked that I tell you his story. It’s not about how he’s looking for a job. It’s about why. Alex was fired four weeks ago. He wants to share his cautionary tale with you.
Alex is a mid level manager who describes himself as intelligent, hard working, and dedicated. He says he’s not the kind of person to whom people are naturally attracted. “I guess you’d call me colorless. I like to stay under the radar. I don’t argue. I don’t push back. I keep my head down and stay out of trouble.” He’s the first one at work and the last one to leave. The janitorial staff has gotten used to cleaning around him.

Alex doesn’t aspire to much more than what he’s doing but admits to being discouraged when promotions and increases don’t come his way. His average performance reviews describe him as “steady,” “reliable,” and “not apt to take risks.”

Alex admits he’s frustrated; he’s working harder and longer and getting less satisfaction from it. He supervises two people who do the minimum, leave at five, and appear to enjoy a very full and happy life.

Alex knows he’s out of balance. His wife told him so, in clear, unambiguous, and highly audible language. She’s said she’s tired of carrying all the responsibility for raising kids and keeping house. She’s tired of living like a single parent. She wants him home, not just to pick up the slack but to reawaken their relationship. They have three children. His kids call him Phantom and seem genuinely surprised and sometimes startled when they glimpse him during daylight hours.

“Why’s Dad home?” they say. “Did he get fired?” Kids can be prophetic.

When Alex is home (a few hours on a Sunday afternoon) he’s zonked out on the sofa in front of the giant TV he bought the family as a peace offering. They like the TV and plan their lives without him. Alex knows that things can’t stay as they are, that he works too many hours; but he’s afraid not to, afraid to fall behind.

“Is Dad divorcing us?”  That’s what Alex’s youngest son asks his mother. When she relays the question to Alex she’s playing more than the messenger. “We all want to know,” she said. “because if you are and nothing’s going to change, we need to make the arrangement permanent.”

Alex swears that he never saw it coming. “I know I sound insensitive, uninvolved, uncaring, everything you associate with absentee dads. I know I should have been more attentive. But everything I did, everything, was for them, for my wife and my kids. I thought they understood that.”

He doesn’t know what to do or say, so he responds the way he always has, he goes back to the office and works harder.
You can imagine his surprise when his boss greets him late one Friday afternoon to tell him, “Alex, this in your last day here.”

“Alex, you spend more time here than anyone else. I don’t know if you’re the hardest working employee we have. You’re definitely the most inefficient. You’re not managing your time and you’re not managing your subordinates. In twelve years you haven’t grown beyond where you were when you first came. You don’t lead, challenge, motivate, or empower anyone, yourself included. And at your level, that’s what we pay you to do. We’re doing you a favor, Alex. We’re letting you go.”

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Yes! You may use this article in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since she started he own practice in 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.

Change Your Behavior, Not Your Character

“I’m intimidating. I know it. I don’t like it. I’ve never known what to do about it. Believe me, I’ve tried. It’s my personality. My whole family’s like that. My mom’s direct and my father more so. My brothers and sisters are all competitive go-getters. We earned our stripes around the kitchen table. Every meal was a potluck of competing voices and spirited debates. We argued about everything you shouldn’t; from politics and religion, to obscure factoids and just plain nonsense. We loved it.  No surprise that everyone who grew up in our house is candid, opinionated, and brutally honest. The problem we’ve all encountered is that no one seems to like our opinions as much as we do.”

The caller had been terminated from a job she enjoyed and thought she was doing well. Her boss had consistently rated her as “exceeding expectations” and “high achieving”. She recalled being told that her overbearing style was “difficult” but it didn’t seem to be a big deal. She assumed that achievement outweighed style; that despite her argumentative nature, she actually cared what people thought.

She remembered another occasion when her boss had taken her aside and asked that she hold back in meetings and let others take the lead; that her colleagues were less apt to talk after she stated her opinion.  When that happened she thought it best to say less and keep a respectful distance. In her exit interview she was stunned to learn that her efforts at humility were interpreted as having “a demanding style and negative attitude that was punctuated by moodiness and thinly veiled hostility.”

She was frustrated, angry, hurt and confused.

“I don’t know how to fix this or if I can.  I’m afraid to take another job for fear of it happening again. Do other people have this problem? What can I do about it?

You’re not the only one. You have more company than you might imagine. And yes, you can you keep it from happening again if, and that’s a big, heavy-lifting if, you’re willing to 1) search for employment opportunities in organizational cultures that reward your strengths and value your personality style; 2) seek on-going objective, constructive feedback and coaching from a limited number of trusted sources so you can understand when and why your behaviors net negative reactions; 3) learn alternative responses that net positive outcomes.

In the meantime, consider the following, reevaluate your past actions, and choose more effective ways to relate and react to others.

Communicators who are as forceful, direct, and uncompromising as you describe yourself, should work with employees equally comfortable with that combative style. Therefore, stay away from jobs that require you to be a team player or a team leader. That’s not you. Stay away from jobs that require you to develop and learn from others. That’s not you either. You want a job that gives you the right to always be right, a trait as unpleasant to employers and co-workers as it is to prospective customers, clients, and vendors.

You can change your behavior without changing your character. You can be honest, open, and direct and bring out the best in others if you focus on them instead of yourself. You can learn patience, develop empathy, and demonstrate compassion without compromising quality, performance, or outcomes. You can learn to give others time and space to make their points without challenging or ridiculing them. You can learn to question perspective, not judge it. You can learn to invite expansive thinking and not limit or diminish creative response.

You have the makings of a leader and the style of a bully. Develop the former, forgo the latter and you have great potential for career success.

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Yes! You may use this article in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since she started he own practice in 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.

Learning from First Time Failure

We had just begun talking when my client started to cry.

“This is hard for me”, she said. “It’s the first time I can remember failing, totally, publicly, and despite my best efforts, not keep it from happening. I’ve tried so hard. I’m exhausted from the effort of trying.”

“I took this job for two foolish reasons. First, I accepted it because I was flattered.  I was ‘perfect for the position’, they said. ‘Exactly the person’ they sought. Yes, it would be a challenge, but with my ‘keen intelligence and natural talent’ it was a slam-dunk. I was so elated by their belief in me that I didn’t question their assessment of my abilities, nor did I question the scope of the assignment.

Second mistake: I accepted the position because it was a double- promotion and a big jump in pay. I would go from sharing one support person to managing a staff of seven. I would work with high profile, high visibility decision makers from other organizations. I’d have a big title, a glamorous job, and a corner office. I wanted it all.

At first I was overwhelmed, there was so much to learn, but I thought I was handling it. Time passed and I became increasingly uneasy, despite constant reminders that the information would fall into place. I’d be able to organize the work, delegate with ease, (after all, I had seven people at my disposal!) and succeed as I had in the past.

My anxiety didn’t go away. New information came at me at an alarming rate and unrelenting pace. I wasn’t assimilating, synthesizing, and organizing, I was panicking. The harder I worked the less I accomplished.

I’d come in early, stay late, and leave more confused and frustrated than when the day began. Weekdays and weekends blurred in my relentless effort to catch up, hang on, and keep my head above water.

Sunday nights were the worst; my stomach would knot, my head would pound. My husband begged me to quit. My mother said I worried too much. My father gave me “get tough” lectures and time management tapes.

My boss, who was at first so accessible, was nowhere to be found. When I would catch up with her and ask for more direction and clarity she said that was what she hired me to create. She said I was making it harder than it was, that all she wanted were broad- brush solutions to the big questions. I lost it and screamed at her, ‘What brush? What solutions? What questions?’

‘We’ll talk next week’, she said. And we did.

She apologized for recruiting me from the job I did so well, to a situation that was clearly beyond my abilities. She gave me a respectable severance, which was nice, given my brief stay, and wished me well.

“Here I am,” my client said, “stuck between the proverbial rock and hard place.  My confidence is shot, my self- esteem in shambles. I don’t want to make another mistake, yet I don’t want to limit my potential. What should I do?”

I knew she had the answers. She just needed someone to ask the right  questions.

“What will you do differently next time?” I asked.

“That’s easy, she said. “I’ll set aside ego, and ask the specifics of the job. If it sounds ambiguous, it probably is. I’ll clarify the goals, understand what’s expected of me, and be sure they know what my strengths are and what they aren’t.  Then I’ll listen to my gut. If the goals, the setting, and the people all connect with who I am and what I do best; if I can stretch in a way that makes sense for me, I’ll take the leap. If not, I’ll take a pass.

“Anything else?” I asked.

“Yes!” she said that a sigh. “I’ll set aside pride. I’ll ask for assistance when I need it, and delegate to others so they can learn and grow as well.

When you listen to, and communicate the wisdom within you, you are authentic.  When your specific strengths and values are in alignment with the goals and expectations of your boss and your company, you can achieve beyond expectation.

Handling Lay Offs & Being Fired on Your Resume

Whether you’ve been fired, laid off, or asked to leave your job without knowing why, you’re left with bigger problems than having nothing to do on Monday.

The following questions address those concerns:
Q: I was fired from my last job. Do I need to indicate that on my resume?
A: A resume is a condensed version of your work history that lists the companies you’ve worked, the positions you’ve held, and the jobs that you’ve done. To highlight your experience, include accomplishments that you’ve made. Do not include the tumbles, bumbles, and fumbles of why they asked you to leave.
Q: Every time an interviewer asks why I’ve left a job, I freeze. I know that I’ve left for the right reasons, but somehow they sound all wrong. Interviewers seem to think that I’ve been terminated, instead of leaving on my own. How can I change their mistaken impression of me?
A: It sounds like your confidence melts when you’re questioned about the wisdom of your choices. Your best defense is a good offense. Introduce the subject yourself and explain, simply and candidly, your decision making process.
Q: I’ve really been struggling to get work. I know why no one is hiring me:  I was terminated from my last job. I’m thinking seriously about not telling the truth and just saying that I left on my own. Can I get into serious trouble if I do that?
A: If hired and then found out, you can get fired for misrepresentation. How’s that for trouble? So you might want to rethink that option. While you’re at it, rethink the possibility that getting fired is what’s keeping you from getting a job. It may be something else, like the intense competition from a growing pool of the unemployed; applying for jobs that aren’t a good match; and/or ineffective interviewing. Rather than jumping to an uneasy conclusion (“I was fired”) and applying a dangerous consequence (“I’ll lie about it), work on the three areas you can control. 1. Apply for job opportunities that require your skills and abilities 2. Anticipate the tough questions you’ll be asked and 3. Be ready to respond to them openly, honestly, and with a candid self-awareness that indicates your maturity and firm grasp of reality.
Q: I was fired from my job and wanted to “learn from the experience”. I asked my boss for an explanation, but nothing he said made any sense to me. So, what did I learn? I learned that it makes no difference if you work hard or not, you can’t control the outcome. So, why bother trying? What do you think?
A: I think that you can’t control world conditions, the weather, the economy, and why people behave as they do. You can control your responses and your actions. Employers want employees with good people skills, who are focused, flexible, learn quickly and apply what they learn accurately. If you’re working hard but not making a difference, for yourself, or your company, you need to choose what to do about that. If you don’t, your company will inevitably do it for you.
Q: I’ve been in one field, with one company, for 15 years. Business is flat, I’ve been laid off, and my skills will soon be obsolete. What can I do for a living and how can I make a salary that’s consistent with what I’ve earned in the past?
A: You’ve rolled several challenges (outdated skills; make the same money; do something new) into one big question. I’ve rolled several responses into one big challenge.

1. Inventory your assets, strengths, and abilities. They’re all transferable. Find companies that want what you have.
2. Companies want employees who learn quickly and can quickly apply what they know. They want workers who are interpersonally savvy, appropriately self aware, flexible, resilient, efficient, and effective.
3. You’ll need courage, time and money to learn something new and to connect that learning to what you do best. You can earn your way back to a salary you can afford but you’ll not earn your way back to where you’ve been. The future won’t look like the past. It never has, it never will.