A: This reader describes several concerns at once: How can you fit in when your style is different from the people you work with? How can you be effective when you don’t feel accepted? Why aren’t people more accepting of others? And finally, does surviving several layoffs in the same company impact how you are perceived and received by others?

Fitting in when you don’t: Employers and job applicants should pay as much attention to matching the workplace culture as they do in matching skill sets to job requirements. Each should evaluate the opportunities, challenges, and likelihood of successful transition. Too often hurdles aren’t acknowledged, much less addressed, leaving old team members and new employees to struggle with conflicting workstyle preferences. (Tip: Read Working with Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman).

Not only is it difficult to feel effective when you don’t feel accepted, it’s frustrating and energy wasting when you have to spend more time getting along with others than in getting your job done. Unless you focus on blending your style with theirs you may in for a rough ride. (Tip: The boss doesn’t fire you, your colleagues do).

Accepting others and being accepted is requisite for good working relationships. For some, it happens almost immediately. For others it takes a longer time. How long is too long? It depends on who has to struggle with it.

What gets in the way? If how you look, talk, interact or relate with the boss or co-workers consistently deviates from the prevailing norm, you’re likely to get cut out of the herd. It doesn’t matter if that’s right or wrong, “behaving differently” costs. If you dress up in a dress down environment, or vice versa, you’ll stir up talk by barely trying. One-up a co-worker in front of the boss, and you’re bound to get a nasty reaction. Come in late when everyone comes in early, and you’ll be marginal in more ways than one.

Figure out the new culture by observing it. If you’re not sure what it is, or want to confirm your understanding of it, ask employees who seem connected, not those who look as outside the loop as you feel.

Speaking of other employees, do they have a responsibility in accepting new employees to the team? You bet they do.

High performing teams realize that the key to their professional success turns on everyone having the opportunity to achieve the group’s goals. To buy in you have to know what they are, why they exist, and the part you play in getting there. Trade-offs occur when one person is willing to help another. Trust evolves as individuals have consistently positive experiences with each other. You can’t ask new players to prove themselves as valuable contributors if you’re not willing to show them how your game is played.

On a final note:  surviving several downsizings can leave victors feeling victimized. They try to protect themselves from further damage by withdrawing from their colleagues. Help break the cycle. Reach out to each other and create community in the workplace. It sure beats whatever is in second place.

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Yes! You may use this article by Executive and Career Coach, Joyce Richman, in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since she started her own practice in 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada andEurope. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.

“With all this talk about layoffs, I’m so worried I can’t concentrate on my job. What can I do?”

The last thing you want to do is worry yourself out of a job. Change your unrealized fear from something you can’t control to something you can. Put together an employment emergency kit. Fill it with a financial plan, an updated resume, lists of contacts, and a personal inventory of strengths and work accomplishments. Then get back to work. That’s what your employer is paying you to do.

“What’s the difference between a merger and an acquisition? Am I safe in one and in jeopardy with the other?”

In business parlance a merger implies the coming together of equals. An acquisition suggests that the stronger (by whatever definition) has taken over the weaker. The true meaning and the outcome intended are in the minds of the players who cut the deal. Employees who are affected seldom know what that is. When are you safe? When you proactively direct and advance your own career.

“We’ve been laid off. None of us saw it coming and a bunch of us are angry and upset. If we interview now we’re going to blow it. We’ve got to find work, what can we do?”

Take advantage of your shared frustration and release your emotions with each other. The more you get out of your system, with safe people in safe places, the less apt you are to blow up where it’s not and when it isn’t. After you’ve finished venting (that can take a while) contact job seeker support groups in the area, where you can reframe your frustration into positive job search strategies.

“What three things do I need to know before I interview?”

There are more than three, but if I had to choose, they’d be:

Know what you do best and examples of when you’ve done it.

Know what you don’t do well, so that you won’t do it again.

Know what you’re looking for in a job (besides the money).

“What’s the difference between a strength and a skill? Which is more important?”

A strength is innate, a given, you have it without trying. You enhance your strengths by recognizing them (they’re not always as obvious as you might think) and expanding upon them. A skill is acquired. You learn it by study and repeated application. Strengths are immediately transferable, no waiting. Skills transfer, but may not be applicable. You need a combination of both. Proven success combines skills, strengths, and experience.

“How can you network if you don’t get out and meet anyone? I tend to be on the shy side and have never been a joiner. Help!”

You may not be a natural at networking, but you can learn the skills necessary for organizing one: Get together with like minded individuals (they like what you like and they’d go where you’d go, if you went anywhere). You’ve indicated that you don’t like to get out much. If you did, where would your interests take you? For example: If you were a reader, you would hang out in book stores, libraries, museums, and galleries. You would attend book reviews; book signings and book sales. You’d meet the people who attend, talk about mutual interests, and learn what they do, professionally. By describing your current job search you’d ask for suggestions of people you should meet and places you should go.

When you network with people who share your interests they send you looking in the right places.

“I’m over fifty! Who’s going to hire me?”

If you are emotionally and physically healthy, with a positive, energetic outlook, what’s not to like (or hire)? Companies are always in the market for stable, mature, nonjudgmental employees who know how to contribute to the workplace and come ready to work. What you may have given up in physical agility you’ve (hopefully) gained in wisdom and insight. As long as you don’t sign on as a contortionist in the circus, you’re a good bet as a new hire.

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Yes! You may use this article by Executive and Career Coach, Joyce Richman, in your blog, article in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since she started her own practice in 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.

Begin by confronting your feelings. You’re going through a difficult experience and it’s natural to be bombarded with a variety of emotions, everything from disorientation to denial; guilt to grief.  Be patient with yourself. You can’t rush feelings; they unfold in their own time. So deal with them, and they’ll pass, even though it’s slow going.

You may get in a habit of sleeping in or hiding out. Whatever you call it, it’s time to rejoin the living. One of the best routes to reentry is through exercise, which is as good for your head as it is for your heart and all your other parts. Whether you power lift at the gym or power walk in the neighborhood you’ll start feeling better about yourself.

Once your energy’s returned and your optimism restored, you’re ready to launch your search. There’s plenty to do, so dig in.  Start with your resume. Organize your information in reverse chronological order, listing job titles, locations, employment dates, duties and responsibilities. Quantify your accomplishments.

Next, write a basic cover letter that accompanies your resume. You can customize it later. Keep it simple with three brief paragraphs: The purpose (the reason you’re sending a resume), rationale (how your experience demonstrates you’re the one for the job), and expectation (the date you’ll call to secure the interview). That’s it.

Now you’re ready to Network. Let your friends and acquaintances know that you are looking for a job by describing what you want to do and why you’re good at doing it. Ask for suggestions of people to contact, and offer to keep in touch regarding your progress.

Prioritizing and time management will offset procrastination. Know what’s most important, make a plan, then do what you find most difficult, first, what you find easiest, last, and stick with the program five days out of seven. You’ll have the weekend to do it the other way around.

Next on your list of must do’s: What do you want in your next job? For some, it’s more of the same, for others, it’s a clean break from the past. If you’re heading down a trail you’ve never been before, you’ll benefit from the advice of those who have already completed the journey as well as those whose business it is to advise about such things. Once you get the direction sorted out, describe it to others in ways they can understand so they can help you get there.

Now it’s time to make a list of individuals who can directly or indirectly connect you to the job you want. Who are the people who know people who hire people? Here are a few ideas to jump start your thinking: the person you sit next to at a ball game, religious service, concert, or dinner party. The person you typically stand next to at a soccer match, meet in the grocery store, or visit at a coffee shop. Former or current classmates, work mates, play mates. And what do you say after you ask them how they, their kids and the job is doing? If you’re changing career paths, try something like this:

“I’ve given a lot of thought to my next career move and what I want to do: (describe what it is and why you’d do well). I’d like to speak with people who do similar work and who enjoy it. They might know of businesses that could benefit from my interest and abilities. Who do you suggest that I contact?”

For every setback we experience, we learn important lessons about life and about ourselves. It takes courage to do something productive with what we learn.

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Yes! You may use this article in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at www.thecoachingassociation.com.

He’s just been laid off and never saw it coming.

He was starting to think about retirement. Not that he wanted to, but he was losing his edge; slower than he liked, more forgetful, less enthusiastic. It took energy to be enthusiastic. He’d need to save his energy for nights that he worked late.

Retirement’s gone. He’s been laid off. Now he needs to get a job.

***

If this sounds familiar, it is, and you’re not alone. The good news is, you can get your bearings, you can figure this out if you use your time and energy wisely and think differently than you have before. To get the next job you’ll need to connect with people you haven’t paid attention to in a very long while.

Rejoin your family. You need them to welcome you home. You’ll need to be as vital to them as you’ll soon find they are to you. You’ll want to have a place to be and a role to play. You’ll need to be a wise listener; an empowering husband, and an encouraging father. You want to learn about their life’s lessons, their struggles, and their successes so they’ll want to care about yours.

Take your time and stay the course. It won’t happen overnight. You worked your way out of their lives, you’ll have to earn your way back in, one day at a time.

Rejoin your community. Learn how to connect so you’ll know where to contribute. When you combine who you naturally are, with what you inherently do, and where that combination is needed most, and you give fully of yourself, you will get more in return than you can possibly anticipate.

Expand your thinking. When is the last time you read a book because you wanted to? If it’s been a long time (or you’ve never been a reader) you’re in for quite a surprise. There’s a world of information waiting for you. Explore and experience learning where other people go to learn. Go to the library, go back to school, go to a play, go to concert, google.

Take care of your heart, your head and your feet. If you’ve avoided check-ups because doctors tell you what you don’t want to hear, check-in. Tell them you’re ready to listen. And if they say it’s OK, lace up your shoes and take a brisk walk. Walk alongside babies in strollers, and dogs on leashes. Wave at children on swings and families on cookouts.

There are extraordinary ordinary people in this world who are ready and willing to assist you in your job search if you will let them know that they are important to you. Not because of what they do, but because of who they are.

* * * *

Yes! You may use this article in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at www.thecoachingassociation.com.

Wait for traffic to clear: The last time the economy went south and took employment with it, significant numbers of twenty and thirty-somethings, caught between too many layoffs and too few jobs, sat it out by applying to graduate schools, and  schools of medicine and law. If they finished their respective programs (many did not),  they ran into some unexpected obstacles. They had either glutted the market they gambled on and there were no positions available, or they didn’t want the jobs for which the degree prepared them. Instead of getting ahead of the game, they lost time, money, and momentum.

This a great time to enhance your education, just do it wisely and do it without dropping out of the workforce. Take courses that improve your ability to do what you do best, talk to industry insiders, network with heavy hitters who have gone where you want to go. Think they won’t talk to you? Give it a try. It’s likely they have more time and readiness to talk now, when the market is flat, than when they’re too busy to give a rip.

Stay employed.If you can’t get the job you want, deal with it by finding work that enables you to cross train in your industry, area of specialization, or allied field.  What’s the advantage? You’ve increased your arena of experience, your marketablity, and your workplace credibility. With increased employment flexibility you’re likely to stay employed longer.

Stay alert. Watch out for pot holes, like lower salaries and fewer benefits. In an effort to stay afloat without major layoffs, businesses are cutting payroll by offering less in salaries, wages, and bonuses. Take it in stride. When the economy turns around, salaries and perks will slowly rebound. Here’s why:  

Many employees are waiting out the recession, holding onto jobs they need but don’t want, working for companies or bosses they don’t like. As soon as the economic tides shift, and jobs become available, so will they. Companies will respond accordingly, competing with increased salaries and improved benefits.

Employer nerves are frayed, and for good reason. They’re doing whatever they can to stay in business, keep the creditors at bay, and their employees working.  Yet, try as they might, they don’t feel valued for their efforts. If anything, they feel that employees want for more than they can give. Instead of appreciating the fact that they’re employed, they complain about longer hours and shorter pay.  They don’t seem to realize that the alternative is the unemployment line. Instead of seeing a loyal work force, they see one that is tentative at best, and struggling at worst.

On the other hand, some employees aren’t feeling too charitable about their employers, and for good reason. Every day feels like “what have you done for me lately?” They’re working more because their co-workers have been laid off and they haven’t the good will or energy to put up with the stress of wondering “Will I be the next one to go?”

Embattled employers will do well to see their employees as a lifeline to the future. The company may not be able to pay them more or work them less. They can let them know in countless and creative ways that their work makes a difference, and that the business is surviving because of them.  

It’s important that employers acknowledge that employees struggle with debt, family obligations, and the fear that all Americans share when at the cross roads of economic shift and national challenge. Acknowledge and appreciate their loyalty and your commitment to find ways to make good on their sacrifice. And mean it. 

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Yes! You may use this article in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at www.thecoachingassociation.com.

I got a call last week from Alex (not even close to his real name) who asked that I tell you his story. It’s not about how he’s looking for a job. It’s about why. Alex was fired four weeks ago. He wants to share his cautionary tale with you.
Alex is a mid level manager who describes himself as intelligent, hard working, and dedicated. He says he’s not the kind of person to whom people are naturally attracted. “I guess you’d call me colorless. I like to stay under the radar. I don’t argue. I don’t push back. I keep my head down and stay out of trouble.” He’s the first one at work and the last one to leave. The janitorial staff has gotten used to cleaning around him.

Alex doesn’t aspire to much more than what he’s doing but admits to being discouraged when promotions and increases don’t come his way. His average performance reviews describe him as “steady,” “reliable,” and “not apt to take risks.”

Alex admits he’s frustrated; he’s working harder and longer and getting less satisfaction from it. He supervises two people who do the minimum, leave at five, and appear to enjoy a very full and happy life.

Alex knows he’s out of balance. His wife told him so, in clear, unambiguous, and highly audible language. She’s said she’s tired of carrying all the responsibility for raising kids and keeping house. She’s tired of living like a single parent. She wants him home, not just to pick up the slack but to reawaken their relationship. They have three children. His kids call him Phantom and seem genuinely surprised and sometimes startled when they glimpse him during daylight hours.

“Why’s Dad home?” they say. “Did he get fired?” Kids can be prophetic.

When Alex is home (a few hours on a Sunday afternoon) he’s zonked out on the sofa in front of the giant TV he bought the family as a peace offering. They like the TV and plan their lives without him. Alex knows that things can’t stay as they are, that he works too many hours; but he’s afraid not to, afraid to fall behind.

“Is Dad divorcing us?”  That’s what Alex’s youngest son asks his mother. When she relays the question to Alex she’s playing more than the messenger. “We all want to know,” she said. “because if you are and nothing’s going to change, we need to make the arrangement permanent.”

Alex swears that he never saw it coming. “I know I sound insensitive, uninvolved, uncaring, everything you associate with absentee dads. I know I should have been more attentive. But everything I did, everything, was for them, for my wife and my kids. I thought they understood that.”

He doesn’t know what to do or say, so he responds the way he always has, he goes back to the office and works harder.
You can imagine his surprise when his boss greets him late one Friday afternoon to tell him, “Alex, this in your last day here.”

“Alex, you spend more time here than anyone else. I don’t know if you’re the hardest working employee we have. You’re definitely the most inefficient. You’re not managing your time and you’re not managing your subordinates. In twelve years you haven’t grown beyond where you were when you first came. You don’t lead, challenge, motivate, or empower anyone, yourself included. And at your level, that’s what we pay you to do. We’re doing you a favor, Alex. We’re letting you go.”

* * * *

Yes! You may use this article in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since she started he own practice in 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.

You may be lay- off casualties, caught in the convergence of economic conditions, world events, and outsourcing realities. No matter the cause the outcome’s the same. You need a job.

You may have been players in your current predicament: Too strong on opinion, too tough on others, too resistant to change, and too hard to convince that the problem was yours and not someone else’s. You need a job.

Some of you are looking because what appeared as insignificant to you became a big problem to your boss: your tardiness, unsuitable clothing, crude language, and inappropriate response to authority.

Some of you were let go because of a bad match. What they needed you could no longer do and what you did best they didn’t need.

Whatever may have happened in the past, you now have the choice of doing differently. It will be a challenge but you can re-invent yourself as someone a company will value and reward.

With that in mind, here’s some context, safeguards, and next step strategies:

Surviving layoff: Since the early ‘80’s, mergers and acquisitions and their ubiquitous “rightsizings” have added significantly to the ranks of the unemployed. Locally and all too frequently our bedrock industries have closed plants adding thousands more names to that roll-call. For many survivors, it’s no longer a question of “if”, it’s a concern of “when”.

Savvy survivors and their collegial casualties aren’t surprised; they’re ready. They’ve learned to keep their resumes current, networks humming, and channels of communication open. They’re informed. They read the trade papers and the business press. They get connected and stay connected to knowledgeable insiders who have contacts and a reliable sixth sense for what’s going on, with whom, where, and when.

Players who’ve created their own problems through excess and hubris continue a downward spiral if they spend too much time blaming others and not enough time taking responsibility for their own actions. They improve their chances of success if they can change behavior from what’s out of bounds to what’s acceptable. Because that’s easier said than done they’d be wise to interview with companies more likely to tolerate what prior companies would not. That will require the candidate’s candor in networking and interviews, honestly describing style as well as providing examples of how that style drives or otherwise impacts top or bottom line.

Employees who constantly test their company’s boundaries and employer’s patience in small ways can save themselves needless grief by acknowledging that little bad things do become big bad things, and there are negative consequences for the people whose behaviors violate policies, rules, and standards. Some bosses give warning, others won’t. Either way, the ticket’s stamped “out”. Employees who want a different outcome conduct themselves as successful employees do.

Know what you do best and be at your best before you target companies able to bring out the best in you. You may think you can’t afford to be particular; that when you’re unemployed any job is a good job. That’s true if you can keep the job you get. When you’re afraid you’ll fail because you can’t do the job you’re hired to do, can’t tolerate the tedium, comprehend the ambiguity, or manage the frustration of working with the people you’re assigned, your worst fears are likely to be realized.

Think before you take action. Make the right choice for the right reasons. You’ll be better off as a result.

* * * *

Yes! You may use this article in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since she started he own practice in 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.

          “Joyce, I’m not getting any replies to my resume. I must have mailed 300 copies and I haven’t gotten one nibble in response.  Please review it and tell me what’s missing.”

          He handed it to me, I glanced at it and told him, as gently as I could, that he had forgotten to include his name and address.

          That’s when he vented. He called himself every name in the book.  He stood, stomped around, flopped back down. He groaned and moaned; he slapped his head; he pulled his hair. We were two minutes into a meeting that had a long way to go before it ended, so I let him vent to his heart’s content. After he calmed down I dared to ask him to describe his networking efforts.

          “Well, I’m telling people that I’m out of work, that I need a job, and they need to call me if they hear about anything.”

Have you heard from anyone?

          “No, I haven’t”, he said. “And I’m disappointed. I thought some of these people were my friends, but I haven’t heard from anyone about anything. What’s going on? Are they avoiding me because I’m unemployed?”

          They’re probably avoiding you because you’re making your job search their problem.  It’s up to you to find the openings, make the calls, and do the follow-ups.

“Then why bother networking? I thought the whole idea was to let friends and acquaintances know that you’re on the market so they could help. ”

Sure, let them know how they can help, but from what you describe, you’re asking your friends to look for the jobs, and let you know when they find them. Change your approach. Describe your current status, your strengths, and your search. Then, ask their advice.

          “What should I say? And what do you mean by, ‘ask for advice’?'”

          Try something like this:  ‘Tom, I recently left the XYZ Company to continue my career in sales and…’

“Whoa, Joyce. I got fired. Shouldn’t I say that’s why I’m looking?”

Too much information. Why complicate the conversation? If you talk about getting fired the two of you will likely spend valuable time discussing all the “ain’t it awful” stuff that goes along with it. Before you know it, the conversations over and you haven’t succeeded in anything but confusing your contact about your suitability as a prospective job candidate.

“Got it. You have my attention. Let’s start over. What should I say?”

You want to describe what you do and why you’re successful doing it. You want your listeners to remember it, to get the word out, and to help you as a result, all because they want to, not because you asked. At our last meeting you told me about yourself and what you’re good at doing. With that in mind, I’ll describe a conversation that you can have with your networking contact, Tom.

Tom, I respect your opinion, that’s why I wanted to talk with you about my job search and to ask you a few questions.  I recently left the XYZ Company to continue my career in sales. Tom, what I do best is relationship selling, problem solving, and follow through on everything I do. I’m good at simplifying the sales process instead of making it more complex.  I take out the technical jargon so the folks I’m talking to understand what they’re buying and what’s right for them. When I give my word, I keep it. My customers are as loyal to me as I am to them. I work hard for my customers and for my companies and I’ve been rewarded for it. Tom, where are the best opportunities for someone with my strengths and who are the people I need to contact for leads?

“Joyce, that’s networking I can handle. It describes what I do, focuses my search, and puts the responsibility for finding the job where it belongs, on me.”

I’m a layoff “survivor”. That means I’ve lived through several organizational cut backs, deep and shallow, and I’m still here, working, until they cut me loose. Before you tell me how lucky I am, and I don’t mean to be disrespectful, but please, save your breath. I’m miserable and so are my colleagues. I’m not asking you to feel sorry for us, I just want you to know what it’s like to be the walking wounded.

Carol’s asked me to share her story and her perspective because she believes that it’s reflective of many people in her situation.  To protect her  identity and her company’s, I’ve changed her name.

Carol is a production manager for a mid sized manufacturer. She’s  survived nine cutbacks and half as many transfers in the 15 years she’s worked there. She says she’s a “company loyalist”; someone who willingly gives all she has to her company because she feels that in turn, she will be treated fairly, compensated appropriately, and dealt with honestly.

Lately, despite her continued sense of dedication and obligation to her employers, she questions their treatment of her co-workers as they have struggled through what appears to be an unrelenting series of cutbacks.

She says that her bosses used to manage by walking around, now she hardly sees them. Communication is impersonal. Long, rambling emails or terse memos have replaced one on one conversations and group discussions. Employees struggle with the ambiguity of their respective situations and can’t find anyone in authority willing to tell them what to expect.

We realize that our bosses might not know what’s going to happen next and if they do, might not feel that they can communicate that to us. What we want is face- time. Even if they tell us that there’s nothing to tell, we want them to take the time to listen to our concerns, to let us vent, and to experience, even second hand, what we’re facing day to day. And if they know that the news is bad, we’d rather hear it from them, in person, in an honest and compassionate way, than from a human resources representative with outplacement people standing by.

She says that employees feel as though they’re numbers instead of people. Traditional company values, like relationships, longevity, and dedication, no longer have currency.

Any survivor knows that if you want to keep your job, you don’t say “layoff” at work. You keep your head down, look busy, act serious, move through open areas quickly, and keep your wits about you. Well, that may be how the game is played, but it’s a game that’s killing us. We want to be able to discuss our challenges openly. We want to continue to believe that we add value to this organization, that we’re part of the solution, not part of the problem. We may not have a seat at the table but we want to be inside the room where issues are discussed and futures are determined.

We want to enjoy our work for as long as we have work. We want to be able to crack a joke, and laugh out loud, and take a break without worrying about how it looks to someone who either wants our job or wants to take it away from us.

She remembers when time had a direct relationship to efficiency and productivity. When the future was a combination of vision, mission and strategy. When we talk about time now, it’s in sentences like, “When’s the last time you heard something?” “What time do you think we’ll hear something?”

Most of us are too distracted to get anything done. It’s hard to push yourself, stay motivated, and have the energy to encourage others. And the future? That’s Friday. “Do you think we’ll get laid off Friday?”

We’ll make it through this tough time. The journey’s easier and the recovery’s faster when you can share the bumps with the people who invited you aboard.

The Fear gremlin can keep you stuck to the place you’re standing, particularly if you haven’t had much experience job hunting. The Anger gremlin can fight your desire to look for a job, and instead, look for plenty of ways to get in a fight.

That’s what’s going on now. What happened back then?

You saw the layoffs coming, but the Procrastinating gremlin urged you to wait them out. You wanted to cut and run but the Macho gremlin advised you to hang tough and help your employer through tough times. You wanted more money, not less, but the Rationalizing gremlin said it was OK to work more hours for less pay, because you wanted to keep your job. The Wavering gremlin kept weighing your options and the Helpless gremlin cried, “Why me?”

The “It’s not my problem” gremlin told you to keep your head down and stay busy when your friends and co-workers were asked to leave. The “I don’t want to talk about it” gremlin stonewalled discussion with the family, and the “Put on a happy face” gremlin insisted you act like everything was normal.

So, every few months a few more people got the word to pack up their stuff because they wouldn’t be coming back. And the Anxiety gremlin would gnaw at your gut, and tell you that your name was somewhere on the list, and you needed to prepare yourself for who knows what.

And as prepared as you wouldn’t let yourself be, and as prepared as the family couldn’t be, you were staggered by the “Say it ain’t so” gremlin that accompanied the grim news that finally, it was over.

You needed a plan for “what’s next” and that’s when the Unglued gremlin introduced itself and you haven’t been thinking straight since.

Now’s the time to line up all those grouchy gremlins, stand them at attention, and send every one of them packing. You have work to do and they’ll just get in the way if they’re hanging around.

Roll up your sleeves and turn what can feel like an overwhelming task into a series of doable projects. Start with your resume. Keep it straightforward, easy to read, and focused.  Bullet- point your accomplishments and quantify your results. Ask people with business experience to proof read for organization, content, and spelling.

Next, assemble your references. Select individuals who have supervised your work and are ready to support your candidacy for positions that match your abilities.

Get your interview clothes cleaned and pressed, your shoes shined, and your shirts starched and ironed. You have one chance to make a good impression so make that one chance count.

Get to your interview on time. On time means on time; not too early, and don’t even think about being late.

Know what you’re talking about. Nothing falls flatter more quickly than an over-inflated attitude and an underdeveloped track record.

Do your homework. Read about the company, learn what they make, what they do, and where it’s done. Questions are good, good questions are even better, so be sure that you have them.

Well written, clearly articulated, quantified accomplishments separate success from whatever’s in second place. You can’t (ethically) make up what you haven’t done, so if you don’t have a track record worth bragging about it’s going to show. Spend some quality time reviewing your past work experiences and you might just surprise yourself by scaring up some contributions you’ve made to the companies you’ve joined.

You’ll probably do a little salary negotiation before all is said and done, so prepare yourself. Know what you need so you’ll know when to walk and when to talk. And remember, money-talk should be last, not first, on your interview agenda.

So banish the gremlins and the baggage they bring. Take a deep breath, present yourself well, ask discerning questions, and make the case that proves you have what it takes to get the job done.