Learning from First Time Failure

We had just begun talking when my client started to cry.

“This is hard for me”, she said. “It’s the first time I can remember failing, totally, publicly, and despite my best efforts, not keep it from happening. I’ve tried so hard. I’m exhausted from the effort of trying.”

“I took this job for two foolish reasons. First, I accepted it because I was flattered.  I was ‘perfect for the position’, they said. ‘Exactly the person’ they sought. Yes, it would be a challenge, but with my ‘keen intelligence and natural talent’ it was a slam-dunk. I was so elated by their belief in me that I didn’t question their assessment of my abilities, nor did I question the scope of the assignment.

Second mistake: I accepted the position because it was a double- promotion and a big jump in pay. I would go from sharing one support person to managing a staff of seven. I would work with high profile, high visibility decision makers from other organizations. I’d have a big title, a glamorous job, and a corner office. I wanted it all.

At first I was overwhelmed, there was so much to learn, but I thought I was handling it. Time passed and I became increasingly uneasy, despite constant reminders that the information would fall into place. I’d be able to organize the work, delegate with ease, (after all, I had seven people at my disposal!) and succeed as I had in the past.

My anxiety didn’t go away. New information came at me at an alarming rate and unrelenting pace. I wasn’t assimilating, synthesizing, and organizing, I was panicking. The harder I worked the less I accomplished.

I’d come in early, stay late, and leave more confused and frustrated than when the day began. Weekdays and weekends blurred in my relentless effort to catch up, hang on, and keep my head above water.

Sunday nights were the worst; my stomach would knot, my head would pound. My husband begged me to quit. My mother said I worried too much. My father gave me “get tough” lectures and time management tapes.

My boss, who was at first so accessible, was nowhere to be found. When I would catch up with her and ask for more direction and clarity she said that was what she hired me to create. She said I was making it harder than it was, that all she wanted were broad- brush solutions to the big questions. I lost it and screamed at her, ‘What brush? What solutions? What questions?’

‘We’ll talk next week’, she said. And we did.

She apologized for recruiting me from the job I did so well, to a situation that was clearly beyond my abilities. She gave me a respectable severance, which was nice, given my brief stay, and wished me well.

“Here I am,” my client said, “stuck between the proverbial rock and hard place.  My confidence is shot, my self- esteem in shambles. I don’t want to make another mistake, yet I don’t want to limit my potential. What should I do?”

I knew she had the answers. She just needed someone to ask the right  questions.

“What will you do differently next time?” I asked.

“That’s easy, she said. “I’ll set aside ego, and ask the specifics of the job. If it sounds ambiguous, it probably is. I’ll clarify the goals, understand what’s expected of me, and be sure they know what my strengths are and what they aren’t.  Then I’ll listen to my gut. If the goals, the setting, and the people all connect with who I am and what I do best; if I can stretch in a way that makes sense for me, I’ll take the leap. If not, I’ll take a pass.

“Anything else?” I asked.

“Yes!” she said that a sigh. “I’ll set aside pride. I’ll ask for assistance when I need it, and delegate to others so they can learn and grow as well.

When you listen to, and communicate the wisdom within you, you are authentic.  When your specific strengths and values are in alignment with the goals and expectations of your boss and your company, you can achieve beyond expectation.

Overcoming Obstacles with Self-Confidence, Focus, Networking and a Positive Attitude

A recent caller wanted to know if she could blame the economy for her inability to find work. I told her that if it made her feel better to do so, please, be my guest. She said that it didn’t. She wanted to somehow get past the fact that there were so few jobs and so many people looking for them.
“I’m not a spendthrift,” she said. “I have bills to pay and no way to pay them unless I dip into savings. What can I do to get a decent job?”
We talked about her search and the obstacles she’s encountered. Much of what we discussed had universal application so I asked if I might share the conversation with you. She agreed.
Obstacle: How can high school grads compete effectively when compared to college graduates?
Key word: Self-confidence. In this market, most companies are under the gun to keep expenses down and production up. They want to hire employees who can hit the ground running, who are as efficient as they are effective. They look for people who can combine strong work ethic with high- octane performance.  In other words, if you can sell yourself as energetic, focused, and flexible, with a track record to match, you are competitive.
Obstacle: How can you overcome a bad case of interview-jitters, particularly when you’ve always been scared of authority figures?
Key word: Focus.  Authority figures scare most of us. The trick is to remember that you’re a responsible adult, not a dependent child. The person sitting across the desk or standing across the room hasn’t the moral or legal authority to judge your beliefs or your behaviors unless you give them that right. They may approve or disapprove of your actions, but you get to choose what to do about it.
Focus on what you’re there to accomplish. Tell your story and don’t get hijacked by your emotions. Ask good questions. The best questions enable the interviewer to describe the challenges the company and department must confront and what they need and expect from their best employees. Then, respond according to your strengths and abilities.
Obstacle: When responding to ads, whether in print or the internet, I know I’m going up against hundreds of people who are as anxious for that job as am I. How can I move to the head of the line?
Keyword: Network. People who position themselves ahead of the crowd rely on and dedicate at least 80% of their search time to networking. Networking contacts can introduce you to decision makers who get you in the side door without your having to wait in line. Here are three examples of how it works: 1. Talk to people who work where you would like to work or know people who work there. If you don’t know who they are, (I realize they don’t walk around advertising the fact) ask people you know to help you find them. Next: tell the person why you’re interested in that particular company (have a few good reasons) and ask who you might speak to, to learn more about opportunities there. Note: you didn’t ask for an interview. You want a “conversation” to determine that there’s a match between what they need and what you do. 2. Talk to people who are supervisors or managers in their respective places of business. Describe what you do best and ask them for recommendations as to where you might look and with whom you might speak. 3. Talk to people you know personally and with whom you have a great deal in common. Describe what you do best, which, to no great surprise, is what they do best. Ask them to brainstorm with you regarding job possibilities and, hint, hint, who would be good personal leads for you to contact.
Obstacle: What can you do when you’re your own worst enemy?
Key word: Affirmations. Negative self- talk does you more damage than what anyone possibly could think or say about you. Believe in yourself, and say so. Believe that each encounter you have, each meeting, each interview, is a positive opportunity for something good to follow, and tell yourself so.

A Little Career Management Philosophy

“Who are you?” I asked. “And what did you do with the person I knew?”
We both knew the answer. Will had lost his job and his way back to security. He was devastated by a lay off he knew was coming but took no action to avoid.
The Will I had known in better times had been fun, feisty, and full of energy. Now he looked lifeless. The switch was off and the lights were out. He said he was finally ready to talk about it:
“I went to work every day as though nothing was wrong. I think most people were like me; not wanting to talk about what everyone was thinking. If we just kept it to ourselves, maybe there was a chance that the plant wouldn’t close and our jobs would  be spared.
“ A few people left the company as soon as rumors started floating. We didn’t ask where they went. We didn’t call them and we didn’t talk about them.
“I ran into one of those guys a few weeks ago, and asked him how he knew to get out before things got bad. Why didn’t he believe, as we did, that the owners would turn business around like they had so many times in the past?
“His response surprised me. He said he needed to leave the company if he were going to take charge of his life and career. He could no longer limit his potential by someone else’s luck, timing, or intelligence. He knew the owners were going to have to make tough business decisions and so would he. He said he had goals to achieve and he had a better chance of accomplishing them with a company that had a future.
“I asked him ‘what about loyalty?’ What about all those years he had invested in the company and the company in him. Wasn’t that enough reason to stay?
“He said that he was loyal. He had done all that he was asked, and more. The company compensated him, and treated him well. ‘I figured we were even’, he said. ‘I left with no hard feelings. They asked me to stay on, even offered me more money if I would. I had to choose for me. We shook hands and wished each other well.’ ”
“And so”, my client said,  “here I am. What do I do now?”
“What do I do now?” is the question that hundreds of bright, hardworking, frustrated un-employees are asking every day. Let’s begin with a little career philosophy:
Let go of the “shoulda, woulda’, coulda’s” you’re carrying around. You made the best decision you knew how to make. That was then, this is now. You’ve had a few new lessons and if you were paying attention, you learned from them.
Once you’re back on the job, track your accomplishments every week and update your resume accordingly. Make networking part of your every day  routine. Keep up with what’s happening in your industry, business sector, and company by reading the trade papers, talking to industry insiders, and connecting with recruiters who are industry specialists.
Here’s what you can do now: Meet with career advisors to review, refine, and refocus your resume as well as your job search and interview strategies. They’ll drill you on the questions you’re apt to be asked and those you’d be wise to ask in return.  They’ll role play with you so you can get used to answering the tough questions and the ones that come out of left field.
Attend job search support and network meetings to rehearse, re-energize, get and give encouragement, and realize that you’re not alone in all this.
Network, network, network. Tell people exactly what you do and how you can make a difference to a company. Ask for ideas, suggestions, recommendations of business owners, managers, or supervisors who might be interested in what you can do for them.
Take charge of your life and your career. Take action. Follow through.  Make things happen. Take care of yourself. Get a check up. Exercise. Eat right. Get rest. You’ll be surprised at the positive effect the combined effort has on your confidence, self worth, and potential for success.

Take Time to Evaluate the Well-being of Your Employees

According to formal and informal workplace surveys employees are staying where they are, not because of loyalty to their bosses or love of their work. They’re staying because they’re concerned if they initiate a search:

1. They’ll be found out and dismissed, before they are able to find work.
2. An aggressive and talented field of job seekers can easily replace them.
3. There aren’t any jobs out there that are more secure, satisfying, or promising than the ones they currently hold.

What they don’t know is that many companies have cut back as far as they can and want to hold on to the talent that remains; it’s expensive and time consuming to train new people, no matter how attractive they appear on paper; it’s bad for morale when high potential employees leave for something presumed better.

To survive this market, management has had to pare, scrape, and cut wherever possible. They’ve asked employees to do without raises, perks, and promotions. They’ve replaced those who’ve declined the invitation with those willing to pay the price to remain employed.  The cost to survive has been great. Employees have felt overworked, underpaid, and unrecognized for compromises they’ve grudgingly made to keep their jobs and their companies afloat.

Once the economy turns, management will struggle to keep the employees they’ve depended upon most. Their best trained and most valued, talented, loyal, steadfast, and true employees are apt to run for the exits, carrying the inventory in their experienced heads. They’ll be looking for companies who will acknowledge their contributions, treat them well and pay them better.

What can management do now to encourage employees to stay with them in good times as well as bad?

Pay attention to what employees want from their work. Good pay used to be enough, but priorities have changed, at least that’s what the Louis Harris Pollsters found when they asked that question of the American worker. Of these options:

• Good chance for promotion,
• Good pay,
• Job security,
• Good working hours, and
• Gives a feeling of real accomplishment

The one response that significantly out-polled the others was: work “that is important and gives you a feeling of real accomplishment”.

In another Harris Poll, “What three factors appear to have a big impact on job satisfaction?” the top polling responses were:

1. Having control over one’s work.
2. Using talents and skills, and
3. Recognition and Appreciation.

In the book “The 100 Best Companies to Work for in America”, authors Levering and Moskowitz describe those businesses that make the grade as magnets for people looking for meaningful work and models for getting it right. They found that top companies had more employee participation in decision- making, greater trust between management and employees, and more equitable wealth distribution through profit sharing. And they had more fun.

Fortune Magazine’s quest for the “100 Best Companies to Work for in America” revealed that top ranking companies value training and education, work life balance, and special relationships with employees.
The Gallup Organization conducted a 21-year research project to distinguish the strongest departments of a company from all the rest. Buckingham and Coffman, in their book First, Break All the Rules, What the World’s Greatest Managers Do Differently present their findings.  Chief among these is that the front line manager, more than pay, benefits, promotions and training, is key to attracting and retaining talented employees. These successful managers use four key strategies in hiring and developing employees.

1. They select for talent, not just experience, intelligence or determination.
2. They set expectations by defining the right outcomes, not the right steps.
3. They motivate by focusing on strengths and not weaknesses, and
4. They develop by helping employees find the right fit, not the next rung on the ladder.

If you have management responsibility, take time, now, to evaluate the well being of your employees. Speak openly and honestly about the current state of the business and the vision you have of its future. Talk about the role each employee plays in its sustainability, viability, and profitability. Train, develop, encourage and provide opportunity for each employee to achieve more than is currently within reach and celebrate every time it happens.

No Work, No Income

Outplacement. Downsizing. Rightsizing. Realignment. Reorganizing.
Call it what you want, it means the same thing to the person being affected: No work, no income.
It’s not what the company wanted. Management wanted great products, productivity, and profitability. It’s not what the employees wanted. They wanted certainty, security, a financial stake in the future.
No work. No income.

She and He have lost their jobs and are at a loss to know how to reconcile their high rise past with the low rent present they just got and didn’t want.
She: “I don’t know why it happened to me. It’s not that I think that I deserved to be spared, but… well, I do think so. I’ve worked hard, harder than others. I came earlier, I stayed later. I did more when others did less. And I did it because I wanted to. So why did I get pink slipped when the person in the next cube didn’t? Why did my friend in production get the ax and her friend, three feet away, didn’t? My friend is the sole support of her mother and her two teenage children. Her friend lives alone with a cat.”
He: “It happens. We’ve been through tough times before and we’ve made it, we’ll make it through this one, too. I’m not worried about it. I’m angry about it. Our owners saw this coming. They could have made adjustments earlier. They didn’t. They turned a blind eye to the trouble and a deaf ear to those of us who warned of the dangers to come. I was one who begged them not to expand, not to take on more debt than they could manage. They must have thought the money would keep rolling in and they wouldn’t have to be accountable. Well, they’re accountable, all right. Accountable to those of us who were with them in the beginning when they failed us in the end.”
She: “You got to hand it to ‘em. They didn’t discriminate in this layoff. Young and old got laid off. People of all color and description were terminated. The ones with money and the ones without, were all handed their hats.”
They: “Enough. Enough. How did we fail you? What obligation did we have to keep you employed when the money was gone? We made you an offer and you accepted. In exchange for your doing your job, we said that we’d pay you. And every time we paid, we kept our side of the bargain. You’re disappointed? Hurt? Angry? So are we. You’re tired, scared, humbled? So are we. You have to start over and so do we. We may have failed ourselves, but we didn’t fail you.
You say that we didn’t listen. We listened to our investors, our bankers, our customers, and yes, we listened to you. We made mistakes. Some by commission. Some by omission. Some through an unfounded belief in our own infallibility. That’s how we learn. It’s how we all learn.
You’re in pain and so are we. We all make choices. We all live with consequences. We have to hope that we make more good ones than bad, but whatever the outcome, as long as we live, we’ll continue to choose.”
She: I saw it coming; I just didn’t want to look. I didn’t want to admit that my days here were numbered. I could have left but I liked my work, my friends, and my routine. I didn’t want it to end and I knew that it would.
He: If I were honest I’d direct my anger and frustration where it belongs; at me. I was fooling myself by thinking that if the higher-ups would listen to me we could avoid disaster. Bottom line, I didn’t want to leave. I didn’t want to give up on my bosses and the one place that I had worked my entire career. I stayed too long and cared too much. I was afraid.
She: I was afraid, too. I was afraid to test myself. I was afraid that I’d fail if I were to go somewhere else.
He: So rather than fail elsewhere, we failed ourselves, here.
She: It’s time to get on with our lives. I’m ready. Are you?

Handling Lay Offs & Being Fired on Your Resume

Whether you’ve been fired, laid off, or asked to leave your job without knowing why, you’re left with bigger problems than having nothing to do on Monday.

The following questions address those concerns:
Q: I was fired from my last job. Do I need to indicate that on my resume?
A: A resume is a condensed version of your work history that lists the companies you’ve worked, the positions you’ve held, and the jobs that you’ve done. To highlight your experience, include accomplishments that you’ve made. Do not include the tumbles, bumbles, and fumbles of why they asked you to leave.
Q: Every time an interviewer asks why I’ve left a job, I freeze. I know that I’ve left for the right reasons, but somehow they sound all wrong. Interviewers seem to think that I’ve been terminated, instead of leaving on my own. How can I change their mistaken impression of me?
A: It sounds like your confidence melts when you’re questioned about the wisdom of your choices. Your best defense is a good offense. Introduce the subject yourself and explain, simply and candidly, your decision making process.
Q: I’ve really been struggling to get work. I know why no one is hiring me:  I was terminated from my last job. I’m thinking seriously about not telling the truth and just saying that I left on my own. Can I get into serious trouble if I do that?
A: If hired and then found out, you can get fired for misrepresentation. How’s that for trouble? So you might want to rethink that option. While you’re at it, rethink the possibility that getting fired is what’s keeping you from getting a job. It may be something else, like the intense competition from a growing pool of the unemployed; applying for jobs that aren’t a good match; and/or ineffective interviewing. Rather than jumping to an uneasy conclusion (“I was fired”) and applying a dangerous consequence (“I’ll lie about it), work on the three areas you can control. 1. Apply for job opportunities that require your skills and abilities 2. Anticipate the tough questions you’ll be asked and 3. Be ready to respond to them openly, honestly, and with a candid self-awareness that indicates your maturity and firm grasp of reality.
Q: I was fired from my job and wanted to “learn from the experience”. I asked my boss for an explanation, but nothing he said made any sense to me. So, what did I learn? I learned that it makes no difference if you work hard or not, you can’t control the outcome. So, why bother trying? What do you think?
A: I think that you can’t control world conditions, the weather, the economy, and why people behave as they do. You can control your responses and your actions. Employers want employees with good people skills, who are focused, flexible, learn quickly and apply what they learn accurately. If you’re working hard but not making a difference, for yourself, or your company, you need to choose what to do about that. If you don’t, your company will inevitably do it for you.
Q: I’ve been in one field, with one company, for 15 years. Business is flat, I’ve been laid off, and my skills will soon be obsolete. What can I do for a living and how can I make a salary that’s consistent with what I’ve earned in the past?
A: You’ve rolled several challenges (outdated skills; make the same money; do something new) into one big question. I’ve rolled several responses into one big challenge.

1. Inventory your assets, strengths, and abilities. They’re all transferable. Find companies that want what you have.
2. Companies want employees who learn quickly and can quickly apply what they know. They want workers who are interpersonally savvy, appropriately self aware, flexible, resilient, efficient, and effective.
3. You’ll need courage, time and money to learn something new and to connect that learning to what you do best. You can earn your way back to a salary you can afford but you’ll not earn your way back to where you’ve been. The future won’t look like the past. It never has, it never will.

Advice for Children of Laid Off Parents

OK, children, listen up. Your mom’s been laid off. That’s right, she’s lost her job and she’s concerned. She loves you and she’s going to continue to provide for you. You just need to give her time and space to figure out what she’s going to do next, so life can get back to normal. You can lend a hand.
Support can be financial and it can be emotional. You may be too young to help with the finances but just the right age to be a real help around the house. Clean your room. Clear the table. Mow the lawn. Be nice to your brother and stop teasing the dog. Instead of asking Mom to buy you something that you want and don’t need, ask her what she needs and what you can do for her.
It’s easier to deal with family layoffs when you’re too young to understand the consequences of job loss. It’s harder when you’re old enough to realize the impact and not old enough to influence the outcome. Particularly if you’re worried about the effect it can have on you personally. For example:
Your dad’s been laid off. The company he worked for went out of business and there wasn’t anything he could do to keep it afloat. You know he’s worried, even though he says that he’s not. He tells you and your sister to cheer up, there’s nothing to be concerned about, but you are, just the same.
Your dad always said that if you had good grades and could get accepted, he’d pay tuition and expenses to any college you wanted to attend. You’ve worked hard on your studies and have been accepted to your top choice, a small private college in the northeast. Money wasn’t supposed to be a problem. There was supposed to be plenty of money to pay for your education. Now it doesn’t look that way. Your sister said you’re selfish if you insist on going there with dad out of work. You tell her to butt out, that it’s between you and dad. Now you’re not sure what the right thing is and you’re afraid to ask.
You’ve started to avoid everyone at home, especially dad. You don’t want to ask how his job search is going because it probably isn’t going anywhere and knowing that will just make matters worse.
You have a friend, Pat, whose dad’s been out of work for months. Pat recently took an after school job at a grocery store, stocking shelves and bagging groceries. You asked him if he was embarrassed for kids at school to know what he was doing. Pat looked at you like he was looking at a stranger. “I’m helping the family”, he said. “What would you do if you were in my shoes?” You are in his shoes and you don’t have the courage to think about it.
Find your courage. You’re a member of a family that needs everyone to pitch in and figure out the best way to get through a rough time. Talking about it, openly and honestly, is the first step to working your way through it.
Begin by talking with your dad. Invite him for a walk, a run, a lunch, some coffee. Get him out of the house and to a place where the two of you can be alone. Make this about him, not about you. Ask how he’s doing and how he’s feeling. Listen to what he says and how he looks when he says it. Respond to his feelings more than the content of his words. Ask what you can do to be a support to him and the family and ask in a way that demonstrates that you care.
Talk with him about college and your desire to attend. Let him know that you want to ease the financial burden it will have on the family. You may find that attending an in-state university and working to help support yourself is a reasonable option. As a result, you’ll have an education, work experience, be more marketable, and you’ll always know that you did the right thing when it counted most.

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