Sticky Interviews

In Made to Stick, Chip and Dan Health tell us that memorable stories, stories that stick, are simple, unexpected, concrete, credible, and emotional. The Heath brothers may not have consciously applied that perspective to the art of interviewing, but its well worth the effort.

An interview that works is memorable. It is complexity simplified; a conversation between equals that is grounded by unexpected clarity and purpose. It’s concrete; the speaker succinctly describing a learning experience in definable, quantifiable ways.

Simply told stories from experience evoke emotion, combine credibility with integrity and tell the truth about making a difference. They are straightforward, easily understood and easily remembered.

The employers’ predictable question, “Tell me about yourself”, invites the applicant to tell a story. Employers want to know what it is about you, what you do and how you do it, that can add value to what they need and why they need it. They want to know how you think and what motivates you to behave as you do. Your values are the underpinning of your actions and drive your behavior. Your behavior is the structure of your story. Have the courage, the insight, and the self- awareness to tell it.

As a career coach I’ve worked with people who want to find jobs, leave jobs, keep jobs, and change jobs. Those who find their way with the fewest energy draining detours are those who are open to possibility: possibility that there is more instead of less, that mistakes are opportunities to learn; that learning opportunities can be painful but the pain is time limited and the wisdom that’s accrued is worth the effort it takes to get there.

Those who succeed in what they do are satisfied with who they are yet want to be more than they have been. They are, among other things, curious. They ask themselves and others, “why?” Not just to challenge assumptions but to explore their world and expand their minds; to find answers, discover problems, and find answers to solve them. They want to learn because they know that it is there, attainable, and they want to understand it, learn from it, and grow from it.

Those who struggle, consistently struggle in their careers see life as a series of contests to be lost, closed doors and shuttered opportunities. Their world is limited by their view of it; rules, regulations, and policies that define not what they can, but what they cannot, dare not, do. They have adopted a scarcity mentality and communicate its negative philosophy at work, at home, and in the interviewer’s office. Their story is one of endings with no beginnings; a story the interviewer would rather forget than remember.

Interviewers don’t want to hear stories of can’t, won’t, don’t, he did it to me and she made me do it. They don’t want testimony from the helpless and hopeless. They don’t want to hire followers unless they’re willing to learn how to manage and lead others.

They want to know that potential employees trust and are trustworthy. That potential employees believe development is what enables and empowers others to achieve, that it benefits those with whom they work, who work for them, the customers they serve and the employer who invests in each employee with each pay- check and each opportunity.

They want you to tell them your story, your way, so they can remember it and tell others that you’re the one who can make a difference because you can, because you want to, because you’ve done it before and you want to do it again. For them.

Tell Your Story

The interviewer asks you to describe your strengths. You respond by reciting a ready list of tidy, scouts-honor phrases.

“I’m loyal, honest, hard-working….”

Are you making points with the interviewer? Probably not. She’s heard the same or something similar from everyone she’s asked. Rather than parrot words that may be true but sound like the National Anthem of all Job Seekers, advance your candidacy. Describe your attributes in ways that demonstrate your understanding of what those words mean to you and the circumstances in which they apply.

You are more than the sum of two or three words. Expand your responses so you’re more than a cliché. For practice’ sake, I’ve provided some examples. Tailor them so that your intentions match your impact. For example, if you typically say that you initiate, anticipate, and have integrity, create word pictures that tell your story. Here’s what I mean:

Initiate: When you initiate you capitalize on opportunity before the moment can pass. When you initiate effectively, you combine instinct, logic, and action and respond to all three. When you initiate you’re aware that consequences follow, that you learn, stretch, grow, make mistakes, and gain experience while developing a reputation as someone willing to take and manage risk.

Anticipate: Actions yield consequences. If you act on instinct without

considering consequence, your mistakes can outweigh your intentions. When you anticipate, you evaluate outcomes prior to creating them, improving your odds for long term and short- term success.

Integrity: Integrity is an inside-out process that integrates thought and

feeling, action and reaction.  It defines and clarifies what you value as important and are willing to defend without compromise. When you demonstrate integrity you conduct yourself accordingly and consistently, in all places and with all people.

Timeliness: If time is the currency of the workplace, your timeliness

describes how appropriately you spend it.  If time is a commodity, being timely dictates the value of your effort and the outcome of its worth. Spending time toward an end that benefits you at the expense of others, manipulates time. Utilizing time in ways that solve problems and achieve goals for all concerned is time well spent.

Loyalty: Loyalty is a demonstration of trust.  Trust in ones

employer is based upon an assumption of shared values and principles. Employees are perceived as loyal when they consistently behave in ways that mirror the observed behaviors, implicit beliefs, and effectively and efficiently respond to the expressed or unexpressed expectations of their leadership. Employees are seen as disloyal when those behaviors, beliefs, and expectations are ignored, questioned, or violated, consistently, and over time.

Employers are seen as loyal to their employees when they consistently communicate their intentions and reasonable expectations, do what they say they will, and tell the truth while demonstrating courage, conviction, and compassion.

Honesty: Honest people tell the truth as it is, not as they wish it

could be. They tell the truth to inform or persuade, not manipulate or conceal. Honest employees have agendas that are open to examination and clarification. They respond to criticism by focusing on solutions and common interests.

Strategic: Strategic thinkers consider, evaluate, and analyze potential as they envision future opportunity. They design and develop methodology to optimize that potential.

Tacticians respond to strategic vision by objectively modifying and codifying what must be done to achieve it.

Organized: Combining intellectual organization and

external structure enables you to prioritize importance and communicate findings, to take appropriate action or motivate others to do the same.

Respectful: Respectful employees are true to their personal preferences, values, and principles even as they show consideration for those whose opinions, perspectives, and orientations differ.

Accountable: Accountable employees consistently examine choices, acknowledge consequences, and own results.

Q&A

“I’m intimidating. I know it. I don’t like it. I’ve never known what to do about it. Believe me, I’ve tried. It’s my personality. My whole family’s like that. My mom’s direct and my father more so. My brothers and sisters are all competitive go-getters. We earned our stripes around the kitchen table. Every meal was a potluck of competing voices and spirited debates. We argued about everything you shouldn’t; from politics and religion, to obscure factoids and just plain nonsense. We loved it.  No surprise that everyone who grew up in our house is candid, opinionated, and brutally honest. The problem we’ve all encountered is that no one seems to like our opinions as much as we do.”

The caller had been terminated from a job she enjoyed and thought she was doing well. Her boss had consistently rated her as “exceeding expectations” and “high achieving”. She recalled being told that her overbearing style was “difficult” but it didn’t seem to be a big deal. She assumed that achievement outweighed style; that despite her argumentative nature, she actually cared what people thought.

She remembered another occasion when her boss had taken her aside and asked that she hold back in meetings and let others take the lead; that her colleagues were less apt to talk after she stated her opinion.  When that happened she thought it best to say less and keep a respectful distance. In her exit interview she was stunned to learn that her efforts at humility were interpreted as having  “a demanding style and negative attitude that was punctuated by moodiness and thinly veiled hostility.”

She was frustrated, angry, hurt and confused.

“I don’t know how to fix this or if I can.  I’m afraid to take another job for fear of it happening again. Do other people have this problem? What can I do about it?

You’re not the only one. You have more company than you might imagine. And yes, you can you keep it from happening again if , and that’s a big, heavy-lifting if, you’re willing to 1) search for employment opportunities in organizational cultures that reward your strengths and value your personality style; 2) seek on-going objective, constructive feedback and coaching from a limited number of trusted sources so you can understand when and why your behaviors net negative reactions; 3) learn alternative responses that net positive outcomes.

In the meantime, consider the following, reevaluate your past actions, and choose more effective ways to relate and react to others.

Communicators who are as forceful, direct, and uncompromising as you describe yourself, should work with employees equally comfortable with that combative style. Therefore, stay away from jobs that require you to be a team player or a team leader. That’s not you. Stay away from jobs that require you to develop and learn from others. That’s not you either. You want a job that gives you the right to always be right, a trait as unpleasant to employers and co-workers as it is to prospective customers, clients, and vendors.

You can change your behavior without changing your character. You can be honest, open, and direct and bring out the best in others if you focus on them instead of yourself. You can learn patience, develop empathy, and demonstrate compassion without compromising quality, performance, or outcomes. You can learn to give others time and space to make their points without challenging or ridiculing them. You can learn to question perspective, not judge it. You can learn to invite expansive thinking and not limit or diminish creative response.

You have the makings of a leader and the style of a bully. Develop the former, forgo the latter and you have great potential for career success.

Question: How do I find a job after prison?

Q: “I’ve recently been released from prison and want to get back into my profession. I’ve been trying to re-hone my skills but given my felony record am I just spinning my wheels? What do I say when I’m asked about the lapse in my employment

A:You’re not spinning your wheels, you will find employment, and you will have some real challenges ahead. Let’s start with the first hurdles to overcome, and go from there:

Responsible employers will not want to put you, their employees, or the public the company serves, into situations that create the perception, real or imagined, of danger. Therefore, sit down with your parole officer and counselor before you interview. Identify work environments and interpersonal situations to avoid and those that are appropriate to approach. Candidly discuss the reasonable, practical, and emotional concerns that prospective employers and their employees might have, given your recent history. Prepare yourself to respond to those fears in ways that not only demonstrate self-awareness, but also describe the conscious changes you’ve made in your behavior and your ability to respond to others.

Address the lapses in your employment history in a truthful and straightforward way. You mentioned “re-honing your skills”. Describe how you’ve continued your education during and following the time you were imprisoned; and the preparations you have made for the career direction you are taking.  Describe your past accomplishments and your ability to contribute to the future success of the company you’d like to join.

Your challenge, and it’s a big one, is getting the interviewer to focus on what you’re saying and not on where you’ve been and what got you there.

To accomplish that, address what concerns them most. Ask prospective employers to ask you any and all work related questions or concerns they have relative to your history in or out of prison. Ask them to describe the challenges they believe you will confront at their place of business. Then answer those concerns in an honest and forthright manner.

Q: I’m concerned about the application form. How can I answer the question about felonies so that my job application won’t get tossed as soon as my response is read?

A: Answer that question and every question truthfully. Will your application be tossed? It’s likely that it will. What can you do about it?

There’s more to all of us than can be demonstrated on an application or resume. Talk to the people who know you best, stood by you, and are willing to take a chance on you. Those individuals, directly or indirectly, may know people who hire people.

You’re asking for a chance to tell an employer your story: your work history, why you were arrested, what you’ve learned as a result, and your efforts to now make good on the rest of your life.

Q: How can I regain my self-respect? My confidence is gone. I’m afraid to get out there and tell my story. What can I do to move forward?

A: I’ve never been in your shoes. I cannot begin to know what you feel. But others have been there. Ask your parole officer and your counselor for help in finding individuals who have been able to make a successful transition and who would be willing to talk with you and counsel you through a very tough time.

I do know this. A comeback takes time, patience and incremental steps. It takes the capacity to accept responsibility and accountability for the choices that you’ve made in the past and will make in the future. It requires asking forgiveness from those you have, by intention or omission, caused physical pain or emotional suffering. It takes reaching out to those who are strong when you’re weak and tender when you’re hurt. It takes all that, and enough people who are willing to say, “I’ll give you another chance.”

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Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts conducted seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.

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